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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

367 replies

Laulau3 · 23/03/2026 18:10

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

OP posts:
CurlewKate · 24/03/2026 12:24

Whatthefork1 · 24/03/2026 11:42

I mean each to their own of course, but this is something my DH would say and I would find it funny as I know it would be just a joke.

Good. Well done you. The OP didn’t find it funny. Surely her husband should know her sense of humour.

Dogmum74 · 24/03/2026 12:20

firstofallimadelight · 23/03/2026 21:09

A joke in relation to a minor prang wouldn’t have bothered me (unless it had been a slight on my driving. Too soon)
A joke about anal - bore off man child

It was a double entendre as her back doors got smashed in the accident. Get a grip

Dogmum74 · 24/03/2026 12:18

Aussiesgettingsmashed · 23/03/2026 19:54

Clearly not a problem for the husband

That would be fine. He is referring to her back doors and not her vagina

Dogmum74 · 24/03/2026 12:18

Anyahyacinth · 23/03/2026 19:40

People saying dramatic ..when this man decided to express a wish to carry out a violent sex act on her in relation to a car accident. (He says smash) Oh ha ha ..I wonder where the tolerance for male sexual violence begins? It’s here in the it’s a joke or banter crowd. That his brain went there says it all

How is a whinge about something sexual he wants to do relevant to comforting a friend who’s had a car accident? Would he have said to his mate Steve ..well I heard you always wanted anal sex? Nope ..it’s demeaning speech

Hahahahahahaha get a grip. Smash your back doors in is a phrase. It is funny. she sounds like a miserable cow

Dogmum74 · 24/03/2026 12:16

CelestialCandyfloss · 24/03/2026 12:01

Tbh I couldn't be married to someone who says this kind of thing. He sounds tacky and laddish.

Oh FFS it is a joke

Dogmum74 · 24/03/2026 12:15

My god, some women. 1) it is funny and 2) you seriously posted this on Mumsnet. Hahahahahaha

CelestialCandyfloss · 24/03/2026 12:14

enoughisenough2026 · 23/03/2026 23:46

Correct. Sounds like he's obsessed with anal and takes every chance to nag her about it. Grim.

Also the fact that he sent her a nasty pissy message after shows how unpleasant he is with his pathetic little 'joke'

CelestialCandyfloss · 24/03/2026 12:01

Tbh I couldn't be married to someone who says this kind of thing. He sounds tacky and laddish.

AInightingale · 24/03/2026 12:01

WhatAboutSecondBreakfast86 · 24/03/2026 11:28

Some of these responses are wild!
What is life if you can't crack an adult joke now and then? Does everyone on mumsnet only have quiet, nice sex in missionary or something?
loosen up a bit!
I would have laughed, and i'm not a cool girl or a pick me whatever those stupid terms are meant to mean.

If it's a consensual mutual pleasure, then fine. The anger you're seeing here is more to do with women feeling coerced or cajoled into a type of sex they don't really want to order to please porn-adled men. OP's husband sounds like the latter, to be honest.

Thisle · 24/03/2026 11:56

Lisa411980 · 24/03/2026 11:25

Are you under 40 ? I think anyone over 40 would laugh at this I know so many friends plus myself that would

but nice random ageism.

Thisle · 24/03/2026 11:56

Lisa411980 · 24/03/2026 11:25

Are you under 40 ? I think anyone over 40 would laugh at this I know so many friends plus myself that would

Weird, I didn't find that particular brand of gross sexualising humour funny at 20 and I don't at 39, when the clock ticks over to 40 in a few months I doubt that will be the deciding factor.

Whatthefork1 · 24/03/2026 11:48

BeBreezyPlum · 24/03/2026 11:19

What? Your husband has trying to involve you in motor accidents? And now thinks this is a proper subject for a joke? This makes no sense to me but is obviously unacceptable and may be an offence.

