Gift from Dad - now he wants it back?

Glad you have told him that the money is inaccessible - firstly because you would never have got it back, and secondly because he clearly views it as a pot of his own money that you are just minding for him. His new wife will inherit everything from him - you’d be taking money away from your children to give to his new wife .

If they are waiting for new wife’s house to sell, surely the responsibility for getting a bridging loan is on her?

Perhaps she could get a formal, documented loan from your wealthy brother until her house sells?

Agree with this, and I am appalled at all the suggestions that OP should lie to her Dad.

Jesus, you think every spouse who inherits from their spouse, which is most, are scum if they don’t immediately pass it to the kids.

You sound VERY (over) grateful imo saying he very kindly gave you the money. Of course he should have given you the money! I would think he was scum if he hadn’t. That’s YOUR mums money. It’s now yours. That’s it.

You wont get it back, and in a year or so she'll be after the 2 thirds of what you were gifted.

What would he say if you asked to be put on the deeds and they buy you out when the money comes in?

I don't think you should lend them anything but it would be interesting to see what they'd say.

This is a difficult one. It's not your Dad I worry about; it's the third party. It's more about the new triangle of relationships than about "a third" back as loan. This is a hard one. Much will depend how much you trust that your Dad will trust and maintain his "independence" of thinking with regard to what is really your money (albeit gifted to you all those years ago) that involved your mother's sentiments. A difficult one!! I'm a very, very old Dad myself and I'd avoid asking back as "lending" or by any other name (had I gifted anything to any one) especially a third party was involved -- remarried, whatever.

Tell him that, sorry. but you can not lend the money unless you seriously lose money in your children's long term investments.

You are not prepared to risk their future.

You are very thankful for the gift and you have invested it very wisely.. It is unwise for you to take it out.

Is he being influenced by the new woman. I’d say that you don’t have it as it’s locked away for 5 years.

Sorry Dad, the money has already been put to good use.

"I'm sad he's asked. It makes me feel like the money he gave wasn't really a gift, and that he's always wanted control over how it was used." and "he's the one who tied it to the gift - saying 'shouldn't have given you so much earlier' basically. I wouldn't actually have minded as much if he'd just asked for some cash"

But that’s simply not true and not what she said at all. He asked to borrow it for 3 months. Yes it could be longer, but at no stage has he suggested, nor has the op, what you’re saying which is the money he wants back as some form of gift.

This

Not screw them over, but it does sound as if the OP's father's perspective has changed, and whereas previously this money was described as the OP's mother's being passed down to her, now it is money that should still be in play for him to use to start a new life with his second wife. It does make you wonder in what direction his perspective will move next.

I don’t know why people do this. Jump to some nefarious conclusion. This man has a good relationship with his children, there is absolutely nothing to suggest he’s trying to screw gnem over.

Why does he need a loan? Surely his wife would be the one taking out a bridging loan.

I agree. To be totally cynical, the brother alone lending money makes it almost certain he'll get it back whereas if both did, there might be problems.

I agree, especially given the dad has approached both children, so when he doesn’t pay either of them back it’s still ‘fair’ because they both ultimately still had the same amount gifted.

It sort of feels like they have discussed it between themselves and decided the original gift was too much so claiming some back.

They’ve been looking at houses that they aren’t ready to buy yet. They need to buy within their own budget and when in a position to sell and move. More will come up.

It’s already awkward, as you’ve said you won’t help him in case it’s longer than 3 months. I also find it a bit sad that you were so ready to accept the help but won’t even help your father for a few weeks or months.

I realise after reading all the updates that it doesn’t matter now and the decision has been made. But I do find it a little sad that you wouldn’t help your Dad out with this. He very generously gifted you a large amount of money while he was no doubt still grieving and not sufficiently thinking about what his own future might look like, and I’d expect in that time of grief never imagining that he may in the future meet someone to share a new life with, and what that could mean. To not lend him a 3rd of what he gave you for a short time to help him get on with his life, not because you actively need that money now, but rather to let it sit and gain interest in an isa, just seems unkind to me.

I feel like you would be unlikely to get it back. I appreciate you said you like the new wife, however, does she have children of her own? Do you or your father know how her finances are planned? Maybe she is planning to gift some money from the sale of her house to her own children? Even if she doesn't have children, effectively handing your Dad a sum for him to pass on to you, almost feels like giving you a gift from her own funds. Or could feel like that iyswim.
So she might object when it came to it. Especially if there are other factors that haven't yet been planned for. A new kitchen perchance. Or a new car to see her through to old age?
Well done talking it through and saying it was all tied up. Stick to that and don't feel guilty.

No. YANBU. The money was a gift and is now tied up in investments. Leave it there. Your father and his new wife will have to find another way to fund the shortfall.

I'm not sure if I'm misunderstanding, but it sounds like the whole situation is poor planning on his part. Your Mum left your Dad the money, he decided he didn't need it, but most likely should have sat on this decision for an awful lot longer than he did, because he gave it to you and your brother, and is now short of cash for himself. Admittedly he wants to spend on a house purchase you are not sure he really needs, bigger house, different location etc, but I can also understand that as a couple they want a fresh start in a new home that is theirs not his. Given he would have been able to afford the new house had he not been so generous with his inheritance a few years ago, I would find it hard not to give it back, but maybe I am just a big softy. When my step-Dad died the assets went to my Mum, the entire estate will pass to the offspring when she dies. She tries to give us cash on occasion but I am forever telling her to hang on to it, because you never know what you are going to need.