Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

Not relevant at all though, since the weird, intrusive woman didn't complain about the taxes she specifically went whining to management because, in her own mind, these women only came along because they thought she'd get up to something inappropriate.

She was invited with them, but that was not good enough for her. She then invented a scenario in her own mind where these strangers thought she was up to no good.

If management want to crack down on wives coming with as freebies - fine.

She's still a troublemaker, who was happy to shit on her colleagues for nothing at all.

I think I’d lodge a complaint back about the implication there might be behaviour that makes my wife uncomfortable, just to have that on register. I’d also add that I’ve always been very flexible for work trips but work has also always been very understanding that it’s a drain on family time and under the new policy this is no longer the case and I will have to consider whether I can do work trips on a trip per trip basis given the impact on my family.

There is a benefit in kind implication when its happening regularly. Plus of course clients get pissed off with it when they are paying the bills.

The OP states this a regular thing - freebies for the wives on trips funded by the company or client. This is precisely why its usually banned or has to be requested formally.

Not relevant at all though, since the weird, intrusive woman didn't complain about the taxes she specifically went whining to management because, in her own mind, these women only came along because they thought she'd get up to something inappropriate.

She was invited with them. That was not good enough for her. She then invented a scenario in her own mind where these strangers thought she was up to no good.

If management want to crack down on wives coming with as freebies - fine.

She's still a troublemaker, who was happy to shit on her colleagues for nothing at all.

The spare wheel in this scenario was expecting to have dinner with the colleagues she was working with whilst out of town. Hardly unusual, normal practice on short trips as work extends into the evenings. WAGs regularly tagging along on business trips OTOH - very unusual and has tax implications.

she might expect dinner with her colleagues debriefing on the client work. Or simply socialising /building relationships

She might expect that. Seeing the two men went their separate ways for dinner, she ain't gonna get it. It's clearly not the kind of meeting you need to dissect afterwards. As has been frequently said already, the employer can't reasonably order staff to socialise after work, in their own time.

This isn't client entertainment or even a 'corporate social event'. It's subsistence while working away. If the bosses insist on forced socialising, they'll have to spend more and get more people there.

OP said upfront they strictly separate and itemise their expenses. There's no tax implication - a kind PP even linked the relevant section on the govt website.

Its awkward for single people if wives and husbands are allowed to tag along on work trips. On the whole I think companies are right to ban this practice.

Dear people making excuses for the weird woman who complained for no reason - you sound weird too.

While having dinner with colleagues when away on work trips might be nice it is NOT necessary NOT required and NOT expected by anybody reasonable and professional.

It doesn't matter if she was "disappointed" she didn't get to hang out alone with two men in her 50s, the appropriate and only response from her should have been to shut up about it and get on with her life - or join them all for dinner.

She specifically said she thought they thought she'd be behaving inappropriately. Her assumption about that speaks volumes about her and says nothing at all about the situation.

She had no idea what anyone was thinking, but clearly she has form for that. Imagine two older men having dinner with their wives, and you're also invited along and your first thought is "HOW DARE THESE WOMEN COME TO THIS WEEKEND AWAY BECAUSE THEY THINK I WILL BEHAVE BADLY!"

And then she moaned about a nothing burger to management because - well, why? Because she thinks a woman joining her husband for dinner is unacceptable? Because - as she said herself - SHE thinks THEY think she's going to misbehave.

She's a troublemaker. Nobody at that company, male or female of any age, should be left alone with her. Ever.

Mmm, we can hardly assume young staff would prefer dinner with older colleagues over having a free evening. Maybe they all want to get on Tinder/Grindr!

The OP is describing a situation where there is only one night away - a day or two normally means one night. And no, I wouldn’t leave the newer colleague on their own quite apart from short trips generally being intense enough to want that time to debrief.

And of course there are tax implications. Its not an accident that most organisations either ban these freebies or require them to be requested and approved in an auditable manner.

Doesn’t matter really - with a handful of us out of town for such a short period I’d suck it up and ensure nobody was left alone unless they wished to be. And of course we would use it to debrief.

The colleague was expecting to have dinner with her colleagues and was told “no the wives are here” then allowed to tag along with one couple as an afterthought.

You're only really describing one scenario/industry though.
DH is travelling if he's working and it's not like that at all. If you're away for months at a time you're not wanting to hang out with your colleagues during every bit of downtime, you need a break.

Obviously if they are not free to go due to work commitments then they won't, thats up to them. What's the problem if its not costing the company any money?

As a one off people will turn a blind eye but as a regular it is guaranteed to piss off the mostly younger staff who are left alone after the big boys leave the office to rush off to dinner with WAGS.

Oh, @C8H10N4O2, the poor younger staff must be so disappointed if they can't eat dinner with the older blokes! What on earth will they do without their elders to tell them what to do in the evening? 😭

It's not as if they could go on a pub crawl together, hole up and watch porn Netflix, read a book, play a game, hang out in the hotel bar chatting shit, go for run or do whatever it is they do of a weekday evening, is it?

