Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

His work really cannot dictate this. He’s only being paid for this working hours, and they can’t control who visits him for dinner. They can maybe say who gets to stay overnight in the hotel but then they’d need to also make the rule a blanket policy - so no single staff can meet someone in a bar and take them back to their room.

If they’re saying that he cannot have dinner with someone coming to visit then he needs to be paid for that time. They need to pay for every hour he is in that hotel, not just working hours, since they’re dictating how he can spend that time.

I thought you were going to say she felt left out which would be understandable. The reason for the complaint is a bit odd. But regardless it was a good perk while it lasted…. and now it’s gone. It’s not unfair to you, you don’t work for the company, you were never entitled to it. Of course an employer will prioritise the morale of an employee over people’s wives. It will promote inclusion within the team, give it a few trips and you won’t be missed, they will have their own little friendship group and socialise more closely with each other.

It depends on company culture. DH previous company encouraged spouses to join as it was seen as a perk of the company. I was able to travel to countries I otherwise would not have been able to go to and stay in beatiful hotels. It was great!

I occasionally travel with him now if he’s going to NYC and there’s a broadway show I want to see. But mostly I stay with the children and DH keeps his travel to just one night away from the children, which is impressive when it means a flight to NYC, Boston or LA.

I have worked places where a guest can stay with you on business trips if there is no incremental cost. This was especially appreciated when work trips straddled weekends or there was an option to add a day of annual leave onto the end of a business trip and travel back a day later.

However, there has always been an understanding that the (non employee) guest would do their own thing at weekday breakfast and dinner so that the employees can network together.

I did hear at one old workplace that someone had taken along a partner who had joined for breakfast and dinner and this was stopped by the senior colleague on the team as it had made the other employees uncomfortable. The implication was that they had been made to feel as if they were encroaching on a personal trip - rather than the reality that the partner was tagging along on a work trip.

I think your husband and his colleague could have avoided this scenario if they had been more self aware. It is normal on a business trip when dinner is being reimbursed by work to dine with colleagues.

I think the issue is there are different types of work trip - team bonding events, or conferences where there are specific evening requirements to mix with colleagues then that would be weird to have spouses.

Working away where it’s simply about being in a different location for working hours then why would it be odd for spouses to be there.

Going up to a hotel room and spending the evening with your spouse is no different from going home to your house and spending the evening with your spouse.

Yes, you might occasionally choose to have a drink or a meal with colleagues when away from home if you are all stranded away from home and don’t want to eat alone.

But you might have old friends in town and choose to go out with them. You might prefer to eat alone and zoom with your family all night in your room.

The complaint itself is very bizarre. The female colleague felt that the only reason the spouses were there was because they thought she was some sort of threat to their marriage.

Unless something has been lost in translation via HR, I would tell your husband OP to be very careful around this new colleague.

We have only the two early posts from OP and they do not hang together very well IMO.
Some of us have suggested that the episode may have been more nuanced.

As a happily married woman in STEM who has been the unwarranted object of suspicion, as many of us were in the bad old days, I find your last sentence to be a large and offensive leap of illogic.

This wasn't a bonding experience it was work, you may be with people you know and might have dinner with, you might be with people you don't know or people you would prefer not to have dinner with, like the well known letch of the group. There is no compulsion to socialise with colleagues after work. And she was invited to join one couple and declined, no one has to baby sit her. If it was a man saying it wasn't fair that the women brought their husbands no one would sympathise.

These things are nice while it lasts but the first sign of trouble and it’s shut down. A shame but everyone’s still in a job and that’s the main thing!

Who sent the email saying spouses are banned from work trips? Who made the decision? (Since the directors are having to apologise for it, presumably wasn't them?)

All it needed was for whoever it was that the female employee complained to to explain to her that's how it's always been done at this company and it isn't wives supervising their husbands because there's now a female colleague.

To uphold her complaint is to agree with the assertion that the male employees are predatory and can't be trusted to work away without their wives keeping them from straying. Which is pretty offensive. It's almost like the female employee was annoyed that she wasn't able to seduce a married colleague on the business trip (perhaps that's what she's used to in previous jobs).

Your DH and his colleagues should put in a complaint that staying away from home is stressful and puts pressure on relationships. that it is unreasonable that their colleagues paranoia should result in a policy that has negative impacts on their social and emotional wellbeing.

I can see both sides, because I would feel so awkward with my colleagues bringing their spouses, and me stuck on my own. No one wants to be the third wheel, and she probably felt left out.

I wonder what would be the situation were a partner use a wheelchair, and found themselves excluded on that basis ?

Seems I've led a pretty wild life compared to some ....

Well its hardly likely that any of the staff that did this will now want to spend any time socialising with her outside of pure work necessity on these trips after shes complained.

I certainly would be giving her a wide berth & wouldnt be spending any time with her outside of mandatory work reasons - no invites for having dinner together whilst staying at the hotel etc. Seems she has shot herself right through the foot with this one.

Well, quite.

My DP and I work at the same place and are sometimes at work events together for that reason... god knows how she'd copy with that.

I thought this.

I think the reason for her complaint - about the being inappropriate- was nonsensical , but the actual outcome seems reasonable.

Having spouses on work trips would change the culture in a way that I would consider negative. It means it’s not on a business footing/ promoting bonding between employees/ team members.

For this single colleague (or who didn’t have a partner with her) it means she only gets to go along to dinners as a sort of third/ extra wheel, whereas without spouses all colleagues are on an equal and professional footing.

Bringing spouses is so odd, especially as it's usually just about cheapness. 2 weeks in St Tropez, sure, I could understand asking if your spouse could come. Travelodge in Birmingham is just so your spouse can have a change of scene and you can expense your half of an evening meal! Pay for your own weekend away FFS. My SIL brings her mum to tag along in the hotel purely because 'its a free night away'. So cringe and unprofessional.

I’ve often gone away with my husband. He’s meticulously regarding keeping everything separate and Ive never taken Advantage of this.
granted, my husband is in a very senior position in the company, but I’ve always been welcomed on Every trip by both his boss and all the rest of the staff.

100%

Its about her response - I mean how old is she can’t she dine alone an accept the invite ffs

She probably fancied one of the blokes and the wife was cramping her style or she's just used to being the centre of attention when on trips with male colleagues. Why would she think the men were after her and the wives came along so nothing could happen? And if someone's wife is paranoid and doesn't trust their husband how does that affect you anyway?

Screams personality disorder to me - I can’t have company so I will make it about me and manipulate this…

Advise your DH to be very cautious around her as this is a massive red flag

My first thought, too 😄

Does none of the wives work? How are you all free to go on free trips every 4-6 weeks?

I think it is a bit othering to her to have older, male colleagues on work trips bringing their wives along and having clearly made arrangements in advance without including her (you say you'd already booked somewhere for dinner for the 4 of you). Its pretty weird to go along on a work trip with your husband if there are other colleagues on the same trip and some of those (i.e. the younger female colleague) are excluded from plans.

Well! She's made herself popular, hasn't she?