Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

No colleague has a right to their colleague's company in the evening on a work trip nor to dictate to their colleague how they might spend their evening on a work trip. Incredible.

Oh, you as well WTF. Have you all misread the comment in your eagerness to have a go at PPs??

if she had no designs on the colleagues then why didn't she go out for dinner with them ?

Well? If she merely wanted company over dinner, why didn't she?

That's pathetic. Meeting people you don't yet know is ...how you meet people.

By adulthood most of us are capable of going to a single meal in a group of three. It's toddler playdates where you need to be aware of it being a bad number.

Maybe if it was two weeks in the Maldives, but it was a meal in a hotel restaurant - presumably one she could have escaped up to her room in if it really all got too socially overwhelming.

"she has made a complaint suggesting that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate."

@Sweetmarzipan I hope that this complaint absolutely sinks this woman's career! What a nasty thing to do!!

Next time they are away, your DH and his male colleagues need to make sure that they do NOT invite her to any meals or have any time alone with her, as she seems the time that would make a false claim. Next time if she asks about dinner, just say "as we don't want to be accused of being unprofessional or inappropriate, it is best that you make your own arrangements to eat".

According to OP non of the wives even met her.

OP and husband went on their own to a pub dinner.

Female colleague declined dinner invite from the the o the guy so presumably she didn’t meet his wife either!

Everyone was sent a standard email but husband and male colleague were spoken to and given the reason with apologies but male colleague was told that these company now had to tread carefully.

She sounds as though she could be a bit troublesome.
She was offered to join one of her colleagues and his wife for dinner but refused so it's not as though she wasn't being included.

I do however find it odd that she complained. TBF based on her behaviour after only being in the company for a few months and it not really being any of her business if I were your DH I'd be civil during working hours, but I couldn't have anything to do with her outside of company working hours.

The company would need evidence for this? or can it just be a "feeling"

ill admit i missed that, but then did the female collegue know that was the reason or did she guess ?

Op said ‘that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate’ which implies the wives made her uncomfortable (Tbf she’s probably right given the comments on here)

But it wasn’t as though all the male colleagues went out together (with their spouses) without her. Everyone was simply doing their own thing. The OP didn’t even see the female colleague, she and her DH spent their evening together alone.

One of the male colleagues realizing she had no plans kindly invited her to join him and his wife.

If that had been me, I would have not wanted to have dinner with a couple who were expecting to be alone, but I would have appreciated the gesture.

I then would have realized that these work trips are daytime only and evenings are up to each employee to do as they wish.

Meaning that next trip I might invite a friend or a boyfriend, or plan to enjoy a spa, or a takeaway and Netflix night.

I can't believe so many people have just swallowed the whole "she complained that we probably thought she wanted to behave inappropriately with our husbands" crap as it is clearly absolute bullshit and likely the product of some misogynistic catty conversation between the men and the directors they're presumably quite pally with to warrant the personal phone calls to justify implementing a policy.

If you're new to a company and there's an established culture of employees using business trips as a vehicle to facilitate their partners' social lives you are excluded from that, whether explicitly or implied. Inclusivity is about ensuring your workforce are not hindered and thus able to be part of the team, not your employees' partners.

Perhaps some trips may be more appropriate for bringing partners, I don't know. I've never felt the need to have my husband accompany me to work. I also don't feel pressured to spend my entire evening with colleagues if I don't want to but that is different again from being excluded.

It's not usual where I work to take spouses on work trips but the evenings would be seen as your own time outside of organised events.

Cripes, you and @Jk987 seem really desperate to hang onto the wrong end of the stick!

"Why didn't she go for dinner with the colleague who invited her?" does not imply anything at all about wanting sex. In any language

FWIW, I also find it strange that a woman who's doing so well in a male-dominated career is being painted as incapable of having dinner with a married couple. She wanted to dine with two men she doesn't know well, she can't be scared of one man and a woman she doesn't know well.

They have made a change to the rules. One would hope that professionals (presumably) shouldn’t need to be told and monitored but It sounds like it is the wives who are angry about it. Perhaps the firm is trying to adjust the company culture

You are still doing it.

Repeatedly trying to solicit the reasoning behind a clear "no" is abusive and controlling. In any relationship.

This was pretty much the very first thing I learned via MN - and have been eternally grateful ever since.

How can your husband’s company enforce this? Presumably once client dinners are done etc everyone can do whatever they want to do. Surely the company cannot mandate for anyone to spend the company together with the rest of the colleagues? What if someone wanted to go to the gym or get a massage or eat by themselves in their room? I’d expect my husband to push back on this or consider ACAS.

thats the other question is why would she even be thinking that that was the reason the wives were with them ? unless theres missing context that would sugesst other behaviours etc

What am I reading? The amount of people who think employers own them is shocking.

Is the employee doing less work because their wives is there? Is the wife being there costing the employer extra? If no to both then it is simply none of the employers business. Unless they are paying loads of overtime, they do not own your hours outside of what's contracted. It's none of their business how you spend those hours. The fact they think you should be using them to "bond" is bonkers.

What is the point?

She didn't spend the evening with the men and their partners
she complained the men had their wives with them so she didn't act inappropriately

ok that i can agree with

She brought it up with management who decided to stop it happening. They could have let it continue but they didn’t.

And now the wives are moaning about it - direct your issue to management.

Also, given that presumably there isn’t any evidence that she has nefarious intentions (although of course it wouldn’t matter because the men don’t have to go along with it), why is her age and sex relevant? Perhaps she felt it was uncomfortable and unprofessional, she may have come from a company culture where people would sit together and eat when away

Exactly.

Even taking work out of the equation, I’d be happy to go for a meal with any individual I know from my hobby group. I wouldn’t be happy going for a meal with just one of them and their spouse who I had never met.

its me im not the brightest spark in the tool box

this was partly what i was trying to say

i may have worded it wrong but i was trying to ask if the collegue was not intrested in the male collegues for anything other than just work talk then why complain about the wives to begin with ?

Thankfully my dh was the boss until he retired so it was up to him, it’s a bit of a perk, makes travel much more attractive in a job. My ex had the same arrangement and I travelled extensively (paying for my own airfare) on the back of his job. It’s so sad people can’t see the bigger picture

I don't think you quite got my meaning.

Once again.

"No" is a complete answer. Especially when it comes to navigating personal and professional relationships and boundaries.

Let me guess ? I'm the weirdo ?