Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

Exactly. Yes it’s your own time, but work are essentially paying for it, so if they’d prefer their staff socialise with each other, rather than bring partners then that’s perfectly reasonable.

One of my staff did it once. I went with them to check in as I was joining them for dinner, to find out one wasn’t coming with us, as her DH had driven 6hrs for a night in a hotel. I found it bizarre, you live with this man, and a chance to catch up with colleagues is in my book, more important. I didn’t say anything, and she has moved on anyway, but not the done thing.

Im asking the question I actually typed oddly.

You don’t get to re draft it to fit some lazy oh you’re anti husband agenda.

She’s spending hardly any time with her husband in any case, he’s at work all day.

No, I don't, that's why I'm asking the question. You haven't answered it.

The thing I find interesting is the word maybe, is how keen all the plus ones seem to be to hang out with eachother. If I’m going to put effort into making friends in a workplace it’ll my work not my husbands. If it was a really cool company with loads of glam events that’d be one thing but basic out of town hotels doing audit for a couple of nights I don’t get.

And OP you describe it as a really nice company & how you’ve built relationships with other plus ones but no one thought to ask this woman to dinner until she brought it up. Or possibly explain that plus ones were a thing.

Why would you want to spend more time with your husband than you have to?

That's what you're asking, isn't it.

So why are you so incensed at the thought of other people that you dont even know, daring to have a bit of fun and getting a free stay? It's an utterly jobless approach, and doesn't indicate personal happiness.

So we’ve gone from “no prejudice” to “less prejudiced”? That’s a big change.

And I work in one of the most accepting and accommodating industries on the planet - very happily I might add - and I still wouldn’t bring my wife to a work event. Because guess what? Prejudice exists in every sphere of life.

Well aren’t you pleasant.

I'm saying what I said. A colleague was comfortable bringing his boyfriends along when they were all working away. To me that indicates a less prejudiced industry than the one you seem to rather unhappily find yourself in.

I know! How ghastly! Terribly damaging - I should know, I go to weddings alone [pause for group lament at my misfortune]. In light of this wellbeing information, companies should OBVIOUSLY provide overnight companions for single employees!

Actually, in 'Mad Men' days, they did. We could probably shoehorn the sex work debate in here if we just push ever so slightly ...

But the insurance isn’t, as I have pointed out before. Have none of you ever had to complete a risk assessment?

Ultimately I agree with this. It seems like such an antiquated approach to work trips and the organisation were probably looking to implement a new culture, especially given the current climate. The fact that all this seems to have been decided in the blink of an eye points to it being in the plans for a while.

The dime’s the same whether the room’s shared or not. This has been pointed out to you before.

So prejudice does not exist in an entire industry because your husband has not witnessed it? That is quite some statement to make.

Nah. If she's raised a complaint, they have to address it with the claimed offenders, don't they? So they tell the men "It has come to our attention that your familial behaviour at offsite accommodations has led to colleagues feeling excluded". They seem to have skipped the next part, where they invite responses before proceeding, but it doesn't take a detective to figure out who complained.

I hope the men do respond. I'd be surprised if there's anything in their contracts or implied terms about responsibility for the emotional wellbeing of peers (what a fascinating can of worms that would be!) And they did actually offer company to the lonely little flower.

Of course you can visit whoever you like after work. Just don’t invite them to stay with you on the company’s dime.

Why wasn’t the female colleague told by management she could have a plus one on this trip before the trip ? if it was company policy that everyone could. It sounds like it was a surprise to her.

I don’t think Op needs to justify why she enjoys a night away with her husband.

I made a very clear distinction between the company paying an employee expenses for costs the employee had incurred and them contracting with the hotel and paying directly for a room they let the employee use as they create two different legal situations.

In terms of food, if the company is buying food for you and offering it to you (even if through a set menu at a hotel), rather than reimbursing you up to a set amount for food you buy, then yes, of course the company can dictate what they make available for you to eat. This is quite common with, for instance, catered meals during a meeting, or at a company party. It would be sensible of the company to ensure they make the range diverse so that they do not discriminate against someone on the basis religion, believe, or disability. And if they want happy staff then making sure it's something they will actually like is also sensible. But if they only want to provide vegetarian food because meat doesn't fit with the company ethos and won't provide meat, they can. Of course they can't make you eat the vegetarian food but they don't have to provide you with meat.

However, a hotel room they have paid for in advance is different. The analogy might be closer to you taking the sandwich work provided at lunch and splitting it with your wife at the end of the day. I'm not sure whether they'd be able to justify stopping you from doing that or not. An argument that you can't take food out of the room for cost control reasons because they can't tell what's needed for the lunch and what's people trying to get a free dinner too might well be considered a justifiable reason for stopping you from sharing. Harder to justify if they provide you with a pack lunch to take on your business trip and you share it with your wife (never heard of a company doing this though!).

Similarly with the hotel room - a company might book hotel rooms for single occupancy only (maybe in order to get a better rate with the hotel). If they have done that then a policy that bans you from taking a guest if you stay in the room they provide is likely justifiable. But if haven't and don't have any concerns about you, for instance, picking someone up at the bar, much harder to justify a policy banning your spouse from staying over.

What do you do with the kids? And what your own job? If you want a change of scenery would it not be better to book a night away for the 4 of you?

So when I was working away from home, I shouldn't have, in the evening after work, been visiting my friend who lived in that city but should have taken annual leave to visit her?

Don't be so bloody ridiculous, and take that stick out from up your bum

I work away a lot, and outside of the obvious client dinners, there is NO expectation that we will eat/socialise with colleagues in the evenings. It might be an open invite, some might want room service and to call
home, some go and meet people we know in the cities from before or other work contacts. There is no way people expect to be entertained by each other. It’s also absolutely fine to sit in a restaurant and eat alone while travelling. No one has to babysit you.

Nice to see you back op. Quite the palaver this has turned into 😂