Just found out my husband of 3 years has been cheating for the past 18 months

Good luck.

I keep thinking of @Gobsmacked39 too Hope she's doing OK

How are you doing @Gobsmacked39 ?

Are you back home now?

Or that!

I don't think the OP is coming back. I hope I'm wrong, but it looks like she's keeping the lying, cheating twat.

At least throw his phone in the pool so he can’t talk to her

There is if she hadn't been shagging her husband within the requisite time frame.

Or if she ever really was (unless I missed something).

This. There's no way of knowing who got her pregnant

If she is married how would he know it was his child? OW could have still been having sex with her husband.

OP I hope you are ok.

Not read full thread but OP just wanted to say be careful with any apologies. It seems he isn't sorry for what he has done, just sorry he got caught. He will be trying to minimise the damage to both him and OW.

OP only has OW's word for that.

Just hoping OP is managing OK

@Beesandhoney123 the OW was pregnant to him, but decided on an abortion. He knew quite well why he didn't need to be tested. The level of deception must be devastating for the OP.

Surely clinic must have had reservations about IVF and its associated risks when DH refused to be tested . I am so sorry OP.

It doesn't matter how old she is, comparing her with yourself will destroy and self esteem and confidence you have , for no rational reason. Don't distract yourself.

Concentrate on the facts - hes lied and had a long term affair with a married woman with kids. He wouldn't have stopped if you hadn't found out.

He is letting you go through IVF without him being checked. This I find really odd, does he think he is too manly, has je already got children you don't know about? He lies, so you'll never know.

He is not your last chance saloon. Don't do the pick me dance. The best thing you can do for yourself is get right away from him. Tell him you aren't ready to talk to him about anything and you might never be. This way, he can't rush you into thinking about things and confuse you telling you he loves you. He wants things as they were. He will literally say anything and agree with all you say, to pretend to the world he is with you and continue his affair.

I bet he doesn't want anyone to know either. I mean, why should you get support? You're busy supporting him!!! Which is all wrong and that is why its best to get right away from him, tell your family and friends, and get some rl support.

I am so sorry this has happened to you. Lots of good advice on this thread. You sound very strong but make sure you put yourself first in all your decisions.

So sorry OP he doesn’t deserve you. What a shock & his behaviour has been abhorrent.

I don’t think he is faking a panic attack, he’s just overwhelmed that his life has come crashing down on him, and because he’s been found out. I’m guessing your detached manner terrified him!

OP I would call his parents and say you’re worried about him as he’s threatening suicide. Tell reception staff you’re genuinely worried for his mh too. Pack your bags and say you’re getting your own room tonight. Decide what you want to do tomorrow.

I would ask the hotel to provide a chaperone for you whilst you pack, just to be safe. Arrange this before telling him about the room move. Once they’ve knocked on the door deliver the news.

Husband, I’m sorry you’re feeling unwell, but I am too and I need some space away from you. I’m going to stay in my own room tonight. We can chat in the morning.

I’ve called your parents to let them know you’re unwell & have advised the front desk too.

In the morning you tell him it’s over, so he’s free to continue with lady love.

Or until one person buys the other out

If they both own the home he has a legal right to live in it until it's sold. She can't just pack up his things and leave them on the doorstep

Did you mean leave?

So...did you live?

Personally, despite your husband's apology and clingy performance I don't think for one minute he, or the OW have any grasp of the damage they have caused. Nor do they really care, no morals at all.
They are in fantasy land and your husband is sorry he got caught, that's all...

Sorry this has happened to you, and especially finding out while on holiday.

If I was you, I would need time away from DP and to think about the best way to separate a quickly and painlessly as possible.

If you are still on holiday, you need to get away from him for a bit. Say you're going for a walk/coffee/drink and you will be back in an hour or so.

You need to use this hour to sit in peace and plan a flight home. Anywhere in the UK. Just the next available. Then when you get back, you need to pack up, leave, and tell him that you need to go home to evaluate the best way forward.

You are not going to be able to achieve this if he is clinging to you and there 24/7.

When you get back home, you're going to pack up his things and leave them at the door (or yours if you have somewhere to go or prefer to leave).

You should then hopefully jave some time to straighten out your head to say to him when he is back that you are done, and the relationship is over.

I find this a cruel and victim-blaming thing to say. I see it often, with no evidence behind it. I think people want to believe there must be signs that were ignored because that would mean it couldn't happen to them. I discovered last year that my husband had been having an 18 month affair. He had been extremely good at covering his tracks and there had never been a single piece of concrete evidence. He used a separate credit card, had a locked chat with notifications turned off, nearly always met her during work time and outside of that always had an explanation for where he was and who he was with; if he was late he would send me a photo of the crowded train platform with delay signs then get in a taxi. Whenever I talked to him about changes in his behaviour he had convincing reasons for them (I was pregnant when it started, and having a baby and a two-year old is hard and seemed like adequate explanation), and he was good at gaslighting me. Ultimately, we don't tend to go around expecting that someone we love and trust will be lying to our faces.

OP, I second those who have said it is much better to find out now than once you are pregnant or have a baby.