Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

I mean the weather is kind of immaterial. It’s more about being near people that can support her when she undoubtedly needs it. She’s hardly going to have a fun time on holiday is she, after this?

No, but syphilis and gonorrhoea are extremely nasty diseases that are getting harder and harder to treat

Well that's OK then, what's a little herpes or hiv but a little inconvenience, life long medication and social isolation/embarrassment. Pfft

After the first ow he came back because it was ' the biggest mistake of his life' apparently.

When I confronted him about another woman he had been seeing for 18 months he ended up on his knees crying into a tea cloth. His sister then rang me to tell me she was worried he 'might do something. So I let him talk to me. I had my own place an hour away at this point. He dropped flowers at my door , sent me emails, offered to take me away, etc etc

It was after this I discovered he had kept the home fires burning with the first ow, he is now married to her.

Don't be me. 🙄

You need I will survive by Gloria Gaynor

@user1492757084 STDs don't put your life at risk. They wont kill you 🙄

Ahhh the classic get-found-out-for-cheating-and-then-threaten-suicide switcheroo. My husband did the exact same manoeuvre 9 months ago. I think they must teach all the boys to do this when we’re taken aside to learn about periods at school.

A word about what to expect next: I also informed his parents that he was spiralling and threatening to end himself, and then the next two weeks was the “poor DH” show.

“Don’t shout at DH for being a shithead! He’s might end it all!”
”Don’t contact the other woman! You could ruin his career!”
”I can’t believe you called me a psycho when I’m so FRAGILE right now!”

You get the picture. Be prepared. It’s not fun.

But it sounds like you’re a sensible human and you have the whole of mumsnet rooting for you. Luckily he’s outed himself as a dickhead before you replicated any of his genes.

I’m 9 months on from my ordeal, and while we’re still negotiating the divorce (was focusing on getting the house sold) I’m proud to say that the universe has really dealt me a blinder with this one. I was the organiser and the kind one too. I would have tolerated him treating me like shit forever, if he hadn’t cheated. I feel very, very fortunate that he did. You will too.

Good luck.

Oh and some rage song recommendations:

• Backbone - Chase & Status / Stormzy
• Shake It Out - Florence & The Machine
• Little Girl Gone - Chinchilla
• Let You W/In - Lily Allen (actually, the entirety of West End Girl. What a privilege to be divorcing in the year of our lord Lily Allen)

I didn't comment on what I think your experience is.

I gave my opinion on OP's situation, which is the whole point of MN.

I did query how an 18 month full-blown love affair could be called a one-off, and I saw you re-visit your calling it that in subsequent posts.

And I did ask how long your husband's affair went on for.

I know that some couples do stay together after an affair, I'm sure for a variety of reasons, and that's their decision to make.

I said that I personally would not even consider trying to stay together and move past a betrayal such as OP has suffered.
It was not meant as a criticism of you and your decision to stay with your husband.

OP. If you can't get an earlier flight home is there anyone you trust who has a key to your house, who could go and get any documents you might need. Not just financial, but things like your marriage and birth certificates, and anything else you value and don't want him taking or destroying.

Book a flight home and leave the cheating bastard there. 💐

sorry op :(

It's irrelevant as it is a manipulation tool he is utilising that serves to change OP's focus to 'why he was forced to do this' (due to historical social class pressures behind his control) when the focus should be on him having made a choice every month for 18 months to cheat on his new wife.

He had agency. He is not a victim of his upper middle class upbringing. He is a low class, low grade man, that behaves terribly.
OP needs keep sight of this.

How awful. I'm sorry, OP 🌺

I'm guessing he's sticking with you because he wants kids (and / or has embryos with you?) and the OW doesn't. How absolutely despicable. And to betray you this way during IVF and miscarriages is unforgivable. You deserve so, so much better.

The pity party he's throwing himself is a complete joke, by the way. And of course he won't even give you the dignity of a bit of space. (Sleeping at the foot of your bed? After everything he's done? Ew.) Do what you have to do to get away from him, and take your two week holiday somewhere you can actually get some rest.

