Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

But they can dictate who gets to stay in a room they're paying for

I think you and the other wives were taking advantage of this for a bit too long, surely it was at the discretion of the company and it’s not something you should ever have expected.

Things have changed now the staffing has changed, it was inevitable.

I wonder if her complaint was simply about the social impact of colleagues bringing partners. And someone had exaggerated or extrapolated to say she claimed that the WAGS were there to stop her from shagging their husbands. It seems extremely unlikely she would have said this.

I would tread carefully OP. I really don’t think you have accurate or complete information.

Hi, OP -

The story as you relate it does not quite feel coherent.

I wonder how the back and forth over including the female colleague at lunch went?

I would have no problem with spouses joining in, but things do change if couples are going off for private lunches, either paired or as a group of old friends. A business trip should primarily be collegial.

If an exaggerated complaint has been submitted, that is wrong. But my first thought was that perhaps this woman was made to feel like a fifth wheel. That’s also wrong. Her two colleagues, coupled up or not, should not have left her alone.

When people’s feelings are hurt, they can react by behaving unreasonably.

I'm fairly sure my company wouldn't allow spouses or partners on a work trip unless there was some compassionate reason.

I don't think it's usual at large companies.

I hate to suggest this, but is it possible that your husband has decided he doesn't really want you "tagging along" anymore?

I really can't see how any employer can dictate how their employees spend their un-paid time to such a degree as deciding they can't socialise with their own wives when not being paid.

I think her message was offensive and your husband should complain about his reputation being impugned by her. Her mail was outrageous.

the evening should be spent with colleagues.

Really?
If I was away without my husband I often went to the theatre or the cinema rather than sit in the bar, talking shop.

Jennaprowl
I wonder if there’s more to this. Presumably you hav heard all this from your husband?
I thought this too but I think op said other wives were all talking about it too so obviously not just op’s dh.

I’m sure everyone’s occasionally gone on a work trip with a spouse, but that you ‘almost always’ went on trips that were every four to six weeks, occasional conferences and a week in April, and that so did all the other wives, is quite odd. Maybe management just think it’s odd, too, now it’s been brought to their attention, and are just saying no to this culture of trailing spouses on work trips.

Well, exactly!

The company is paying for the room because the journey home is too far to be reasonable in the working week but that doesn't give them the right to dictate how their employees spend their evenings. I am surprised that the emoyees are not pushing back on this decree.

Company haven't got a leg to stand on. They can't dictate an employees social life.

Very very childish tbh

I don’t think spouses should tag along on work trips and treat it as a mini break. It’s not fair on those who don’t have someone to bring along, and the evening should be spent with colleagues. She has some balls to complain about it.

If I was going somewhere interesting, my husband would often tag along.
He shared my room and amused himself during the day. We paid separately for everything he consumed.

I would consider it perfectly normal.

Hmm, do they get time back for the time they are expected to all socialise together? If not, this seems out of line. If I were them, I would choose not to spend any time socialising or eating together, on my own clock, rather than spend it with her.

Sounds like the company were looking for an excuse to put an end to it anyway.

They're probably using this poor woman as a scapegoat.

Nothing to do with the company where or with whom your husband decides to eat and sleep after work. Ignore.

How do you know exactly what her complaint was?

I would imagine it was more about wanting to be in 'work mode' when away at these things, and bringing spouses along is a nice perk but does make it less business-y, so I can understand the change of rules.

On balance I think it's pretty inappropriate to bring along a spouse on a work trip. I'd never bring my husband and he'd never bring me. And I think I'd feel a bit weird if my colleague's partners were there whilst I was working.

I think she is right that it was a little inappropriate.

However, complaining about it and ruining everyone's fun, seems ridiculous. And the management changing everything over this seems pathetic

I think it's a bit odd spouses going along every time. DH has tagged along on one or two of my work trips but only when I've been on my own. I can see why she might feel a bit uncomfortable about it.