Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

She didn't get invited to dinner with them, one colleague invited her out with him and his wife. Perhaps she doesn't like third wheeling with a couple she only knows one of.

so how would you explain the collegue complaining about the wives being with their dh's ?

I sincerely doubt that all of this is true. I'm not suggesting that OP is lying or misrepresenting what's happened. I think there has been some smoke and mirrors along the way. Were it all to be factual, I would avoid the complainant out of business hours and hell would freeze over before work would dictate to me what I must do in my free time. What I would say is that the whole business reflects terribly on the company. To uphold the complaint, but slag off the complainant to those affected is the worst of all worlds.

I don't have strong feelings either way about people's families joining them when they are staying in hotels for work: certainly as long as work events and paid work hours are done for the day it doesn't strike me as horrendously unprofessional for people to spend their free time with family members rather than other colleagues, but I don't think it is something I would expect to be the norm. It clearly was the norm at this company though, for many years. You could say it is an example of a family friendly policy, where a business recognises that they don't own their employees and that where work demands impinge on family life it is a really nice thing to do what they can to limit that.

What does strike me as unprofessional is the communication about it. The colleague said to have complained is going to be deeply unpopular and probably find she is far more excluded on these trips than ever before. Even if the way the complaint was raised and policy changed is exactly as OP has been told, people didn't need to know that.

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i may have worded it wrong but i was trying to ask if the collegue was not intrested in the male collegues for anything other than just work talk then why complain about the wives to begin with ?

Wow 🤣🤣🤣

Surely she should have been told about the culture of the company. I am really gobsmacked. Two other wives have texted me this morning and they feel the same. We had a really nice lifestyle there which is bound to have created a nice work environment.

You are gobsmacked? What do you mean by you had a really nice lifestyle, it is not your job. It sounds batshit crazy tbh, and very unprofessional. Do you not work yourself?

Well there's nothing stopping you going. Just pay for a room.

She's shot herself in the foot really. People are going to be swerving her in case she makes another complaint.

Case in point. Do you want to sleep with everything male you eat with? I certainly don't!

then why complain about the wives if she had no intentions etc

You use colleagues in the pleural? So you think she’s interested in multiple men or just not that fussy? My God, she probably isn’t single and if she was, would she really pick an aging colleague to crack on to? Are they all like George Clooney or something?

No, but if it was booked for one adult, one adult was expected in. One name down, one person in. This is also for fire safety purposes, if something happen how are they to know how many people are in if their names aren’t anywhere?

As far as I know it’s still practice but I haven’t worked in every hotel ever. Workers might ignore it because of being so poorly paid often it’s not worth the aggravation but if it’s a one person booking and two are checking in you’re meant to question it.

But what if these men didn’t want to go to dinner with her anyway.

What if they were both going back to their own rooms to get room service and have video call with their families.

Maybe they had booked in evening massages in private. Maybe they were going to go play Pokemon go on a walk 🤷🏻‍♀️😅 or members of one of those 24/7 multiple location gyms.

What makes anyone think that their colleagues must want to eat dinner with them if only it weren’t for their damned partners. Someone who thinks highly of themselves.

Someone who has now ruined all the colleagues perks because they didn’t get what they wanted and threw a tantrum over it basically.

excatly

@Sweetmarzipan my view may not be popular on this one but whilst it may seem that your husband's female colleague being a bit paranoid or reacting OTT, it could be that your husband's female colleague knows something you don't (I hope it's not this) or something has happened to lead her to be suspicious and it may not be suspicions about you/their wives but of men in the company). It's going to be difficult to meet her again but I recommend you try to be friendly (or at least approachable) if you do meet her again to get to know her better and see if you can gently coax her into revealing what events led to her feeling suspicious. And I would be tempted to ask my husband some more questions if I experienced this

The real misogynist here is the woman suggesting the only reason wives might want to travel somewhere new with their DH/ meet up with other wives or his colleagues socially/ after hours is because they are scared their husband will be chasing the new female colleague.

Wives are women too ...

One person's "happy community" is another person's unfriendly and unwelcoming clique.

She clearly was excluded if her colleagues had all made plans ahead of time to have dinner without her. Presumably she didn't join because she knew she wouldn't have been welcome?

I doubt whatever her complaint was has been accurately represented in the retelling.

WTF happened to "No is a complete answer ?"

Because it’s really not nice being on your own and going out for a meal with a couple, unless you know both extremely well?

Just read it, thanks. It says what we've all assumed and what OP described - no tax involvement if spouse covers own costs and all is meticulously itemised.

???? That’s what colleagues do? Can you not spend time in male company without thinking about sex?

This is a reasonable adjustment not a perk.

but if she had no designs on the collegues then why didnt she go out for dinner with them ?

I mean we have very little to go on from the OP but it does sound surprising that a woman in a male field, who appears to be doing as well as men 20 years older than her, actually said 'their wives have just tagged along because they think I want to shag their husbands'. Who knows, but it doesn't sound like a successful 30 woman something at work type of thing to say! To me it sounds more like something that the company boss who's handling this quite badly might say.

All staff must hold am/pm trust circles to share their hopes and fears for each day, and how they can continue to help the company progress as one!