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AIBU?

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AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

367 replies

Laulau3 · 23/03/2026 18:10

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

OP posts:
plims · 24/03/2026 22:08

Cob81 · 24/03/2026 22:07

Oh I know isn’t it……I can’t imagine living such a pathetic boring life that I get offended so easily

What on earth are you on about?

Cob81 · 24/03/2026 22:07

plims · 24/03/2026 21:55

How pathetic.

Oh I know isn’t it……I can’t imagine living such a pathetic boring life that I get offended so easily

Firefly1987 · 24/03/2026 22:07

I'm genuinely surprised so many women wouldn't have a problem with this. I mean it's MN where any hint of misogyny is jumped on but this is fine? Really? And yes I know it's a joke and not literal, that's beside the point.

Cob81 · 24/03/2026 22:05

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plims · 24/03/2026 21:55

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How pathetic.

Cob81 · 24/03/2026 21:51

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DirtyBird · 24/03/2026 20:52

It would depend on if he always minimized everything that was told to him. My ex would make jokes like this all the time, which was quite mean in my opinion. If its only every once in a while I wouldn't care.

AInightingale · 24/03/2026 20:30

He's suggesting he wanted anal sex but it's been refused. He takes the opportunity to have a dig using an aggressive term...

It surprises me how many posters don't even see a hint of red flag there.

Exactly this. I can't imagine someone making a remark like that out of the blue to their wife if there wasn't a bit of background to it, and yet the posters siding with this oaf seem to think that drawing this conclusion is an overreaction?

PottingBench · 24/03/2026 20:19

‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’.

This is passive aggressive behaviour isn't it? The using of a 'joke' to have a dig.
He's suggesting he wanted anal sex but it's been refused. He takes the opportunity to have a dig using an aggressive term..

OP sees it as a dig, not a joke and so it's not funny to her.
He tells her she's uptight and should get a sense of humour.

I sort of associate that kind of behaviour with controlling/abusive men I've known.

He might not have meant it like that. Perhaps the 'over the years' comment was part of some throwaway joke (??)

But it surprises me how many posters don't even see a hint of red flag there.

BeBreezyPlum · 24/03/2026 19:51

iamfedupwiththis · 24/03/2026 17:48

You need help.

I'm not the one who's had a car accident, though. Strange comment.

TheChickenRun · 24/03/2026 19:37

LunchatthePriory · 23/03/2026 18:39

Man tells misogynist joke at expense of his wife, who's just been involved in an accident.
She, not unreasonably, doesn't find it funny.

Then tells her she's uptight and needs to get a sense of humour.

He's a dickhead isn't he?

Yes.

Julimia · 24/03/2026 19:32

Curled Kate yes thanks have met plenty of nice men. O

Lisa411980 · 24/03/2026 19:26

Thisle · 24/03/2026 11:56

Weird, I didn't find that particular brand of gross sexualising humour funny at 20 and I don't at 39, when the clock ticks over to 40 in a few months I doubt that will be the deciding factor.

You've just stated your under 40 I'm almost 46 and it's definitely something alot of people I know would call great banter she wasn't hurt he made sure she was OK 1st it's something to lighten the mood. SO GLAD I GREW IP IN THE ERA I DID 🙄 THEY ALL HAD A SENSE OF HUMOUR AND GOOD BANTER AND WERNT SO SENSITIVE

Yerdug · 24/03/2026 19:19

Unclench your buttocks.

exaltedwombat · 24/03/2026 19:13

DO you consensually indulge in that particular practice?

SillyCally11 · 24/03/2026 18:42

I think your lucky to have a hilarious, quick witted husband 😂

AlternativeMurmur · 24/03/2026 18:41

Derbee · 23/03/2026 18:31

I think this is pathetic, and badly timed after a car accident. But agree that you presumably already knew he’s got a pathetic and misogynistic sense of humour?

Only opened this today and about 7 posts down there it is... my first brainless misandrist of the day. Got to love this site.

OP, chill, it was a joke and quite off the cuff by the sound of it, so yes, funny.

partygarden · 24/03/2026 18:38

That’s pretty funny actually. I lolled reading it on the train. Yeah, it’s crass/tasteless/ proper blokey humour… still quite amusing.
I guess it depends if there’s a back story… 😂🙈

ScartlettSole · 24/03/2026 18:34

Dawnintheageofaquariams · 23/03/2026 19:26

For a start it is a shit joke.
No back door on a car.
Your DH needs to stay in his lane being an unfunny twat and writing jokes for Jimmy Carr to do in Dubai.

The boot door is a door or used to be. I had a 5 door hatchback, the boot was the fifth door

ScartlettSole · 24/03/2026 18:27

youalright · 23/03/2026 18:27

Hes right you are being uptight, its a joke. But im sure their will be plenty of posters who come along who will stir the pot and tell you how he doesn't respect you and that you should leave him etc etc

Exactly this. I'm sure I'll find a LTB just a few comments down from yours. To be honest I could not deal with someone who got offended over a joke like this.

BooBooDoodle · 24/03/2026 18:24

It’s a bloody joke. Dear me. I would have found it funny.

YeaVerily · 24/03/2026 17:54

Well me and my husband found it funny

You said you laugh at everything.
We only laugh at things we find funny.
So I suppose it makes us different.
You laugh at everything.
We laugh at funny things.

YeaVerily · 24/03/2026 17:49

I do wonder if he is some kind of pervert as the movie Crash deals with people who are turned on by car accidents

For all those people wondering why this poster doesn't see the joke, it's because there isn't one.

iamfedupwiththis · 24/03/2026 17:49

YeaVerily · 24/03/2026 17:47

I mean I’d have laughed, but me and my partner have the kind of relationship where we laugh about everything

Dh and myself tend to laugh only at things that are funny.

Well me and my husband found it funny.

Does that make us better or worse than you?

iamfedupwiththis · 24/03/2026 17:48

BeBreezyPlum · 24/03/2026 15:07

Well he said that he wanted to 'smash in her back doors' in the context of a recent motor vehicle accident. This must surely refer to an accident in which he damaged the boot door or maybe the rear passenger doors of her car. Either way, by "rear-ending" her.

I obviously do not condone this but it's impossible to read it any other way.

I do wonder if he is some kind of pervert as the movie Crash deals with people who are turned on by car accidents.

You need help.