AIBU to think DH’s joke after my car crash was inappropriate?

Nope. Calling women stupid and trashy for finding something funny you didn’t is incredibly misogynistic.

Nope. Calling women stupid and trashy for finding something funny you didn’t is incredibly misogynistic.

Ah but I think the men laughing along are equally unintelligent and trashy and misogynistic 😇

With hindsight and a minute to take a breath I would say yeah just a joke and personally one I’d find funny. But I also get that (typically) men think really blank and white. His brain is thinking ‘crash happened, she is fine, just a joke’ and he wouldn’t be wrong but that’s a very emotionless, logical and linear way to think. (Typically) women can be more emotional thinkers and so whilst I don’t think he’s been mean or horrible, a little more on the empathy side would have been better received and then later at dinner he could make that joke and you may well have found it funnier. Comedy is all about timing right?
If he had been a bit more emotional thinking and said ‘oh babe that’s bloody crap, you ok driving home? When you get here I’ll have a tea ready for you.’ And as you walk in he gives you a hug and THEN said the joke that would have been better received too I think. So maybe just a tad more care and attention on his part.

I don’t think the joke is funny personally, but the thing that would make me the most mad is that when you said you didn’t appreciate the joke, he dismissed you instead of just apologising.

Someone went in to the back of my car earlier today when I was returning from nursery drop off. I was in traffic, so no harm done to me, but the car obviously needs some repairs. The man driving stopped and was apologetic and we swapped details.

I called DH and after checking I was okay, he ‘joked’ that ‘he has had more luck than me over the years in smashing your back doors in’. I told him I didn’t see the funny side.

He messaged me later to say I’m being uptight and to get a sense of humour.

There’s a time and a place, surely?

You could have said, well if sex with you was less like a car accident it might happen more often.

His joke was gross and misogynistic so not being unreasonable

I don’t think you actually understand what the word ‘joke’ means.

No it hasn't helped actually.

I actually feel sorry for those of you who can't have a laugh between themselves

It's not a joke. It 's a statement.

Do the people on the thread find it funny because they think OP's partner having a dig at her about not wanting anal sex hilarious? I don't.
Just because you are trying to convince
me that it is joke doesn't make it a joke.

The fact that apparently other pp chose to laugh at this offensive statement doesn't make it a joke either.

It still remains OP's partner having an offensive dig at her. And having an offensive dig at her when she has just had a car accident. Which tells you a lot about the man doesn't it? And actually about the pp who think it's funny.

With hindsight and a minute to take a breath I would say yeah just a joke and personally one I’d find funny. But I also get that (typically) men think really blank and white. His brain is thinking ‘crash happened, she is fine, just a joke’ and he wouldn’t be wrong but that’s a very emotionless, logical and linear way to think. (Typically) women can be more emotional thinkers and so whilst I don’t think he’s been mean or horrible, a little more on the empathy side would have been better received and then later at dinner he could make that joke and you may well have found it funnier. Comedy is all about timing right?
If he had been a bit more emotional thinking and said ‘oh babe that’s bloody crap, you ok driving home? When you get here I’ll have a tea ready for you.’ And as you walk in he gives you a hug and THEN said the joke that would have been better received too I think. So maybe just a tad more care and attention on his part.

Grim.

I think if you dismiss women as 'unintelligent and trashy' for having a different opinion to yours, you are in no position to accuse anyone else of misogyny.

Surely a joke is meant to be something humorous, to make somebody laugh?
This is not in any way humorous.

Presumably you understand that humour is completely subjective, though?

You didn't find it funny - and that is totally understandable. But lots of people on the thread have said they do find it funny. The fact that you personally don't find it funny doesn't mean it was a sincere declaration by the person who said it.

A joke doesn't stop being a joke because some people find it horrible, disturbing and offensive. A joke doesn't have to be universally enjoyed.

The fact that it is a joke doesn't necessarily excuse it, or mean nobody is allowed to be offended by it. And finding it unfunny doesn't mean someone is a prude or uptight. But it is, nonetheless, a joke, and it doesn't cease to be one just because it doesn't appeal to your particular sense of humour.

It absolutely IS a joke

Surely a joke is meant to be something humorous, to make somebody laugh?

This is not in any way humorous.

Just because a certain type of person says it and labels it ' a joke" doesn't make it one.

It's a vindictive misogynistic statement.

I think there is a far larger unintelligent and trashy element on MN than I ever thought. Who have a puerile sense of humour and a very low bar when it comes to men.

A kind of Dunning-Kruger take on misogyny.