Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

I don't think it really matters whether or not it's normal practice to take one's spouse on a business trip - it wouldn't be normal where I work, but that doesn't really matter. I don't think the question is 'Is it unreasonable for a company to have a policy of allowing spouses on work trips?' but rather 'Is it unreasonable for a woman to complain that the presence of a colleague's partner is some sort of deliberate dig at her?'

Which it isn't. She's mad.

I did that once or twice with my DH, I just went off sight seeing in the day and met up again for dinner so really didn't interfere with the working day at all and obviously I paid for all of my expenses. But it was more often me away for work and my hours were so unsocial often working very late nights made a spouse coming not worth while and it was usually B&Bs rather than proper hotels.

I predict that you’ve never worked in professional roles.

Don't give up the day job, Mystic Meg 😂

I worked in an entertainment-heavy industry. Nights out and trips away were non-stop, generally seething with extra-marital activity. One consequence of that was that couples formed, so many of us were often with our partners albeit on separate invitations.

Smaller firms did include non-industry partners in their own events and it always made for a really nice family atmosphere. I don't care if it's seen as unfashionable these days; it's good for loyalty and morale.

Much less their spouses, to be honest. A Christmas party once a year is enough.

That is actually quite restrictive. Not everyone is into drinking and happy to spend their time in a bar. We have to accept that these days we have a mixed work force.

This is probably just a generational difference. The idea of going on a work trip that involves dinner and hotel with couples feels straight out of Mad Men to me.

Sorry she burst all of your bubbles. I don’t think she was outrageously wrong or anything, she should have been told in advance you can take plus ones (which I honestly don’t understand how, I’ve worked in
hotels and if a double was booked for 1 adult,
it was strictly for 1 adult).

How strange. I used to go and stay in the hotel with DH when he stayed away as he went to some interesting cities, it was never an issue.

If DH went away with her again I'd hope that he wouldn't have dinner with her

Agree. I wouldn't want to spend the evening talking shop with random colleagues. Maybe all eat together as a group but after that - nope. I'm not sitting in a bar for hours with Jason Cringe from marketing, or Billy Big Balls Director playing the bountiful host.

I predict that you’ve never worked in professional roles. My company don’t know anything about my spouse and don’t know anything about other people’s spouses either. It’s like something from the Victorian era thinking that a spouse is a part of your at work persona, isn’t it? Happily I am judged for my talents and skills, and mine alone.

When away with colleagues we finish up early evening, agree to meet in the bar at 7:30-8-ish to arrange dinner plans then we have a few hours to do what we want with before an evening of team bonding. No we’re not paid for those hours but it’s all part of the wider job.

I know of many spouses who have gone on work trips, it doesn't cost the company anything and it means their employees are happy. I don't understand why on Earth this woman has complained.

I can't imagine she's going to be very popular with her new colleagues, how to make friends and influence people - not.

I can't stand half my colleagues and would no way be eating with them after work had finished

This! I’d find it really odd for this to happen on a work trip, but mine would normally include planned dinners in the evening.

It’s very old fashioned. Most women have their own careers and are not available for multiple trips away to accompany their spouse. The other issue, which I believe can be a bit of an issue in countries with only a fortnight leave pa, is that people are more inclined to travel unnecessarily for work and then spin the trip out.

I have bought my mum on a work trip, my husband has come on some trips especially if it is somewhere nice, NY, Rome, Athens. She/He looks after himself while I am busy we spend time together when off the clock!
She was being ridiculous.

Yes that’ll be it. Sheesh! What a misogynistic comment on a women’s social media board.

I'm petty AF so I'd book my own hotel room next time and still come along. Your husband's employer can't stop you from staying at the same hotel or him from spending time with you after work.

How bizarre of her to say this? Why would her colleagues' spouses be secretly employed to ensure she wasn't behaving unprofessionally? Why would they know, they don't work with her? They're not sharing a room with her?

Plus the fact nobody went for dinner with her so how could they be spying on her professionalism?

How odd... The company shouldn't have banned spouses on her say so.

Just assured her her accusation was unfounded and that nobody did anything wrong.

And earmarked her as an absolute CF that needs managing out asap.

I am also an academic. DH and I have tagged along on each other’s travels lots. But we take the opportunity to spend most of our time with others. I have met many interesting people this way.

(During a long conference we will sneak away once or twice)

I think it's relevant that this is a male-dominated industry. Imagine that you are the only woman on the trip who isn't a WAG. Possibly that could feel quite undermining, whereas being the only woman on the trip probably wouldn't. It would reinforce the old-fashioned and gendered nature of that industry.

Isn’t it considerably more likely to be senior management saying ‘So Dave, Bob and Martin”s wives tag along on every single trip like it’s a regular element of their social lives? Bit much, when you think about it. Let’s just say that won’t be happening any more.’

Either they back the complaint or they do not. If the complaint has merit, it's not for the company to apologise for the resulting change in policy.

Because this is AIBU and also because this thread seems to have stayed unreasonably free of a trans debate, I'd like to point out all the business that rushed to "apologise" to their staff or customers after the Supreme Court ruling last year.

Spouses tagging along to the all male events seems like it created a bit of a boys club, the men and their 'wives'.

It's entirely normal, and common, in academia for partners to tag along to conferences etc. We've had some amazing holidays as a result of doing this, all at a reduced cost due to flights and hotel (or part hotel) being covered. I see no issue whatsoever as long as any costs claimed are genuinely for the person who's travelling for work.

Hang on OP, you're saying that this woman made a complaint (being concerned that the OP and the other wife tagged along as a pre-emptive 'response' to her being inappropriate), and the company decided to change their policy as a result of this complaint and be all apologetic about it to the men involved?

If right – what a shitty thing to do to this woman!

Either they back the complaint or they do not. If the complaint has merit, it's not for the company to apologise for the resulting change in policy. I'm not even sure they should be supplying the reason, given it has a real capacity for this woman to now be ostracised from her colleagues.

It does make me wonder whether the company has fibbed about the contents of the complaint, and/or it was an opportunity for them to change policy for other unrelated reasons.

A final point – I voted YABU, but mainly because I can see how the existing approach is not good for collegiality. I can imagine that a new colleague might feel uncomfortable joining one couple for dinner; plus it sounds like the OP was not going to change their plans either. Being the third wheel at some couple's dinner is quite a different occasion from dinner with a number of work colleagues.