Gift from Dad - now he wants it back?

I wouldn't lend it to him. Say it's been put into kids' names and can't be accessed in time.

Hmm, I've seen this a bit in my husbands family, mil gets with widowed bloke, he's besotted, she's controlling, pushed out his kids, and ended up leaving his money to step kids, shocking. Let her kids loan her the money, if she needs it and be careful you don't get your nose pushed out, I never get why old folks want to get married anyway, unless it benefits one of them financially......, I wouldn't want my dad remarrying, there's no need for it, you can have a perfectly lovely relationship, without getting married and all the financial implications that come with it. Watch your back, my mil was always perfectly nice on the surface, but underneath plotting away.

A future will isn’t really a factor here as any money he has in the future will go to his new wife

He shouldn't have asked, but I really think that you don't have any choice as otherwise he could just write you out of his will.

Fucking hell.

She should help him out because it's the right thing to do.

Giving the gift was helping her out!

What about the kids?

Not cool. My parents gifted both me and my brother just over £70k each. DB used his gift to put his 3 DCs through uni. I put mine into a pension (that I am too young to access) and my mortgage. It was a gift and I have no intention of paying it back (neither would my DB). If my parents ask for it back, I will be telling them that the money’s been spent, which it has. If they wanted it back when it was given, it should have been agreed as a loan.

You need to tell him you can't give it back. It's tied up , and trying to scrape it together would leave you and his grandchildren in a financially difficult position. You are not wealthy like your sibling. Is this really what he wants you to try to do, jeopardize your and his grandchildren's financial security?

He didn't help her out, her gave her a gift. And what about OP's kids?

I think this is very hard as he told you it was him passing down your mother's money, and it must have meant a huge amount to you. He really should have asked you for a loan and put it in writing in case he fell under a bus, as he's remarried. He's saying now he gave you money too early, but actually he gave it to you at the right time because now he's remarried his situation is different surely? At the very least you should get any loan documented and protected. And personally I think it would be fair to tell him it's not really possible to withdraw the money. Maybe if your brother is really wealthy he could lend him the whole amount if it's really necessary?

In a sort of similar situation myself. My parents are divorced and my mum still hasn’t paid my dad as part of the settlement (it’s been 2 1/2 years…mum is financially controlling). He needs the money to be able to invest in his new GF’s property as she has a deal with with her ex about selling the property when their youngest child turns 18, but dad wants to buy the ex out. Dad has asked me and DSis to bridge the gap, which is well in excess of £100k.

DSis made a good point: if we had asked him to give us over £100k to invest in a relatively new boyfriend’s property, he’d have told us we weren’t being very sensible. It made me feel much better about the whole thing, as I felt like we ought to lend him the money, but had reservations because of the 3rd party involvement (I.e. his girlfriend, her ex and 3 x DC).

Agree with others that you should say it’s tied up.

He shouldn't have asked, but I really think that you don't have any choice as otherwise he could just write you out of his will.

The money he gave you was a bonus, you weren't expecting it and it was generous of him.

She was happy enough to take the financial gift. Why wouldn't she help him now?

Oh for goodness sake hes asked to borrow it for 3 months. She can say no it’s tied up if she can’t give him it. He’s not jeapordised anyone’s future.

He's your father. He helped you out now it's your turn to help him out. Between you and your brother you could lend him the money surely.

@cashquestions

It is entirely up to you and - if you don't lend the 1/3rd "might" affect your relationship.

If you do decide to lend then please, please get a legal document drawn up showing that it is a loan with time-scale and conditions.

There is a [rebuttable] presumption that deals [contracts] between family members are not enforceable. Long long ago we were given some money by DGM as a gift. Later claimed as a "loan". We had had a solicitor draw up an agreement that it was a gift but never got it signed.

No end of strife!

I’d be very hurt to be asked this in your position and it would probably be quite damaging for the relationship. He’d jeopardise your children’s security and your feelings about him for the sake of giving his new wife a better house than the two she can already live in? Fuck that.

While I'd agree people shouldn't ask for gifts back, to me, asking for a loan is different. I loaned money to a relative who had always looked after me as a kid-he couldn't get normal loans due to his own credit issues, so if I hadn't helped him, he'd have been stuck.
It's more complicated if you can't easily get the money (in my case, it was a thousand I had in a normal account). And it depends-is this a one-off dream house? One in an area that is hard to find, or a particularly good deal? If not, I'd explain to him, and let them find another.

You don't need to make up a story that the funds are tied up because they really are. You've made wise investments and dipping into pension money and ISAs has serious tax implications that would harm your finances. When you get the money back you will still be worse off.

If there's another house with equity then a mortgage lender will accept a charge against that to increase the size of the new mortgage. That could be paid down when the other house sells. It's an obvious way to access additional funds and it would be a red flag if it can't be done that way.

Does you father know what you did with the money, OP? Someone said what would happen if you'd paid your mortgage off with it, so couldn't get it back, which is a valid question I think. Obviously you may very well not want to lie to your father, but ...

On the other hand, he's clearly not in the first flush of youth and would the new house prove to be more suitable for him as he ages? Lending the money now, with suitable protection in place, might be the lesser of the evils in the long run.

It is awkward because it was your mums money at one point so it going to a new home with a new partner adds a strange element.

is the most honest answer ‘we’d struggle to get this sum together as have spent it on university and mortgage’

you never know he might take it in his stride

If your brother is so wealthy, couldn’t he lend your dad this money? I agree it must be really disappointing that he’s done this.

Nope, it's yours (and your kids) tell him it's tied up tight.
You may never see it again. A friend's divorced and remarried father left everything to his 2nd wife and her children. My friend and her brother got nothing.

If I gave my kids a gift, my circumstances changed and I needed a bridging loan, I'd like to think they'd help me out. If they didn't, well, I would be inclined to be less generous in the future.