And then after you've got your head togther, you can move forward. You're tougher than you know. You've got this..

OP, my ex used to do just this. In the end I got so fed up of the manipulation and self h4rm threats that I told him to just get on and do it but be quiet about it. Does he have a will leaving everything to you? Let him carry on, saves having to deal with a divorce. Sorry but I have no patience for these manipulative man babies. Big hugs OP

Im so sorry. I can't remember what it was with my exh but some sort of sexting or inappropriate behaviour (I think trauma blanked it out) and i went through the whole I dont recognise this person I don't know who he even was. It just didnt even marry up. Its devastating and the shock is horrendous. I think because of this I ended up staying for the person who i thought he was and you know what, that wasn't him. He was showing me who he was. I should have ran. The minute i realised i was worth more a deserved better i was out of there. Embarrassingly it did take me 10 yrs!!! He was showing me who he was and continued to over the years. Now hes exh and a worse ex partner / father than i could have imagined. Love my children but good god can't believe my lack of self worth made me stay and have children with him. Dont think about the future you thought you had, think about can you live with yourself and still love him like you did. It will eat away at you for years i promise you. The trust has gone and he will do it again. Sending you the strength it took me over 10 years to gain ❤️❤️❤️❤️

You are not being manipulated OP, because you know exactly what he's doing. It's like you are both role playing, I just don't understand why you are playing along with him? Tucking him into bed? Seriously? Get a separate room and position yourself as far away from him as you can while you plan your divorce think through your options. What a bastard!

Hi op this is shit sorry you are going through this especially on holiday his panic attack might be real but this doesn’t mean you should forgive and forget he has blatantly been going out of his way to do this cheating and he got her pregnant. Op can you get your own room to have some space to process it all he’s going to try and manipulate you but your not stupid you know there’s no going back it’s not like it was a mistake it was deliberate and the fact he got her pregnant is even worse because of your own struggles he wasn’t even man enough to leave you for his own child are you sure he even wanted kids? I would be getting away from him for now and when you get home get an sti check if you did catch anything from the horrible twat tell the womens husband yeh she is not your husband but she quite happily opened her legs for him and her dh has a right to know if he any type of sexual disease

No way, to cold rainy Blighty must be joking!?

I know where I would rather be, and I get the impression @Gobsmacked39 is definitely not a shrinking violet.

He’s the one that needs to come back to the miserable wet, cold and wind.

I am so sorry this is happening to you, to tell you about her pregnancy is beyond cruel, I would try and get a flight home and leave him there x

I presume they think @Gobsmacked39 may feel better amongst friends/family?

I don’t believe people are telling you to go home, HE should be fucking off, not you.

How long are you away for?
Def book yourself another room. Its somewhere to go to make private calls and use the Internet.

Change your flight. Earlier is better, and ask the airline if you can either upgrade.

He's trying to control the narrative. He is not your friend and don't imagine for a moment he isn't getting support from her. Ignore her, how he feels etc, concentrate on you.

Contact your family, tell them, arrange for transport for you when you land.

If you have a joint account, pop online and move 50% to your personal account.

Presumably you don't want to stay with him? If you are totally confused, you don't have to answer him or anyone else right now. Just say ' I don't want to talk about it today'

Ref home, he isn't going to move out, is he? Get the place valued, he can buy you out or put it on the market.

Strongly advise for your own mental health you move out. Does your job offer counselling? Call and book immediately. Someone to rant at.

Also of course, contact a solicitor now, have a video call and get the show on the road.

Can you fly a friend out, or your mum?

I can only second this. Hugs to you OP. Please get rid of this man you can and will find better than him.

Id see how much it is to get another room and leave him to it

I’m so sorry this has happened to you OP and even more so as you are so far from home. Please look after yourself and don’t make any rash decisions or say and/or do anything you may later regret. Calm dignity in front of him will make him realise what he’s lost. I hope you’ve managed to either get your own room or gone home on your own so that you have space to think and make considered choices. Sending you love and hugs. You will get through this and have a happier future xx