Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

Well if you’ve read the OP’s updates the key issue seems to have moved beyond the plus one issue and into a bigger potential ‘harassment’ complaint with the two men involved being asked to think about anything they might have said/done which could be interpreted as inappropriate.

That isn’t the key issue to me, the key one is how entrenched plus ones seem to be in a company they don’t work for.

From a personal marriage level up to individuals to decide how their marriage works best for both of them. But I think either one says the other “needs” them for a couple of nights isn’t healthy.

Okay so what is the length of time working away when a spousal visit becomes reasonable?

That’s a “secondment” not a business trip. It’s not comparable to a 1-2 day audit.

Depends. What if you or your husband were seconded to New York or Tokyo for three months? Would you still think it inappropriate to join them for a period of time?

I know that but so what?!

This company allowed this or overlooked it, and now they’ve changed that policy.

Thats the nature of employment.

I’ve had my pension changed from defined benefit, my place of work changed, my working from home days changed while being reminded that it’s a benefit that can be withdrawn (and will be I expect company wide fairly soon) etc etc

And I’m soon to be replaced by a robot.

That unfortunately is life.

They were all together on Friday but over the weekend she has made a complaint suggesting that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate

There is something really odd about this statement.
Making the complaint that the wives supposedly suspect her of being unprofessional and inappropriate and then demanding that the company make sure there are no witnesses around to watch her

Maybe someone else can explain it better.

I suspect an accusation that one of her male colleagues are unprofessional or inappropriate to her on one of these work trips is on the cards and would be having a 24 /36/48hour recordings of their time away just incase she does accuse one of them and they can refer back

This.

I wouldn't dream of taking a spouse on a business trip, and my co would be very unimpressed. Half the purpose of going is to build relationships with customers, suppliers or colleagues from other sites, surely.

That's your life though. As you've seen, this differs quite widely across companies and sectors.

Not the point at all though is it. I could be give n a bottle of wine by a supplier, costs the company nothing but I’m not allowed to take it because of the very strict zero tolerance conflicts of interests policy.

Bringing spouses on work trips can raise potential HR issues. Similar to a conflicts of interest policy, up to a company to decide what approach to adopt.

The company I work for has close to zero perks. It is slightly grating sometimes but that’s life. It’s a job at the end of the day.

She wasn’t offered to go for dinner with colleagues. One colleague asks her if she’d like to join him & his wife who isn’t a colleague for dinner.

And that’s in the broader context of all these plus 1s all going away with each other on work trips that they all know each other. So much so that the OP think her presence contributes to a company she doesn’t work for. And that’s where potential HR issue arise, where people not getting on could be a potential HR issue.

Oh no, can't have that. How dare someone get a free "good thing".

and this woman was offered this

Dd goes away semi regularly with work. The idea that she spends every evening with her work colleagues is abhorrent to her. (she actually gets along with these people) Sometimes I join her on a trip, sometimes a friend will go along with her. Most of the time she orders room service, chats with friends, scrolls on her phone or watches tv on her lap top

Dd rarely drinks and will go out with the group occasionally but she says it gets boring going out with a bunch of drunk people. The idea that she would have to spend every evening with these people would have her saying no to the work. She is an independent contractor so if the company would rather place a contractor who will get drunk with the other contractors over the work produced then that is their prerogative

If the company are going to be this uptight about who people are seated with at dinner, what happens when another table joins them.

On one of her nights away that dd did go to dinner with colleagues they were discussing their independent experience working with a certain company based in the south east and the MDs expectations (whilst they were hundreds of miles away from where this company was) and the next table turned around and told them their stories
They got into an hilarious discussion about the most outlandish expectation this MD had and how much more work they were expected to do for no extra cost

Prove it wrong.

I think that point has been done to death on this thread. The OP’s “given us a nice lifestyle” suggest she saw it as a good thing.

It’s not even a perk - it costs the employer sweet fuck all.

I’ve seen a handful of those comments at most of this thread. I’ve also seen several of the smug oh but unlike a significant number of people on MNs I actually love my husband.

And these are short trips and the Op isn’t there “sometimes”, she’s there a significant % of the time if not every time pre Covid.

And people saying things like my presence contributes positively to my husband’s welfare as an employee, and he needs me at the end of the day. Fair enough for trips of significant length. For short trips it doesn’t apply. Or if it does there is an unhealthy level of co dependency that you can’t function away from your spouse for a night or two so much so that you need them everytime you go away.

I don’t think it’s unfair to the Op or anyone else to point out that the OP’s language suggests that she & many others seemed v entrenched in a company they don’t work for & why that might be problematic.

