Oh I've no bloody idea what the topic is FFS, I just need to rant!!
In my 13th year since only child DS was born. Sleep evaded him since he departed the womb. Diagnosed at 7 with ADHD, autistic traits, ODD, sleep settling problems. He's no way near as high need as a lot of kids I read about but FMEL, I have a daily fantasy about having a neverending swim in our nearby river or buggering off to Australia on my own, for ever.
It's been like this since he could talk:
Argues with every single word I utter. Even "what a beautiful day". Reponse no it isn't.
Steadfastly never believed I have anything worthwhile to say, laughs at me, mocks me.
Rude, disrespectful, swears, always angry.
Anger always at me. Intense love always at me.
Never, ever gone to sleep before 11.
Christ's sake I could bore on for hours about it all. I'm just done in. Had him at 38 via an IVF miracle. Saw the lovely things ahead of us like learning to ride a bike, plant seeds, garden, learn to swim, it's all been fucked by ADHD and the demand resistance of it.
Career none existent now, mental health fucked. Memories fucked. I just live from his one mood to his next and pray every evening for him to fall asleep so I can sly a cigarette then get in bed.
I don't need any PDA, ADHD, autism etc advice. Trust me, I've trained, learned, researched it all. Just would love some empathy. I'd run under a truck for him but hate how he treats me 💔