Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

It sounds like everyone had spouses and went out for meals with them apart from one person who hasn't got a spouse. I would say the problem is not people bringing spouses with them, it's the fact that you are all a group but all so self centre that you would spilt up and leave one person alone. If you weren't so self-centred and rude, and had thought for a minute that X hadn't got a spouse with them, so you needed to make sure that everyone did something together with all of the colleagues including X and all the spouses, your bosses would probably have been fine with all the spouses still being about for free time.

Now that really would be an HR nightmare!

Ridiculous. After a day of conferences and meetings the last thing I want to do is spend even MORE time with my co-workers (with very few exceptions) I am already away from my home and family, you cant dictate how I spend my pff time. Unless the trip was specifically set up to have working meals/events at night. In which case I would not bring my spouse or course. Your lack of partner doesn't mean I have to entertain you at dinner.

No I didn't mean that.

Carry on.

The wives were not socialising together.
Older man was planning on eating with his wife.
Op was going for pub meal with her husband.
Female colleague could have planned to have dinner with her partner, meet a friend from uni, watch a show, go shopping, go to gym, have a bath and room service. Anything.
They didn’t need to mention spouses. Older colleague could have said I’m going for a curry, he’s going to pub have a nice evening Jane see you at 9am tomorrow at the front entrance and she couldn’t have complained at all.

That’s a leap not everyone want to shag s colleague and who says she was hot or have you just made that up

I think some people are confusing the trip with a kind of office bonding/retreat.

In those situations, with organised evening activities it might be different.

But otherwise it is no different to going home for the evening. What if OP had lived close to the destination and her DH had not needed the hotel? New employee would have vetoed her DH returning home because she was on a trip and wanted the DH to dine with, but not his inconvenient wife?

Do we know this for sure? I’m inclined to take it with a boulder of salt, it could be just malicious gossip because they can’t possibly conceive a world where a woman would simply complain about an unprofessional situation.

The reason I find it unprofessional is because not everyone was aware of this +1 option.

Oh my annual work conferences were definitely a glitzy jolly. Evenings always consisted of a paid for meal in Mayfair by the company.

No one brought their spouses or partners along. Granted the industry I previously worked in is probably a lot different to the OP’s.

"and their little wives"

And so it continues...

It's interesting how annoyed all the wives are but no mention that the husbands, the actual employees, are even remotely bothered.

You mean the employees whose spouses paid for themselves would be discriminating against employees whose spouses didn't pay to bring their children?

Interesting.

The evening is his own time there not works time they can eat with who they want

tbh if u were your DH I’d be giving her a wide berth she jumped straight in with the accusations type of person who would listen into private conversations out of works time take little snippets out of context then report them

I don’t know why people are surprised about spouses going

your not in company time at night is your own you can do what you want with who you want

tbh I’d get Dh to ask what the problem with because he’s not obligated to socialise and eat with other colleagues in his own time

I read that as “trading spouses” that would be a much more interesting thread 😂

But in the OPs most recent trip the male colleagues were not all socializing together - they were both spending the night separately with their own spouses - it was EXACTLY like going home after work to their partners. Just in a different location.

I’ve a female friend who enjoys the theatre and always books a west end show if she has a work meeting necessitating a hotel in London. She certainly doesn’t socialise with her boss who also attends.
Unless it’s a specific work evening event your evening is your free time to do as you please.

Yes, but I get the impression from the OP that the week in April they regularly did was exactly that - regular working day that had to be done away from the main office.

Those types of work trips don’t need to have evening commitments.

It is their own time. They're getting their normal pay and subsistence, it's not a glitzy jolly.

Tell me about it. I travel alone and was somewhat amused by the comments upthread. I've never seen my room cost go down when I change the selector from two guests to one!

Yes, I do get extra pillows and towels. I'm paying, goddammit!

I think being sent to work away at a satellite office is a completely different scenario to a group of colleagues attending a work trip/conference who want to bring their spouses along for a hotel stay.

But the older, male colleagues are socialising and their wives are besties because they get to tag along. It isn't a bonding experience, except it actually is isn't it? So the person who doesn't have a partner with them, who is a different sex and age to the others, has been left out of the pre-planning, with a last minute invitation to join them if she wanted to by one of her colleagues (and the OP doesn't sound like she was too keen on this happening, her husband didn't extend an invitation either). A nice little club for the working men and their little wives who tag along on a jolly.

Your company sends you to work in a satellite office for three days, 200 miles away from home.

You will be doing your regular 9-5 work schedule but as you will be 200 miles from home at the company’s request they pay for a hotel for you overnight.

It can’t me a ‘work day out’ because the commute is too far.

If you bring along your spouse, it’s no extra expense for the company, and for you it’s like going home to your spouse at the end of the day, instead you are going back to a hotel room.

I’m in a couple of minds about this. People who go away for work quite often tend to resent it once the novelty wears off. It’s a bit like after work drinks - the senior people are often keen to get away a bit earlier but feel obliged to stay. So letting people bring spouses may alleviate that a bit. And, maybe, if the wives amuse themselves in the daytime, it shouldn’t have an impact on the work.

On the other hand, if the wives always come then perhaps it does get weird for those who don’t bring anyone.

I suppose it depends on sector.
Mine travels a lot so is a platinum member of hotel chain so gets room upgrades, free club level etc.
He’s currently in a 5 star hotel and will be eating a meal alone after work. I couldn’t join him this time.
Instead I’ve worked from home. If I’d gone I could have worked from hotel (I have work laptop and a portable monitor screen as prefer 2 screens). Logged off at 5.30pm and had a look around the shops and then joined him for dinner (paid my half) and a dip in rooftop pool. Wouldn’t impact his work at all. Would cost company zero extra. I know what I’d have preferred to be doing this evening.

I can see that being a reason a manager might decide to change policy - especially if you have the kind of industry where client entertaining is important.

And as I said if your work trip is a special event, chance for networking, need for group debriefing etc after hours then its would be odd to have a spouse hanging about.

But if your work ‘trip’ is simply working off site on a regular basis which requires an overnight, then it’s bonkers to see it as any different than going home after your regular working day.

My Dad used to have to audit other offices in his company, which meant 2-3 times a year traveling to a different city (by car) spending two days in that office and going home - it was no different in terms of a working day than being at his home office.

So my Mum who was retired would go with him, spend the day doing her own thing and then they’d have the evening together.

At one point I was working in one of the cities he had to go to, so I could spend the day having fun with my Mum and then we’d all have dinner together.

His colleague who came with him used to skip the hotel, stay with friends and pocket the hotel expenses (back when you could do that) - neither was at all bothered about how the other spent their evenings.