I think you need to Google the term “smash your back doors in”

Whatthefork1 · 24/03/2026 11:47

Lisa411980 · 24/03/2026 11:25

Are you under 40 ? I think anyone over 40 would laugh at this I know so many friends plus myself that would

I mean I’m 30 and DH is 34 , this is 100% something he would say and I would laugh and tell him to fuck off 😂

Whatthefork1 · 24/03/2026 11:42

I mean each to their own of course, but this is something my DH would say and I would find it funny as I know it would be just a joke.

WhatAboutSecondBreakfast86 · 24/03/2026 11:28

Some of these responses are wild!
What is life if you can't crack an adult joke now and then? Does everyone on mumsnet only have quiet, nice sex in missionary or something?
loosen up a bit!
I would have laughed, and i'm not a cool girl or a pick me whatever those stupid terms are meant to mean.

Lisa411980 · 24/03/2026 11:25

Are you under 40 ? I think anyone over 40 would laugh at this I know so many friends plus myself that would

BeBreezyPlum · 24/03/2026 11:19

What? Your husband has trying to involve you in motor accidents? And now thinks this is a proper subject for a joke? This makes no sense to me but is obviously unacceptable and may be an offence.

BauhausOfEliott · 24/03/2026 11:02

TrashHeap · 24/03/2026 08:04

No. In fact I think the women on here who think the OP needs to get over it etc, are all "pick me" women, and do nothing but hold up patriarchy like Serena fucking Joy.

HTH.

The “pick me” / “cool wife” trope is also incredibly misogynistic, though.

Suggesting that women who don’t agree with you are only disagreeing because they must automatically want male approval is misogynistic. Women can have different views and perspectives and to assume that men must be the motivator for that, rather than accepting that women are individuals who are fully capable of making independent judgements (even if you find them unpalatable) is a very misogynistic standpoint.

Angelicake · 24/03/2026 10:08

I have never in my life heard this joke before

It's only repeated by men with a certain crude mentality or immature boys. Only difference is, an immature boy wouldn't say it in front of an adult.

A word from a pp stuck in my mind earlier. Neanderthal.

dadtoateen · 24/03/2026 09:59

LunchatthePriory · 24/03/2026 09:57

Alumnus of the school of Martin Goodman.

Edited

Apologies, I have no idea of the relevance of that.

LunchatthePriory · 24/03/2026 09:57

dadtoateen · 24/03/2026 09:47

You know i never knew that! Learn something new everyday on here

Alumnus of the school of Martin Goodman.

dadtoateen · 24/03/2026 09:47

thepariscrimefiles · 24/03/2026 08:47

Referring to 'females' instead of 'women' is demeaning and misogynistic and this sort of terminology is often used by Andrew Tate groupies.

The Inbetweeners was funny because the characters were typical adolescent boys with no experience with women bragging about their totally imaginary successful sexual encounters with women. It's much less amusing when this sort of puerile humour comes from adult men with girlfriends, wives and children.

You know i never knew that! Learn something new everyday on here

Sortingmyself · 24/03/2026 09:05

iamfedupwiththis · 24/03/2026 07:56

Anyone else feel sorry for her husband and half the husbands on here?

Absolutely not. If you feel sorry for misogynistic twats then more fool you.

TelContact · 24/03/2026 09:04

iamfedupwiththis · 24/03/2026 07:56

Anyone else feel sorry for her husband and half the husbands on here?

I feel sorry for the many women here who have such low standards and a lack of self-respect. And the next generation that they are raising.

Their social circles are such that this kind of misogyny is normalised. they just can’t see it, and think others are being humourless prudes. MN makes me grateful for the funny, decent and intelligent men in my life.

There are plenty of clever ways to be funny rather than a crude joke about anal sex.

Sortingmyself · 24/03/2026 09:03

MasterBeth · 23/03/2026 20:18

I would find it tasteless and misogynistic whether or not I'd just had a car crash.

"Smash my back doors in?" Get to fuck.

yep, this.

But also, he says that she's 'uptight' because she didn't enjoy the joke (at her expense, after a stressful incident) ... she was upset! and the first thing he does, KNOWING she is upset? Yeah, that's right...send her a text...'don't be so uptight and get a sense of humour'?? what a fucking prince he is.