AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

My view exactly. I personally would have laughed (doesn’t make me a pick me, random man saying that would be a massive ick, but me and my partner talk like that and I’m okay with that) but her partner of all people should know where her line is and what she’d find funny and wouldn’t find funny, we all have different humour and that’s ok.

I mean I’d have laughed, but me and my partner have the kind of relationship where we laugh about everything. You weren’t seriously injured were you? You’re fine, it happens sometimes with cars. Could have been much worse. Just one of those annoying things.

My view would be don’t take life so seriously and laugh adversity right in the face, but not everyone is like that and your husband should know you well enough to know you’re not going to find it funny. I do see it’s frustrating for you (which is why I’d personally joke about it, but that’s not everyone’s coping mechanism).

You’re entitled not to find it funny, each to their own. It’s not the end of the world though is it, at least you’re okay and not hurt, that’s the main thing.

Why say it then? Hardly the sort of thing a bloke says at random to a woman he's been married to for years. There's presumably some context or back story (pun not intended).

Yes me too. Can’t believe some of the responses from people saying they’d be ok with this!

psychobabble more like.

Christ alive!

Mountain Molehill much 🙄
I don't know how that makes me a pick me whatever, i'm just not so stuck up my own arse that i can't see the funny side of basically a minor car prang!

So many people have said that the OP should know his sense of humour by now. Surely, as the person who actually made the joke, he should have known hers?

Good old male banter eh. Always so fucking hilarious. What a shame there's just so many uptight, frigid women that don't appreciate it.

Sorry, I’m in psychology. That type of response in a time of crisis is indicative of the coping strategies he employs. Fortunately, most of us don’t have too many crisis to test this out, but when it happens and you can sometimes see something in your partner that is not great. If it’s not addressed, you can look forward to more of the same when another crisis hits. This can even cause anxiety in the relationship about how much you can rely on your partner in times of crisis.

To be fair to the partner, people don’t come perfectly formed, we usually have to work on ourselves. If he was taking OP’s upset seriously then I’m sure they could’ve worked it out. He’s not respecting the OP‘s reasonable upset and that’s a serious relationship problem. If he’s not respecting the OP’s point of view, it suggests he thinks he’s infallible on all things. That’s a huge problem and not one of the OP can address alone if the partner is not going to listen to anything she says.

This.

He made one joke and now he’s obsessed with anal sex?

OP has not said this at all.

You clearly are a pick-me girl and it sounds like you’ve been told that before. You are unfathomably keen to paint yourself as not vanilla while mocking others for potentially being vanilla. Why do that if you’re not a pick me girl?

The husband made a dig about not getting anl so for a laugh, immediately after his partner had been stressed out with a minor car accident and probably had the joy of insurance call centre calls to make.

You’re suggesting, you think mocking someone for what they do or not do in bed is appropriate at that precise point in time?? And what about partner’s doubling down on it? Do you really think it’s more important to be ‘right’ than be kind and just say sorry to your partner who has had a stressful day?

Relationship counselling over one issue?

It looks like it might just be a few of us who think this way, but after a stressful experience, you really don’t need an anl sx ‘ ‘joke’ that actually sounds like a back-handed comment that you don’t engage in anl sx enough.

It’s not so much that he made the joke- people make mistakes. It’s that he doubled down on it despite you being upset. The normal thing when he saw you didn’t find it funny was to say “I’m sorry, I thought it would lighten the mood- I was wrong.”

Is he always this much of a douche? I would strongly recommend relationship counselling.

In times of crisis you need a bloke you can rely on to be kind and supportive. Not one who uses a stressful situation as an opportunity to mock and make a dig about not getting enough s*x. Which he then follows up with some classic ‘narcissistic injury’ tendencies of belittling you for your lack of humour rather than reflecting on his lack of appropriateness.

Good luck with him, but I’ve no doubt you deserve better.

Smash just means having sex. It’s not a euphemism for rape.

I am surprised you haven't got bloody whiplash from jumping to that conclusion

This thread has taken a funny turn over the last few pages.

Seems like if you don’t agree with someones opinion its Ok to start calling them names

then the feminist push to paint the OP’s husband as some kind of porn addicted wannabe rapist for making a joke is bizarre

How the actual @}{{ have you got trying to involve her in motor accidents?

How?

We are 52 and 56 and we would laugh!

You got that from a one line joke?

jesus

That would make me laugh, but then again I’m clearly an overgrown child 😂

I’m more confused as to why “independent woman” feels the need to call their husband for something so trivial. You are ok, the children are ok, you go home phone tge insurance to find out exactly what is required, and get on with life.

i can understand if there is blood, guts and carnage, but unless your husband is an expert on this sort of thing, do you have to come accross as the needy wife when he is at (im assuming) work

Well lots of people do find it funny. You don’t. Excellent. I find it funnier that she posted it in Mumsnet too.

It would make me laugh, but I’ve got an extremely dark sense of humour

That's not what a dark sense of humour means. Dark/Black/Gallows humour can be clever and funny. This is crude humour.

You might think it is. I don't. I think it's tacky and laddish. I have got a very good sense of humour so I wouldn't want to spend time with someone who says this kind of thing. Believe me I've known a lot of people like this in the past. If you're a grown adult and you're saying stuff like this to your wife and the getting nasty when they don't find it funny, you're childish and grim.