Does this sound fair re: stepdaughters?

seeing as they only see you every other weekend, it makes sense that their clothes should be kept at their (mums) house. So therefore they should pack a weekend bag for when they visit your house. There should be basics like pjs and socks and pants and toothbrushes and toiletries at yours. And probably a few basic leggings/joggers and t shirts. Depending on the sort of activities you do it might make sense to have coats and wellies / walking boots that stay at yours too. But it’s ridiculous for them to turn up with no clothes and just expect to be bought new ones. If my son leaves his nice coat at his nans, I don’t buy him a new one. He has to wear his old
one until we next see her!

They are more than old enough to bring a bag with them each time now they're older.

We did this as kids from about 10, maybe even younger, every weekend of our childhoods. It's not a big deal.

I'd suggest keep pjs at yours and maybe some spare pants and socks (but just cheap back up basic pants and socks, nothing too fancy so they're treated like plan B items not desirable items).

I'd perhaps also keep something very basic like some nice Primark leggings and tee for each of them, for pure emergencies eg if they are sick on what they've packed for example. I'd keep them somewhere inaccessible for a genuine emergency outfit so that again it can't be reached for randomly.

I'd explain it to them as a good thing for them. Outfits belong to them and they can choose what days to wear them, what to pack in their bags etc. Dad will buy them clothing now and then eh if they've had a growth spurt or 2/3 times a year etc and they can manage their own wardrobes.

I think you are right ti suggest a change and clothes gi back and forward. Hopefully if you dh reassures mum he will still be buying clothes she will be fine with it. If not she is being unreasonable.

Do they come straight from school on a Fri it may be difficult having weekend clothes packed as well as school booked but hopefully can work around that.

She has maintenance for 80% of the time. So she buys 80% of clothes. If she wants more money say you’ll provide the additional 20% including what’s already been provided. Buy Vinted clothes and stress less.

No one remembers what they wore when 14 but they know how visits made them feel. Being the better dressed house is about you projecting an image.

@StephEP It’s a great idea and will help them learn to pack for themselves and be super efficient when they start to go on weekends away and the like. It takes the pressure off you as well. I’m sure there will be teething troubles but it will all work out in the end!

I’d pick them up from mums house, not school. They get changed and pick up their pre packed bag. Their dad makes it clear there’s no time for shopping. You might wash a few bits and pieces but take them back on Sunday in weekend clothes. They will begin to understand they need to pack before long!

The logistics are: arrive Friday in school uniform, go back Sunday in normal clothes and uniform packed. Repeat every 2nd weekend so an outfit isn't replenished.

If Mum isn't washing the clothes particularly carefully could you suggest they bring a bag of washing with them? Suggest it to the kids, not her 😉 Might make the clothes last longer.

And maybe a stack of Primark £1 vests and trackies to travel in might be useful although I can't quite work out the logistics.

@StephEP as they're old enough to express their preference to live with Mum, then they're old enough to pack a bag of clothes for the weekend to bring with them and take back. Just put a plastic bag for dirty clothes that they can take home with them.

I would then buy some cheap clothes as an emergency if they forget and won't be missed if they don't come back.

This does sound like something of a spiteful power trip by the kids mother.
I’d suggest you wash what the arrive in on Friday and send them home in those on Sunday keeping Saturdays clothes that you’ve supplied at your home.

Well id say I buy the needed seasonal clothes, he buys the designer stuff that id have been crucified for when I dare spoil them at xmas etc.

Technically the maintenance is contribution to clothing as well as shelter and food but any clothes he has bought just go into her wardrobe like all her other clothes. I dont see why mum at this age is trying to control what they wear. The children are more than old enough to decide. He also needs to have a discussion going forward. As the NRP its not his responsibility solely to buy essential daily clothing.

This is what I think is happening, they or their mum have worked out that they get new clothes if they forget to bring stuff with them.
I would say they have to bring their clothes with them, or just buy them very cheap stuff, it will soon stop.

You can still buy them clothes.

Surely there's no point in keeping clothes to be worn EOW? They'll grow out of them before they get much use. Let them be in charge of what they wear.

In your OP you say the girls are “perfectly adequately dressed” by their mother and later you say they are dressed in clothes that are “generally in bad condition (stained, wrong size, second hand and very worn)” or “rags”.

Which is it?

I think I would cut back on the shopping trips. Of course they are going to 'forget' their nice clothes if they know a shopping trip in on the cards. Buy a few cheaper outfits from Shein or Primark - both of which do quite nice things.

My SC were with us 50:50 so they always had pretty much a full wardrobe at both homes and clothes freely went backwards and forwards.
In your situation I would have all the basics - undies, PJ's and some simple outfits - leggings/t-shirts etc. Coats should go with the child ditto shoes. Maybe have spare wellies or crocs so there's always something else to wear on the feet.
Maybe let the girls choose some of their own things? Introduce them to Vinted.

Can you not wash their Friday clothes, and get them to put it on before they leave the house on Sunday? Seems like a pretty straight-forward solution.

Ah, never mind. I see now they come wearing uniform.

Jeez, my 13yr old takes a bag when going to dads. She has pj's and some clothes there but takes her own bag for visits dependant in What the plans are. They are plenty old enough to plan their own outfits.

That was suggested by a couple of people in the thread

I think you are probably referring to me rather than the OP about sending the child back in uniform as I mentioned we explained to.my stepson why we might need to do that.

Unfortunately we had to do it once in the past when he was maybe 6? I cried so much that weekend but it was genuinely a toss up between eating a meal or buying him another outfit. We couldn't afford both. It's not to teach anyone a lesson... its because physically and finacially we couldn't take anymore.

please Please don’t send them back in uniform to prove a point - the only person you’re shaming and hurting is the children.
have you spoken to them at all and asked them what they would prefer to do regarding clothing? Getting their input will really make them feel seen and their feelings validated. To you it’s clothes, to them it represents something so much deeper about being seen, heard and validated as their own person with their own wishes.