Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

Really good point. If he has another panic attack, meltdown, threat of suicide, etc. call his parents. They can take him back into their care. You need to protect your emotional safety.

Over, end of discussion. Prioritise yourself and get everything in order and don't let him gaslight you.

She is a cunt as well.

Try and eat something OP, and drink plenty of water. You will be in shock and it affects your blood sugar. Fucking dreadful bastards the pair of them.

Ignore all his threats of him harming himself. It's a well-known control tactic.

Op I've read all your updates and just want to say you need to prioritise yourself. If he's having panic attacks and talking about killing himself you can pass that buck on to his parents, youre not obligated to look after him any more. Focus on what you need to do for yourself.x

I'm just over 2 years down the line since my DH of 25 years left me for someone younger and I'm still processing everything. Some people say to me I'm better off without him which is no doubt true but I don't feel helps the level of hurt and betrayal Im still dealing with, although I would never take him back.. Good luck OP my heart knows what you are going through. Be prepared for more treats of suicide btw it's like a script.

It sounds like the OW was trying to justify their relationship to you. Fuck that shit. There's nothing special about them, they're not in love. They're a pair of dirty clichés getting their egos stroked through a sordid affair.

Please leave. If you stay, you're signing up to a life of infidelity. He will never change.

Get yourself a room alone, book yourself a day trip somewhere tomorrow and go and distract yourself. Sorry this is happening to you

Please just leave. Pack your stuff, get to the airport and take it from there. You will be heartbroken, but just get home asap. Your life hasnt ended, dont waste another minute on him....

he refused to get checked
he's been declaring love to his colleague all this time
he doesn't pull his weight at home
he's wailing, panicking and whimpering

THANK CHRIST you didn't have children with this self-serving twat!

My first mistake (yes, I chose two crappy husbands) was similar. I understood him so well - and he was such a classic narcissist - that he genuinely believed I'd let his OW move in with us 🤣 No idea whether told her his brilliant idea, I didn't ask her.

I wasted 11 years with that idiot, never realising until later that what was great about "us" was, in fact, me. As you'll be looking for small mercies, that's one! It's only three years of your life 💐

She will sadly as her big kid of a dh didn't even have the sense to use condoms.

Even if they do get together, once the reality hits that she's now got 3 kids to look after I doubt it'll last.

You can get online ones you can do at home I believe if that’s easier right now than going to a clinic.

I’m so sorry OP. Go home. Without him. Tell your friends and your family, allow them to support you, and do not protect him in that. His shame is his and not yours to bare (it’s funny but I wanted to keep it quiet when it happened to me as if it was something shameful. It was, just not for me and not for you either).
He can call reception if he has another ‘panic attack’. Not your problem anymore. It probably is a bit tricky when the consequences of your disgraceful actions land. He will need to learn to sit with it.

Agree

Jeez, @Gobsmacked39. That is horrific. You sound like a very strong, pragmatic woman. Sending you love and strength from Scotland. I’d be looking into the next flight. Your husband sounds like a bit of a waste of space in your life and that in the long run (and short) life will be better without him. I’m so sorry for what you are going through now though.

So sorry, OP. I hope you can get rid of him with the minimum of administrative hassle. Maybe fly home early without him - but with his passport…?

Oh OP. I have been there so completely understand the punch in the gut and shocked feeling. My ex husband put me on a flight to my family abroad as my sister had had a still birth. He booked it, paid and took me to the airport. He then had his fancy woman round in our home for a week. I found out as when I got home, he had changed the bed (he had never done that in all the years we'd been together) so I was suspicious. The following weekend I went to strip the bed and he jumped up to say he would do it... I did it and found blood all over my side of the mattress, what to me looked like somebody had started their period. I didn't have them so it wasn't mine.

I kicked him out and whilst packing up his stuff came across her underwear and birthday/valentine cards too. It was his work colleague.

When the anger hit I was incandescent with rage. I could have physically hurt him on more than one occasion (never before or since felt like this) so I would suggest removing yourself from the hotel room.

I am happy now, many years later. I wish you well OP.

Two narcissist together. Let them be. If he loves her (and himself for that matter) so much then he won’t kill himself so don’t listen to that.

Do look through his financials to ensure you are secure upon leaving - it’s not stopping to a level, it’s necessary planning at this point.

Oh and I would definitely tell her husband. He deserves to know that he is being deceived massively.