Most companies change perks all the time without consultation with employees, it’s employment not a democracy. It may not even have been an official perk, rather something that was overlooked.

I agree husband should follow up to protect his reputation and ensure that the complaint is bottomed out.

Actually it's very likely to be wrong considering AI hallucinates stuff all the time. I'd be much more inclined to believe a poster who seems to know their stuff.

Oh generally I'd agree, However 812 posts in, no one else thought of it. Which doesn't make it wrong.

I just think when you go away with work, there's an expectation that in the evening you eat with colleagues. Perhaps this is different in other industries but both DH and I are expected to do this. It would be extremely weird and antisocial to do something else, as lame as it might be it's seen as an opportunity to socialise/bond with colleagues (not colleagues + spouses).

I think she is used to this because that will be the norm at most companies so she was surprised their spouses were present. Of course it would be awkward as hell to tag along as a single female with two older male colleagues and their wives so no wonder she felt put out.

I wish MN would bring in a policy of no long AI posts.

No - people are pushing back against the ‘why would the OP even want to go/why would any normal bloke want his wife there sometimes’ comments. And the ‘I personally want to be away from my spouse regularly/ look forward to working away for this reason’ comments which contain a significantly snide undertone that workers who don’t feel the same have been expressly stated to be ‘weird’.

They aren’t and the reasons for OP and her DH enjoying this previous perk shouldn’t need to be justified to all the superior posters who are so professional and so independent that they, themselves, don’t want their partners with them on these trips.

It was a perk OP/DH enjoyed and until this individual employee arrived it was accepted practice. It’s a shame that it’s been vetoed in response to one single complaint and without consultation and OP is NBU to feel hacked off and her DH is not U to feel offended on a personal and professional level for the implied impropriety towards this new member of staff. Their professional integrity is being questioned. Whilst the spousal visits may never be on the table again going foreward, I would personally, if I were her DH and the other male employee, take this up and push back as it is almost misandrist sexism being displayed by the female staff member and then condoned by the company.

Posted without comment (since I bet it gets some 😀

My only comment is that it's really lazy posting AI output.

Posted without comment (since I bet it gets some 😀

⚖️ Key legal angle: “Work-related” ≠ only at work
Under UK law, work events, business trips, hotels, and meals connected to work are usually still treated as an extension of the workplace.
So even though this happened in the evening, it can still fall within employer responsibility.
🚩 Why the complaint raised legal risk

1. Potential sex discrimination / exclusion

• She was excluded from informal networking/socialising
• Male colleagues had built-in social support (their wives) while she was alone
• This created a different experience based on gender

• Indirect discrimination (a workplace practice disadvantaging one group)

1. “Boys’ club” perception risk

• A suggestion that men behave differently around women
• Reinforcing a gendered environment
• Making the female colleague feel:
• judged
• unwelcome
• or singled out

1. Harassment threshold is low

• uncomfortable
• undermined
• or that her professionalism was questioned

1. Unequal access to opportunities

• informal discussions
• networking
• visibility with senior staff

• some employees may feel less able to participate freely
• especially newer or younger staff

• unequal access to career-related interactions

1. Inconsistent / unwritten practices

• There was no clear policy
• The “culture” wasn’t formally communicated
• New joiners weren’t prepared for it

• Did not agree with the complaint fully
• BUT recognised the legal risk if it escalated

• introduced a blanket rule (no spouses)
• apologised informally
• tried to remove future ambiguity

• What you describe sounds like a longstanding, friendly norm
• No evidence of bad intent
• Others clearly enjoyed it

• Perception + imbalance + lack of clarity = risk

People have turned this thread into I love my husband & it doesn’t seem you do.

Whereas what’s actually happened in this company is several plus ones have all built a social life around the company. So much so that the OP describes it as a nice lifestyle that she feels contributes positively to the company, a company she doesn’t work for.
Thats potentially difficult for new joiners.

Going out as group on a work trip raises potential issues, new joiners can go to HR with claims of bullying/exclusion. It’s not necessarily akin go a group going out on a Saturday night which is without any doubt personal time.

I look forward to coming home to my husband & kids and I enjoy the sense of accomplishment that work gives me, I have built a social life with my own colleagues. It doesn’t mean I’m some sort of corporate slave or that I put the company above all else.

And it’s perfectly possible to have a great marriage & enjoy a night away alone. It’s doesn’t mean you hate your husband or that your marriage is somehow less than.

The work trips in question are normally a night or two, or sometimes a week.

I think most people can be away from their spouse for a night or two. If you can’t I wouldn’t see that as a good thing. That’s not the reason the OP gave in any case.