Does this sound fair re: stepdaughters?

Sounds like a great idea. I would buy them each a small airline trolley on wheels so they can carry the clothes they want easily from their house and then return at the end of the weekend . Have spare underwear/ pjs / a warm jumper or coat, or t shirts at yours in case of weather changes. They can keep toothbrushes, hairbrushes/ toothpaste/ deodorants/ moisturiser/ shampoo/ shower gels at yours as well so they don’t have to cart them from house to house.

NRP won’t have to facilitate bag packing for kids thus age surely? They are both at senior school I presume?

Why? Only buy new clothes for birthdays and Christmas. If they arrive without clothes then have cheap supermarket basics at yours eg joggers, T-shirts and pjs.

My godson had an arrangement where he had specific clothes at Mum’s and another specific set at Dad’s - belongings weren’t allowed to be swapped between houses. Each parent had different tastes, and it was as though he was expected to be a different person at each house. There was a lot going on, including animosity between parents, but I wouldn’t be surprised this contributed to his subsequent mental health problems and eating disorder. It was exhausting for the poor kid.

Then scale back on the value you spend. Use vinted etc if they want branded stuff.

Dd is a dancer and likes in gym gear, the current must have is gymshark as she find their gym bras comfy and not"funny fabric" or too x or y (awaiting autism diagnosis), but at £30-50 a time she gets nearly new off vinted for far less!

This unfortunately is going to be a pick your battles moment. The risk of what their mum may do as a spin really isnt worth it. And i absolutely get it, my stepkids with dd's dad have a mum who would convince them they moon was purple if she thought it would make their dad (and me) look bad. They are 22 and 20 now and they are fully aware of who was the protagonist now. Their mum has pulled some horrific shit in the last few years and dsd has confided in me a lot over it, mainly because we just played the game and picked which battles werr genuinely going to benefit them.

Ultimately it is the kids that will get harmed in any significant change and that should really be avoided at all costs.

Change them into the nice clothes when they come to you, then change them back when they go home.
im the same as you - I bought lovely clothes for the step kids but they would never be seen again, even when the mother said she needed new clothes for them.

I asked her for a few spares to keep at ours and she gave me a full bag back containing ALL the clothes I’ve bought them the past year, many new with tags. I’ve sold them on Vinted and refuse to buy them anymore due to her ungratefulness.

I don't think you will find their mother amicable so to avoid engaging I would explain to the children that while you don't mind at all if they wear their own clothes (that you have bought) back to their home with Mum, the fact that these things aren't returned means that you have to keep buying new things - which you would be happy to do but you only have a certain amount of money and you'd rather spend any extra money on other things that they would enjoy, like clip n climb or a treat or whatever. So to avoid the migration of clothes problem, you think it might be best if they went home in the(washed) clothes they arrived in, unless they particularly love something you've bought and really want to wear it more often. And ask if they think that seems like a sensible solution.

I’m guessing mum does a lot more washing of the clothes than Dad does twice a month. Expecting the kids to keep the nice clothes bought by you for use at your house is so weird.

I think it's a great idea and it's exactly what our children do now they're old enough to pack a bag and plan what they want to wear. You sound like a wonderful Step-Mum.

Even with less expensive clothes, can you afford to buy 26 entire changes of clothes over a year because they don't get returned? That's add up to a lot of money.

Can you just ask them whether they'd prefer this? I think that's the most reasonable solution for everyone. If they say no, you keep going on the current system, and maybe get a bit stricter about stuff being kept at yours.

If they want to move to bringing stuff every time, then do that instead (I'd keep underwear, PJs, a couple of items of clothing and a pair of cheap shoes at yours, just in case they have to stay on short notice, or something comes up that means they need them). I'd also say you want a full contingent of basic+ toiletries (nice shampoo and body wash, facewash, toothbrushes and toothpaste, pads and tampons, body sprays etc) so not everything has to go back and forth, its not a big deal if they forget stuff, and so they still feel like it's partially their home too.
I do think this is probably the more sensible option, and will actually let them get proper wear out of their nice stuff before they outgrow it, without any of the resentment currently felt.

Then husband speaks to mum at drop off and says what's happening from now on, that he's agreed it with the girls, and that next time he has them they'll be going shopping, and he'll be sure to get them a new suitable bag/holdall to transport the stuff back and forth, alongside whatever else they usually buy. (or that they've been and bought them already, but that's what they're for).

Well the mum is doing 75 percent of the parenting effort. Surely your household can choke down the responsibility of a few Primark leggings.

Teens don't always mind cheap. My SIL has been dressing hers in lovely clothes and is despairing as the eldest now likes Primark! They like the cheaper fashion that keeps pace with this week's trend.

I deplore it, but I'm much older ...

Honestly I’d just buy them less expensive clothes. They are young yet, you are going to be doing this a long time.

What do you propose the kids wear whilst at their Dads if no clothes are bought?

I have been the stepmum and the mum in this scenario and honestly thales absolute last thing you should do is what you have suggested and have them bring an overnight bag each time. It will automatically make them feel like a guest in their home with their dad.

I do absolutely get that it is frustrating, but kids genuinely have sod all idea who bought what so expecting them to remember is unreasonable. Send them home in what they came in or in leggings and a top that doesn't matter much.

Do you do Friday straight from school to your or do they go home to mum's before pick up? If they ho home, make sure they change out of their uniform. Then they go home in what they came in.

I think your plan sounds fine. I'd tell the girls that they are welcome to leave any clothes they want at Dad's house but they should also bring anything additional they want to wear during the weekend. The mother might have a point that it's mean to make them take a bag IF you were saying they couldn't leave things at Dad's and HAD to carry them back and forth, but at that age it's completely normal that they'll have favourites in heavy rotation that they'll want with them no matter which house they're at.

And yes, I'd make sure there's at least always one set of current-sized pyjamas, underwear, socks, and T-shirt for each of them just in case. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. If you buy these specially for the purpose instead of using what they already have at the house, I'd maybe put them away until they're needed/asked for.

Just get bits n pieces from vinted or charity shops.

Ah yes... the bio mum must be wearing them or selling them on ebay?

They are the children's clothes. Once given, they are given. The girls can have them where they want. Presumably they are wearing them at home, and after all the purpose is for them to wear them isn't it?