AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

I mean I’d have laughed, but me and my partner have the kind of relationship where we laugh about everything

Dh and myself tend to laugh only at things that are funny.

I know my young adult kids would be disgusted by this and not think it was funny. I’m in my 50s and also don’t think it’s funny; it’s facile and sexist crude humour disguised as ‘banter’

I agree with every word of this.

I honestly think some people are surrounded by Neanderthals and this is their level of humour and their norm. I absolutely make a judgement on their level of intelligence. I am amused at the person who called this ‘dark’ humour. Clueless!

And I think this hits the truth. The clever/dry/witty observations are totally lost on some.

Joke back something equally crass. The bloke had a lovely gear knob and you wanted him to fill you up with unleaded.

That should shut him up.

Never seen so much pearl clutching on a post before, hilariously

So it’s rage or crass vulgar jokes? Have you never met a nice man?

IMO if your own husband can’t make a joke like that then you don’t have much of a marriage anymore

In this situation absolutely. It was not the moment for coarse humor.

I haven’t read any of the responses so I don’t know general consensus but I’m assuming that’s your husband’s sense of humour and the kind of thing he usually does/says? Doesn’t mean it’s necessarily right but if that’s what you’re attracted to as a person then it’s kind of expected?

My husband is exactly the same and I’ll admit it does drive me crazy sometimes but I have to remind myself that’s what I picked. My dad and brother in law on the other hand would be the complete opposite, they would never say anything so crass and my mum/ sister would get completely looked after and cared for, and treated ‘correctly’ in such a situation.

I fell in love with my husband’s stupidity, humour, quick wit and that is what I get. I know he cares and it would be totally different if I was actually hurt, but he would definitely think it was funny to say something like that in your situation.

It was a tasteless joke. But you were all fine and the car just needs repairing. Having grown up in a house where genuinely this would have been an omg how are we going to tell him situation for my dad this seriously isn't the worst reaction you could have had. My husband would have probably made a similar joke. I would have laughed and felt nothing but relief that my husband was supportive and not bothered by what was a accident.

So the options are a shit joke about anal sex or a rage? Your bar is in hell.

My partner would ask if I was ok, ask if everyone else was ok, then say not to worry, it’s what insurance is for. He’d give me a hug when I got home and make me a cup of tea.

Get a grip ! You are here to tell the tale of what happened so what else matters? He could have gone into a rage would that have suited you better?

I never fail to be surprised by women on Mumsnet’s scramble to excuse and enable men’s behaviour. And explain it away with bullshit like “oh, men are black and white thinkers” It’s soo depressing! For the avoidance of doubt, even if he’d made the “joke” because he thought it was funny, his reaction when he’d realised his misjudgment should have been to apologise, not double down.

Ok. Well thank you for quoting me in your pointless comment.

With hindsight and a minute to take a breath I would say yeah just a joke and personally one I’d find funny. But I also get that (typically) men think really blank and white. His brain is thinking ‘crash happened, she is fine, just a joke’ and he wouldn’t be wrong but that’s a very emotionless, logical and linear way to think. (Typically) women can be more emotional thinkers and so whilst I don’t think he’s been mean or horrible, a little more on the empathy side would have been better received and then later at dinner he could make that joke and you may well have found it funnier. Comedy is all about timing right?
If he had been a bit more emotional thinking and said ‘oh babe that’s bloody crap, you ok driving home? When you get here I’ll have a tea ready for you.’ And as you walk in he gives you a hug and THEN said the joke that would have been better received too I think. So maybe just a tad more care and attention on his part.

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Well he said that he wanted to 'smash in her back doors' in the context of a recent motor vehicle accident. This must surely refer to an accident in which he damaged the boot door or maybe the rear passenger doors of her car. Either way, by "rear-ending" her.

I obviously do not condone this but it's impossible to read it any other way.

I do wonder if he is some kind of pervert as the movie Crash deals with people who are turned on by car accidents.

It was a poorly timed un-funny joke. Wojld be easy to let it slide if he hadn't doubled down with calling you uptight.

This.
He sounds like a vulgar twat.
Hope it is sorted out as painlessly as possible

Same, I giggled reading this, but its the kind of relationship me and my husband have, I probably would have replied, “well isn't he a lucky bugger then!”but then if youre not used to that sort of thing or don't like it I can see why you’d feel a bit annoyed.

lol, I think it’s quite funny, but me and my husband have the same sense of humour (which is one of the reasons why we are together)

Most people seem to be okay with this. It is certainly an eye-opener.

I know my young adult kids would be disgusted by this and not think it was funny. I’m in my 50s and also don’t think it’s funny; it’s facile and sexist crude humour disguised as ‘banter’. I honestly think some people are surrounded by Neanderthals and this is their level of humour and their norm. I absolutely make a judgement on their level of intelligence. I am amused at the person who called this ‘dark’ humour. Clueless!

YANBU, @Laulau3 . And accident or no accident, I'd be offended by anyone wanting to smash my backdoor in, so there's that.

It sounds like he was trying to make you feel a little better by having a joke about it…..which obviously fell flat.

personally I would have laughed 🤷🏼‍♀️

Sorry OP, I voted YABU but it wasn't until I scrolled down that I realised it was a joke about anal sex, so now I would vote YANB one hundred times over. It was just vulgar, crude and innapropriate, regardless of whether or not you had just had a car accident.

That’s why I said “each to their own”. She asked for opinions !