Is it?? Why not?

Your husband needs to avoid this troublemaker at all costs. Open door policy, never be alone with her anywhere, no closed one to one meetings, ever.

Obviously, you can go with him anytime he goes for a meal, if he wants you to do that. It would be worth paying for your own room and being there whenever she is going to be away with the company, and for the other wife to do this too, for the sake of your husband and his male colleague. Witnesses and a barrier between her and everyone she works alongside.

The fact that she went straight to "they thought I would be unprofessional and inappropriate" tells you everything anyone needs to know about her. Unless someone flatly said something along these lines to her, she has form for behaving badly and causing problems at work.

And she made that complaint based on two men in their 50s having dinner with their wives and being invited to join them. Even if she was annoyed by this (which is abnormal in itself) the fact that she felt comfortable whining about it and causing her colleagues hassle, putting them offside for absolutely no good reason at all says an awful lot about her too.

It would be a good thing for her colleagues to always have witnesses if forced to spend time with her outside of work, and not to enter into any one to one conversations without witnesses.

This new or junior colleague was invited to dinner though and turned down the invitation.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think OP said if they were junior or senior? But yes I agree I would never leave a junior staff member to eat alone if we were travelling together, even though I am quite happy with a M&S picnic spread over my bed while I watch Food Network...

I would have assumed they had their own jobs and I would be mindful of the audit implications of staff family members tagging along for freebies. The whole set up is odd.

Those who feel colleagues should always eat socially together in evening even though it’s their unpaid time where do you draw line?
Lots of people have health issues and need to rest or decompress. What about colleagues who want to FaceTime their children or go to evening prayers or have online classes. Is that a good enough reason not to go to dinner with a colleague.
Whole dietary minefield too. If everyone gets £25 meal allowance. A needs vegan, B wants McDonalds as only eats beige, C needs halal, D would rather spend allowance in M & S on snacks, E has an eating disorder and can’t eat in front of people, F is a gym boy and only eats chicken and broccoli, G is on a diet and will only eat at a chain with cals on menu. Etc etc.
I don’t see it as a gravy train it’s not cost employer a penny. Wife been nowhere near work so no distraction says she didn’t even see the 2 colleagues.
If OP’s husband had said I’m just heading back to room might get room service the female colleague is in exact same position of needing to make her own dinner plans.

Because its weird.

I have travelled a huge amount for work and this is not remotely normal. The single person in this situation is faced with doing a social dinner with people she doesn’t know at the end of a long client day (they are always long days on client site) or being billy no mates in the hotel restaurant when normally she might expect dinner with her colleagues debriefing on the client work. Or simply socialising /building relationships with her colleagues.

I would never leave a new or junior colleague like this even though I am entirely happy eating alone.

That is all before we get to the tax implications of the WAGS cruising along for freebies paid for by the company or even worse, paid for directly by the client. At the least there should be a process for approving their joining the events and tracking it for compliance.

A sexist work culture how? I think banning wives is way more sexist! What, they should just stay home, perhaps in the kitchen while the men go off? I don't bloody think so.

This- so ops dh and all the other colleagues are so “self centred” not to centre this one woman?

Gosh yes because the husband couldn’t possibly be lying, it can only be a whiny woman. It couldn’t possibly be that the company has changed policy because its realised how many of the WAGS are going along for a freebie and putting their audit at risk wrt HMRC compliance.

I’m amazed that in this male dominated industry the WAGS apparently don’t have jobs or other responsibilities but are free to take a couple of days off every 3-4 weeks to join the trip plus of course a couple of week long absences at other times of year.

Mostly I’m astonished that the work trips are in places interesting enough for the WAGS to be desperate to tag along. IME most work trips are in fairly uninspiring places and involve long hours. If OH had been there with me it would have been to say “hi” before I fell into bed. Perhaps the hypothetical company has got wind of some slacking off against the client expectations as their staff are in semi holiday mode.

How taking the WAGS along helps the company spirit I have no idea. As a one off people will turn a blind eye but as a regular it is guaranteed to piss off the mostly younger staff who are left alone after the big boys leave the office to rush off to dinner with WAGS. This would be even more so at a conference where the whole purpose is to network with your industry peers.

It sounded like a really old-fashioned and sexist work culture, like something out of the 70s or 80s. I’m in my late 60s and can’t imagine working in this environment for the past 30 years.
I guess the new employee’s email helped highlight the weirdness of this culture, and enabled senior management to finally end the practices.
One question though, is the new person working in finance, HR, or more senior? If so that will explain why it was stopped immediately without any input from the staff themselves.

Why would she feel uncomfortable if everyone was friendly unless she just wanted to be the centre of attention with the men. Also she has just joined the company and should not be dictating and changing the normal just to suit her.