Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

Why the hell is this worm the one having panic attacks and throwing up? HE cheated on YOU. Have you read Watermelon by Marian Keyes? It's about a woman whose husband leaves her for an older woman he's shagging on the same day she gives birth to their child. He then tries to gaslight her into making it her fault that he cheated on her. Your husband sounds like he's doing a James (the loathsome husband from the book). Don't let him. Also he sounds weirdly infantalised and like he's looking for mummy figures to take care of his needs, which I hope gives you the ick as much as it has me just for typing it. You deserve better - leave him to stew in his own juice and get away from him. The longer you stay, the more likely you are to end up stuck with the cheating wanker.

To be fair, I hadn’t read any further comments than the original post so I didn’t know how her husband had responded (hence the question).
In terms of my experience - I don’t think comparing is useful as two affairs are never going to be the same. I just wanted to share a different perspective. When I said one off I didn’t mean it literally. It was a full blown affair with a colleague. I meant one off as in he never did it again.
just for clarity - I’m not team husband. An affair is never excusable. I was BROKEN as a result of my experience. Like I am a changed person forever because of it. It’s not okay and what he’s done to the OP is horrendous. I was simply trying to say, get some space, process it, let emotions settle - and that there doesn’t have to be only one possible conclusion here. It’s impossible to know - only the OP and her husband will know in time whether it’s an option. There are plenty couples who work it out post affair. But it is what it is. I knew it would be an unpopular opinion. My heart is with the OP and I hope that she has plenty of support right now.

Not sure why pp are telling you to fly home. I would move to another hotel or even resort to get your head around it all and plan your future without the cheating bastard. Block his phone as well. Good luck OP

god hugs to you OP ! I thought of this for some light reading -

https://www.chumplady.com

leave a cheater - gain a life

Good luck !

You should send him home and enjoy your vacation. You booked everything, you can have security escort him out. Sorry he's been such a waste of time. I've been through IVF and I know how difficult it is mentally and physically. Best of luck 🩷

turn off your 'find my' so the scumbag doesn't know where you are

Oh, please don't fall for his rank display of self pity. I stupidly forgave my ExH's first affair or 'the biggest mistake of my life' as he called it. Ten months later he left for another OW.

Wish I had walked away the first time.

So sorry you are going through this.

what a horrible, duplicitous scum bag - I am so sorry for you, this is horrendous.

I would be going to a different hotel or resort and spending this time thinking what I wanted moving forwards, coming to terms with this and trying to get some relaxation in - build up your strength and resillience for when you get home.

But - I am a massive introvert. If you are not do you have friend/family who could fly out to join you?

Well she did find them. The cat is out of the bag.

What is the point of an enquiry into whether she should have looked or not?

Are you trying to make the OP feel even worse than she does at the moment?

Are you going to leave early?

I would get a flight home ASAP, don't tell him your plans though. Book a flight, grab your essentials and taxi to the airport.

Bonus points for making his passport disappear so he can't follow you home on the same flight.

"That's not quite true" JFC.

The upside is that must be giving you more ick than you would ever have believed possible.

If that's not enough to give you the ick and the sign to get the hell out of there, I don't know what is! 🤢
Leave the petulant little child tucked up in his bed and get on the next flight home!

Oh OP, he only cares about himself, I'm so sorry.

Do whatever it takes to go back to your loved ones. If he's talking about hurting himself, the most I would expect you to do is call his family or an ambulance.

Only read one page of replies & have to chime in.

Put yourself absolutely first.

Throw essentials in a bag, leave behind anything that is holiday/inessentials - you'll never wear it again.

Get home as quickly as possible, even if it's not a direct flight. Get home, close the door behind you, tell closest family & friends, sleep in your own bed. Settle yourself in your own safe secure space.

Use you booked leave to see solucitors etc, spend some time with loved ones. If it's your place, change the locks.

You can get a day or so ahead of him to draw breath & get better organised.

Do not wait to travel home with him.

Today is your first day of 100% you on your own terms.

Don't waste any more time, patience & loyalty on this scrote.

I wouldn't be rushing home, but I would be rushing to hotel reception and booking myself another room, or even relocating to another resort. Then sit back, enjoy the sunshine, read some good books, look after yourself - and when you get home, start divorce proceedings ASAP.

I’m so sorry

Make sure his family and friends get the real truth of why you have split up. My exh told a very different version to his.

Imo her dh needs to know.
If he knew and you didn't would you have wanted to be told?
My relative discovered her dp cheating during ivf. It's a low life scum that can do that.

Ltb. Life is too short being second best you deserve more

Just to add, only contact work if they work together. Otherwise no, but I really don’t believe you owe it to them to maintain appearances.

even speaking to each other on holiday?! Mind boggles

There is not one way in hell I would stay in the same room with him. Either , he leaves or you go home ( as you prefer, some would want home some would
want to lock away ♥️ if possible don’t think about costs - hopefully that’s not an issue ) tell someone trusted and if she’s married immediately contact her partner. Ffs I would Contact their work too. Sick of wonderful women I know being treated so appallingly and I swear some people get off of having a secret of their partner, how can people be so duplicitous!!?

I would be thinking all those things if he threatened to kill himself, but I think it would be better not to voice them in case he tries to use against her in the future.
He sounds very manipulative with no scruples or conscience.
I would keep a record of everything, don't attack him, be vague and non-committal and engage with him as little as possible.

Op i hope you find your anger. He sounds useless and childlike to be honest, can’t do anything at home because of being overwhelmed, with what? Life? He has to be tucked in because he is having a ‘panic attack’.? He is throwing up, why? guilt? realisation?. It’s all ridiculous.

He was perfectly capable when conducting a long term affair behind your back, lies, sneaking around and deceit for months while still trying for IVF with you? Dont fall for it, you don’t want to live a life of suspicion and awaiting the next affair do you? Also she’s as guilty as he is, she is also married and a cheater. I know you are in shock and your world is crumbling but amongst the harsh replies you can get real support and advice from people who have experienced the same.

Please go out. Don't sit around this pity party.
She says they are in love. (Let him see how ready she is to leave her H !)
& now he’s weeping & retching …
or Has he said it was a (18 month ) mistake ?
Sorry I realise you are blindsided & hurt, but he has been caught with his trousers down & hasnt got a thing to say for himself.
Entitled, sycophantic fool

@BabyBoardroom - i’m sorry you went through that but you say what happened with your husband was a one-off?

It doesn’t sound like it begins to compare with what OP’s H has done which is an all-in love affair which started in their first or second year of marriage and has been going on for 18 months or so. The same H who’s now throwing up, having panic attacks and wanting OP to mother him. Surely you don’t really think there’s a future there?

@Gobsmacked39 - i have already posted but am very invested. I very much hope you are getting support from some friends and family in real life and that you are getting ready to fly home. Someone else will need to take care of your H. The hotel can organise care. Let his parents know what has happened. If the OW loves him so much, she can bloody well fly out and look after him. Anyone but you. Your job is to look after yourself now.