Gift from Dad - now he wants it back?

Just explain it’s not accessible at the moment. Needs 3 months to get it out and obviously the house will be sold by then! or I put it in kids isas which can’t get out until they are 18.

But his circumstances have changed years later after the OP's mother died, and he met someone else.

This must be years later.
They have fully dealt with it tax wise.
This wasn't a rash decision of his.

To return now to ask for it to be returned supposedly for a short amount of time, to buy another property is so unreasonable and messy.

I think her father needs to cut his clothe with his new wife.

Gifting money then asking for it back and lecturing the OP is just awful.
Typical man losing his mind and any sense of what is right over a new relationship.

Awful judgement on his part.
So insensitive.
I'm giving you money i think your mum would like you to have.....oh no may i have it back as i need it for a new house with my new wife🙄.
Distasteful IMO.

In my mind it seems as though the gift was partly your DM money, and effectively you will now be gifting it partly to a woman you barely know, and will probably never get back as legally she will own half the house. I would hate the thought of that, and would say no.

Just say it tied up and you cannot access it.

I would think so much less of my father faced with this kind of moral blackmail. How can he even ask? It would make me want to withdraw to an extent and see less of him. I agree with all the PP upthread to say the money is well and truly tied up. I would also add that as the money is invested for the future of his grandchildren you know he would not want to risk their security.

Nope.

Let his new wife 'get them over the line'. They'll have to wait for the sale of her house like everyone else would.

Also most people getting old tend to downsize (and maybe give more money to their children or save it for care fees/ emmergency ) rather than on getting a more expensive and better house . It seems selfish and a foolish purchase when you add in all the stamp duty and moving costs . And unnecessary and shortsighted . Because they well need the money for other things . It absolutely is appropriate that he takes the time to think things out rather than rushing for a house they are struggling to afford.

Your first paragraph sums up my father in one!!

It's not the father, it's the new wife I wouldn't trust though, being new and all. An unknown in terms of that level of trust with me

This is the point @cashquestions . He has options but they would cost him, lending it back will cost you. Why is it fairer that you bear the cost than him? Especially when you have the money organised to lay your kids way through uni and his is because they ‘want’ (don’t need) a house. For wants he can and will need to suck up the costs. If they’re so confident it will be short term they won’t cost much, right….

This is an easy one to weigh up.

Your first duty is to your children, not to your parents. You are responsible for your children because you created them and they are dependent on you, to a greater or lesser extent, as they start out in life.

Ditto (from your dad's point of view) his first duty is not to actively put you in a difficult or stressful situation; not to buy his dream home with his new wife.

A university education is an investment in education, future career, earning power etc that can never be taken away from you. A different/nicer house to live in is a desire and much more of a 'nice to have'.

Your mother would undoubtedly vote for this money to benefit her grandchildren's education above upgrading the living situation of her husband and his new wife.

It all points one way and you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Your dad's is being thoughtless and a bit selfish (as well as conveniently stupid and unrealistic about timelines).

His circumstances haven’t ‘changed’, he’s choosing to buy a house he currently can’t afford. How is that the OP’s problem?

That seems reasonable.

But if it could potentially cause you/DS a problem to 'lend' the money, and your wealthy DB could easily lend the whole amount, why isn't that the solution?

Unless he (DF) actually doesn't intend to give it back...

Perhaps but I doubt he's been railroaded into it. He's going to live there too. He's an adult making a choice

I wouldn't think he'd be moving if he was still on his own...

Am I, wants a more upmarket house in a nicer village? Read between the lines......

I wouldn’t either. This was a gift from your mother to you.

Wants the world? You are just making up details.

Say its all gone and you paid off your mortgage with it

That money will never be seen again if it’s handed over to the Dad will get frittered away
Not what your mother would’ve wanted OP

Except new wife is on the scene, wants the world and will likely inherit everything including "the loan" that was a part of her late mother wishes

Honestly having been there, please do not believe that they will never change. A remarriage can make a huge difference which me and my wider family know to our cost.

Thing is @Zanatdy if the OP has put the money into pensions it’s essentially gone, you can’t just withdraw some. Yes, she could access some of the original gift but at a financial penalty to herself, and unfortunately, if you give someone a gift, explicitly stating that it’s a gift (they did HMRC paperwork saying so) you can’t reasonably change your mind about it later. Especially financial gifts, because money paid into pensions or mortgages cannot be taken back out again at will.

Unreasonable of the dad in this scenario to ask for the gift money AND state he regretted giving it AND then berate the OP for putting the money away sensibly in order to alleviate a hugely expensive time for her own family.

He probably hasn’t thought through the student loans situation, if OP is my sort of age or older she won’t have had them and they may not really have registered with him. @cashquestions don’t feel bad here, I think it’s your dad who’s got a bit carried away, and as you said before he could ask your brother or take a loan out temporarily. You should not now be financially penalised for having less access to cash than your dad would like!!

This

No, don’t give it back and don’t feel guilty.

If he was destitute that would be a different story but he’s not. Just tell him it’s all tied up in pensions and you’ve can’t give him anything.