Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

I think that provided it doesn't interfere with work, and they're paying their way and not jollying on the company's expenses, taking one's spouse or partner along on work trips should be positively encouraged if it's what the couple wish.

Guessing she must have felt left out and not comfortable dining on her own? Must admit I would feel the same as you, back when I used to work away I would have been delighted if my boring male colleagues brought their wives and I could have a chilled evening on my own, yes please!

Pre children I also benefitted from many holidays thanks to DP’s job - the best was a week in New York where I got to pick the hotel. He only worked about two days, we didn’t socialize with his colleagues and I don’t imagine they cared.

DP had a colleague who went to all the major tennis tournaments, he used to swap to a cheaper hotel so he could take his wife and two young kids with him.

Guess it’s very industry/company culture dependent.

When I was doing my accounting training we were told that if a spouse joins you, you fail the “exclusively” bit. If you can prove they paid for their own accommodation, food, and travel, HMRC might just let it pass, but the rule exists to stop people passing-off mini-breaks as business expenses.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned!

If it’s a minimum wage job that’s fair enough, but you’re not going to get promoted or bonuses in many managerial roles if you turn down opportunities to network with colleagues. Saying ‘but you weren’t paying me for it’ isn’t going to help!

This is what I intended to convey in my first post. You did a much better job.

One can easily imagine the interaction sounding exclusionary, particularly if the female colleague was feeling sensitive.

Great user name.

I was going to ask what is the relevance of being a woman.

If I'm at a work conference in the day and staying at a hotel I prefer to go and lie down in the dark rather than talk shop all evening. I hope they wouldn't ban that. Ultimately they can change the policy if they want to but it's weird they have told DH the reason. If the complainer found out they'd done that I think she'd have (legitimate, this time) grounds for a complaint!

I don't work in HR, but even my first take was that this would be a minefield for the Equality Act. Even the OP talks about "spouses" which immediately has an impact on people who are either single, or who do not want to telegraph their personal relationships to their colleagues.

One of the few examples I have seen of the EA being enforced is to be scrupulous that extramural invites are either staff only, or staff "+ guest".

She definitely went about this the wrong way but I also kind of get where she's coming from? I previously worked in a role where my colleagues were all older men and I would have found it bizarre if they'd shown up with their wives on a work trip. I would never dream of voicing it, but part of me would assume an element of 'keeping an eye' on their partners.

Female colleague 'Dear Boss. I wonder if we could have a moratorium on spouses accompanying work trips. It feels a bit unprofessional, especially as there were some technical widget issues I would have appreciated bringing Bob and Arvind up to speed with over dinner'.

'Hi Bob and Arvind, look sorry chaps, Samantha's thrown a spanner in the works. No more wives at work. Think she fancied her chances with you and was fed up the ladies were there. Women eh? Amiright? Speak later. The Boss.'

Never heard of partners tagging along to business trips, tbh I’d also find this weird and inappropriate especially if you’re doing couple things in the evening instead of socialising with colleagues.

I thinlk she was right to complain. Bringing spouses along is fine if everyone has a spouse. I can imagine it would make single work colleagues feel like the third wheel. They are working for the company and spouses who are not working, are pushing them out.

I think the spouses were fair cheeky to go along in the first place and turn up for dinner with the colleagues. The colleagues should socialise together at dinner.

It's a weird decision for company loyalty ...no cost to the company but a way to make trips away less lonely, less a strain on relationships. A benefit to the hotel with extra spending on food, refreshments. It's peculiar because it's controlling the evening which I imagine is unpaid. I'd only sit around with colleagues on suffrage after a day together. I'd ensure I had a friend living nearby for any future trips and wouldn't give my evenings on principle after this was withdrawn.
Loads of people have said unprofessional but unless your whole 24hrs is paid for, having a family life, where possible, seems a cost free benefit to staff.

Taking a spouse along? I agree. It would be deeply frowned upon in my industry (professional services).

Presumably they had a hotel room which was necessary for the stay. A spouse staying wouldn't incur any extra charges and might even make the room cheaper.

Obviously spouses would pay for their own food etc.

It wasnt really an offer to join by the sound of it. "We're going for lunch with our wives. But you can join us if you want" is very different to "yeah we're going for lunch here, our wives will be there too so you can meet them."

How on earth was the employer squaring this with HMRC in the first place? Expenses are supposed to be wholly, exclusively and necessarily incurred for the business. Not an excuse for the company to provide VAT-free perks for employees’ spouses! Either that, or treating them as a P11D benefit, and making sure the employees were being taxed on it.

I am rather imagining that one of the men had either previously, or since, said something which made her uncomfortable and made her think they assumed she would be after them. So she's made a very strong statement making it clear she's not that sort of woman.

If, indeed, that is what she said.

'As they left to check into hotel the female colleague asked if they were eating, but they said that they had their wives with them and the male colleague said that she was welcome to join them but she declined.'

Imagine you were the female colleague. The way the above is worded, it sounds like the first response was 'No, we're not eating as our wives are here.' And then an afterthought, 'Oh but you can join us.'

During work trips a lot of bonding takes place over shared dinner. Of course the company can't dictate that you attend or what you do in your free time. But if 90% of attendees are in this club where you socialise and have become friends, it'd be pretty hard to be in the remaining 10%. This work-but-not-work group doesn't feel particularly inclusive or conducive to good working relationships. Personally I feel the other employees should have made extra effort to include her. But maybe that's just me.

You can book your own trips together.

It is a bit sudden and odd, however I used to work with this really weird guy who every time we had a social event he would ALWAYS say 'are partners invited?' and it drove everyone nuts. Eventually one day someone cracked and said 'No! They aren't! You can survive without her for one night!' I think your situation is different as you were all welcome and making friends but I used to think it was so odd that he would want someone at our company dinner who didn't know anyone there!

It is a policy wherever I have travelled for work that no spouses are allowed. It is a tad unprofessional I suppose

Agree! It's all really weird.

Saying that I do think it's unusual that spouses were ever allowed to tag along in the first place. I used to do a lot of travelling with work and it was pretty much expected that you'd at least spend an hour sharing an evening meal with your colleague. What you did then varied, if you wanted to go to the gym or back to your room and chill (alone!) absolutely fine but if you were close friends and wanted to go for a drink or something that was fine too. So I can see why she might have been a bit annoyed if she was expecting to get to know her new colleagues and have a nice meal with them, to find out that everyone else had brought partners and she either had to eat alone or awkwardly third wheel with a married couple.

But agree that the way her complaint w as worded (or at least the way you've heard it worded) is bizarre.

Both DH & I travelled a lot for business, for different companies, mostly internationally.. In all cases the policy was that partners could only join if it was declared in advance and agreed with the manager ( and obviously did not cost more).

As pp have said, there was some expectation of working on into the evening/ team building with local colleagues or being available for conference calls etc., although we did have time for sight seeing, dinners out etc. There was a balance.

That was the absolute norm in my industry

I find the reasoning and the complaint odd, but I don’t think the policy is unusual

Well, I suppose senior management feels you can continue to be a ‘happy community’ in your own time, outside of work trips?