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Original poster

Gift from Dad - now he wants it back?

289 replies

cashquestions · 24/03/2026 13:22

I've namechanged for this - obvious reasons really - but just need to know what people think.

I'm late 40s, two teen boys. Mum died four years ago and shortly after my Dad, very generously and unexpectedly gave us a sum of money that he said was my mum passing money down to us. It was properly documented as a gift for IHT purposes etc and I've invested it and put it in pensions etc. It's mostly tied up for the long term so that my kids can go to uni debt free.

I am very grateful.

Now my dad has married again. I'm delighted. But he wants to buy a new home with new wife, and he's asked me to 'lend' him a third of the money he gave me to help him get this 'over the line'. He reckons this will be short term while she sells her property - wants my money for three months. But there's no guarantee of course that it will be.

I could SCRAPE together what he wants. It would mean losing ISA allowances, selling investment at a loss etc. of course, if he needed an op or something drastic I would do it. But this is so he can sell a nice home that was my family home and buy something pricier in a 'more upmarket' bit of a very nice village.

I'm sad he's asked. It makes me feel like the money he gave wasn't really a gift, and that he's always wanted control over how it was used.

Should I lend him it? What will happen to our relationship if I don't? Am I unreasonable to resent him asking?

OP posts:
FeliciaFancybottom · 24/03/2026 13:35

But he hasn't asked for the gift back; he's asked to borrow some money from you. The two things are different, surely?

BasilandTom · 24/03/2026 13:34

Yup! His ship sailed when he gifted it to you. I would just tell him that it was a considerable amount of money, so you were sensible and invested it in long term investments which will several months and a lot of paperwork to free up. I would be concerned that he needs it so quickly and desperately. What is the need for hurry to ‘get the marriage over the line’?

Derbee · 24/03/2026 13:34

ICanLiveWithIt · 24/03/2026 13:31

So it would be reasonable to say that you've given it to your children. If it was in their names, you wouldn't legally be able to access it to give it to your dad. Whether or not you have actually put it in their names is beside the point, your dad doesn't need to know the details.
"Sorry dad, I don't have access to that cash any more. We put it away for the kids. I don't have the kind of money available in ready cash that you're asking for"

It would be totally unreasonable to drag her children into this.

Agree with PPs. Sorry, it’s all tied up in very long term investments and totally unable to access any of it. Took you at your word that it was inheritance from mum, and being passed on, and haven’t kept it immediately accessible for house purchases etc.

SummerInSun · 24/03/2026 13:34

CanaryLibra · 24/03/2026 13:28

I’d be inclined to tell him its so tightly tied up that it requires months of notice to withdraw. And if he’s a good dad, he’ll accept that, you’ll hear no more about it and that’ll be that.

I totally get where you’re coming from, it’s like it wasn’t really a gift because he feels he’s entitled to ask for access to it as and when required.

Exactly this. “Really sorry dad, but since it was a gift we put it all in pensions or ISAs where we can’t easily withdraw. Also, if I give the money back to you, that undermines that it was a gift given on X date for IT purposes.”

If all they need is finance for a very short period, they can take out eg a bridging loan or possibly a personal loan. The interest for three months won’t be vast. Or they can just wait three months until the woman’s house sells.

I definitely wouldn’t risk the financial security of your kids and yourself when there is no guarantee you’ll ever get the money back. New women could use all sorts of arguments to talk your dad out of it, and if they marry it could all wind up with her and her offspring, which I’m sure isn’t what your mum would have wanted.

Snorlaxo · 24/03/2026 13:34

Tell him it’s tied up for 6 months.

PoshLady90 · 24/03/2026 13:33

No, id be saying the money is tied up in SIPPS and LISAs that cant be accessed at this time without penalties.

Or id be tempted to say sorry its all gone!

Pippa12 · 24/03/2026 13:32

This would make me feel uncomfortable. I’d say you’ve looked into it and unfortunately it’s tied up.

BeeCucumber · 24/03/2026 13:32

What would he have done if you paid off your mortgage with it? It’s not cash that is freely available to him. You have no guarantee that you will get it back, so it’s a no.

ICanLiveWithIt · 24/03/2026 13:31

So it would be reasonable to say that you've given it to your children. If it was in their names, you wouldn't legally be able to access it to give it to your dad. Whether or not you have actually put it in their names is beside the point, your dad doesn't need to know the details.
"Sorry dad, I don't have access to that cash any more. We put it away for the kids. I don't have the kind of money available in ready cash that you're asking for"

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 24/03/2026 13:30

Agree with PP.

Also I hope you're OK as getting this request from my dad would really throw me and make me feel quite shit. I don't think it's OK to ask for a gift back that he said was your mums money.

PoppinjayPolly · 24/03/2026 13:30

Yep tell him it’s absolutely tied up!

chateauneufdupapa · 24/03/2026 13:28

Tell him it’s tied up. YANBU at sll

CanaryLibra · 24/03/2026 13:28

I’d be inclined to tell him its so tightly tied up that it requires months of notice to withdraw. And if he’s a good dad, he’ll accept that, you’ll hear no more about it and that’ll be that.

I totally get where you’re coming from, it’s like it wasn’t really a gift because he feels he’s entitled to ask for access to it as and when required.

PeriPrime · 24/03/2026 13:28

No i wouldn't. And i would be concerned he was being financially abused. Why cant they wait until his new wife’s house is sold?