Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

This is just awful, OP, I'm so sorry. And his reaction is pathetic and manipulative, it's all about him, when you're the one who's been shat on.

Go home if you possibly can, even if you have to get indirect flights. Leave him to stew over what he's lost, and get those ducks in a row.

I'd want to change the locks and dump his stuff in the front garden, tbh.

You are so switched on & sensible it’s impressive!
Glad you’re not entertaining all the ‘cut his clothes’ and ‘laxatives’ in his drink type suggestions. Not wise, you’re abroad, no ideas what the laws are where you are- but it’s not behaviour I’d be encouraging, no idea what the potential repercussions could be. Would just inflame them situation.
Also agree it’s nothing to do with the other woman.

Maybe you’ll see this as the trigger for making the wise decision to leave this man. He is not your equal from the little you’ve said about him. I doubt he would have made a good father- sounds like a lucky escape for you.

I would get home if you can and leave him to it. Get the financials together ready for divorce. Failing that then try and keep things civil while abroad.

What is there to say, really? You dont need his agreement for how you respond to this. Hi panic attacks, suicide threats and general theatrics are also Not Your Problem

Please be warned my "fucking idiot" actually did try and top himself after I caught the messages, it wasn't a cry for help,he would have actually killed himself, it's just by chance I caught him before it was too late.

You have all of my sympathy for what your going through, but what is done is done.. only you know him.

I'm not saying be a doormat, but just calm down and let yourself process what's happened.

You absolutely will come out the other side either way, whatever you decide!

If we are blessed enough to live to 100 years old, that's only 36,500 days!!

We would all be blessed with the richness of fifty two million,five hundred and sixty thousand minutes to spend.

But as life shows us, too many of our loved ones, or even acquaintances, get the chance to spend even less than half of those minutes that we all take for granted!

So don't waste another minute, the. Clock is ticking!

If you are all inclusive, go straighr to the bar, wink at the bar tender in your sexy bikini

Today the sun will rise, and it will set.

The rest is up to you xxx

I think I would go home for space and time to process. Work maybe even ask work if you can go back early so you can have your holiday days later in the year when you can enjoy them.

Exactly. The airline staff will be more than enthusiastic to help if the OP tells them what the reason is.

I agree and if he was so concerned about losing you then he wouldn’t be cheating and telling another woman that he loves her.

You can’t go from wanting to end your relationship and be with another woman for over a year to suddenly wanting to kill yourself because your wife wants to leave you.
That doesn’t make sense.
You know he’s lying and trying to manipulate you.

Take your stuff and get a taxi to the airport. They will change your flight for you and you will be able to go home and get away from him.

Panic attacks aren't dangerous and he won't kill himself over losing you as he is far too self centered for that.

What everyone else says - get on the next plane. His panic attack is fake and he won’t kill himself. Really sorry this has happened to you op.

He's not the one for you. Find someone who treasures you.

As others have said this is text book behaviour from cheaters- lots of us have lived it. Don’t think anyone will come on here to say the cheater actually went through with the manipulative threat. Please get away from him and avoid contact with him as far as is at all possible.

It annoys me that people are saying get another room! He needs to leave! Please tell someone irl. U got this!

Ah the old killing himself line, cheaters handbook 101

Mine tried that line too. The silly arse is still here sadly, 16 years post divorce.

So sorry OP, I can imagine how numb you’re feeling right now.
Unfortunately, your husband will take full advantage of your “lack of response” whilst your mind is coming to terms with the truth.
Panic attacks can’t kill you and they’re easy enough to fake, do not tuck him in again.

Get your documents together (passport, bank cards, cash, flight information) and your clothes and leave. Stay in another hotel or room or go straight to the airport. But leave.

You also need to tell someone back home, that will keep you grounded and help prevent you from being swallowed up by your husband’s pending bullshit.

Good luck OP, I hope you divorce him.

Showing sincere support for you OP, agree with all the previous posts.

He's looked OUT for himself, now time to look AFTER yourself.

Or make him go home, and enjoy the holiday that you’ve organised and paid for without the duplicitous loser.

so had to tuck him in whilst begging me not to leave.

You tucked him in??!!
I wouldn’t do this for a grown man who wasn’t a cheat, let alone one that was.

Its ok for it not to have hit you yet but do not be a mug.

You know you don’t tuck in a man that has been lying, cheating, going behind your back and telling another woman he loves her.

Do you think if she said he can move in with her he’d be staying and tucking you in?
He’d be gone without giving you a second thought.

Try and get a room in a different hotel.

You need the space to work out your next steps but to also make sure you’re not being manipulated anymore.

Get to a sexual health clinic too when you're home. I assume these things are checked under IVF but I would want to be sure I was all clear.

So sorry. Pack your bags (in a basic way, just get the essentials) and head to the airport. You’ll find a flight out of there and from there you can go back home. It’ll be worth it as it’ll get you away from his manipulations and give you the sense of being captain of your own ship. Xx

Her husband deserves to know. He’ll probably divorce her and if that upsets the children then that’s her fault. Ask him to change room or you change room and avoid him. I hope you took photos of the messages. Your DH is lying about the suicidal thoughts.

Panic attack because he’s been found out? Pathetic piece of shit.

Don’t bother talking to him, just book a flight home and see a solicitor. Take back control.

He can go and stay with his parents and you can move forward without him messing your life up.

Head to the airport and fly home, even indirectly.
The stress of being there subject to his manipulation is not going to be in your favour.
Your marriage is over. Get out of there.

And absolutely second advice around calling reception for medical advice if he pulls the panic attack card again. He is no longer your responsibility, you are not here for him like he has not been there for you. If he is ill, he can speak to a doctor, like he would have to if you were not there.

Oh it’s typical to threaten self harm and have a panic attack. He’s wanting you to sort this out so he doesn’t have to feel bad about anything. Waiting for you to click back into capable mode and make decisions which centre him.
The good thing is he’s not your responsibility any more. It feels very freeing to only have to consider yourself. My cheating ex was very confused when I just withdrew and tried everything to get me back into wife mode. That included threats of self harm. (But didn’t include finishing properly with OW because that would have been too hard for him).
I can still remember the look of panic when I told him we were over and he and OW could be together now. 😁

So he was still texting her this morning, saying he wished he was there with her and not you? Wow, what a piece of shit.