Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

They are accommodating you because they have a duty to do so, since they are making you work in a location where you can't get home. That doesn't mean they can legally decide what you can and can't do in that accommodation.

The evening absolutely shouldn’t be spent with colleagues. Since I finished training, my evenings on work trips are spent in the hotel pool and spa, or solo exploring a city, or in my bed reading a book. Unless there’s a specific event that’s been put on, I’m absolutely not spending my free time with my colleagues and no one can dictate that I do.

Well, that's true. But the thing is, the intrusive, weird woman was only bothered because she though the wives didn't have a right to be there, and in her fantasy everyone thought she was going to behave inappropriately.

It's an absolutely massive red flag that she went to that conclusion.

Provided OP and her DH are paying all the additional costs generated by her coming, and it does not change the work her DH is there to do (e.g. if he would have worked full days but is taking the afternoon off each time to go to museums with OP) then the work expenses remain work expenses and there are no tax implications for the company. Because the things that the company pay for would have to be paid for anyway, they are not considered a benefit in kind just because someone else has tagged along too.

This is a well worn bit of tax code.

Whoever said they might need to revisit this if a staff member is for example breastfeeding or has a disability requiring a carer had a good point. Even if they don't now, it could happen in the future.

How taking the WAGS along helps the company spirit I have no idea.

Because if you work away regularly it's a nice benefit to be able to take your partner along away for a few days. Less time apart, change of scenery, hotel facilities, a meal out somewhere different, bit of socializing with other couples they get along with.

As a one off people will turn a blind eye but as a regular it is guaranteed to piss off the mostly younger staff who are left alone after the big boys leave the office to rush off to dinner with WAGS.

It's not guaranteed at all. Not everyone needs to be babysat by their colleagues.

This would be even more so at a conference where the whole purpose is to network with your industry peers.

I don't think anyone has suggested taking partners to a conference/networking event. That's very different to just working away.

@bandog

“The expectation is although our time is our own after working hours we should remain professional and be fully prepared for the next day”

Just like every night before a working day. People manage to remain fully professional and fully prepared for the next day when they are in their home office and going home to their families.

What is the ACTUAL difference to going ‘home’ to your spouse in a hotel room than your normal commute home?

*full acceptance that if it’s a special event where evening networking, client entertaining or other activities are required then that’s a different scenario.

The thing to do was for the intrusive colleague to shut her gob and just get on with her life, or take up the offer of dinner with the group.

f it was really, really bothering her that people were getting a freebie (though it shouldn't have been) she could have complained about that (yes, very quietly) - instead she was not moaning about the freebie but about the existence of the two wives who, she fantasised, suggested "that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate"

There is something wrong with this woman, and she is to be avoided as much as possible, and any socialising should be avoided completely or if absolutely unavoidable, only with many witnesses.

I did take DH and indeed DCs on some business trips, but I was aware that this was a little dodgy from a company perspective. In particular, rooms would always be booked for single use only and from an insurance perspective, if firms know that spouses are also travelling (and indeed accommodate this), they may finish up with accident claims should something happen on the trip. Particularly if they are travelling in a company car on company business. So I am not surprised this has been stopped. The thing to do was to be reasonably discrete.

Yes, absolutely.

Not to mention she specifically invented a scenario in her own head "suggesting that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate" - this is frankly bizarre and she obviously has form for either unprofessional behaviour or being a fantasist.

She certainly has main character syndrome. None of the stuff about taxes or freebies actually matters. What matters is this woman is a weirdo, a troublemaker and should be avoided.

Yep, it's fine if the company decides no more spouses can tag along for free. Of course, they can still go if they want to go on their own dime and the company can't stop that.

But none of that is relevant to this woman's behaviour - refusing dinner with her colleagues because their wives were there, inventing scenarios in her own head where they are expecting her to behave inappropriately.

She has told everyone who she is and they should behave accordingly. Stay away from one to ones with her, always have a witness, no socialising at all unless it is a company do where there are plenty of people around.

Well if they did that, the new colleague still wouldn't be happy as it wouldn't solve her problem of wanting to go to dinner and or drinks with these men without their wives now would it? Which seems to be the crux of the matter for her.
Can you imagine if a new younger man joined a company and threw a strop because his female colleagues wanted to spend their evening with their spouses, how dare they not crawl over each other to spend their free time with him 😂

If I was your husband I just wouldn't socialise with her full stop.

Sure, she could.have joined.
Sure, she might have hoped to go out with her colleagues.

But she isn't entitled to their unpaid time so she should have accepted the compromise.

If he socialises with her on the next trip, she's had her tantrum and gotten her way. I wouldn't pander to that nonsense.

Surprised so many would discuss work business/debrief in a public restaurant. That would be a big no in my sector.
Op mentions audit. Not an auditor but I’d have thought there would be confidential reports, referrals to regulators etc.

Great point.

Yes if they are paying for the room, obviously they can’t police it but they can make it policy. If you choose to book your own room and pay your own expenses you can do whatever you like

Where does the OP say she was told "No" the wives are here? Seems like when dinner was mentioned she was informed that the wives were there also and she was welcome to join them. She wasn't left out, she declined, which is her right.

As I said, different industries. I stayed with DH in Europe for six weeks last year and no-one gave a shit. Going to shortly be doing another month.

I suspect at least some of her colleagues will probably take this attitude. Personally I would try and minimise the amount of time I spent around her, and that's even as someone who gets why the company might think it's easiest not to have anyone other than staff staying in the hotel rooms. I certainly wouldn't want to be placed in a position where she and I might be expected to socialise.

The company cannot dictate how your husband spends his time not at work. Once that work day is over his evening is for him to do what he wishes. I would be pushing back on the email asking if they are stating that meal times are work time and therefore paid over time, and whether or not this over time is mandatory.

On work trips I do socialise with colleagues in the evening for lack of anything else to do, but if just one night away I often take away in bed, I suggest this is what your husband now does if working away with this woman… that’s if he can’t just refuse the working away completely.

My partner works away a lot. His company pay for an air bnb for him rather than a hotel so there is room for me and kids to come along too. The price difference has to be with in reason though. But obviously there is no additional cost to your DH company.

I travelled all over with him on my maternity leave. We paid just my flights and the extra hotel nights when extending the break.

I wonder if it is actually legal for an employer to have these sorts of restrictions on what their staff do after the work day has finished just because they're traveling? Especially given the damage traveling for work does to relationships.

They are saying you can't meet your spouse or sleep with them even when your work day is done, because you are traveling for work. How is that a reasonable work policy?

I predict that you’ve never worked in professional roles.

Condescending. Do you think all 'professional roles' are the same? That every company has the same culture?

My company don’t know anything about my spouse and don’t know anything about other people’s spouses either.

Unless you're some kind of undercover spy/assassin, I don't believe that you've never had a single conversation with a colleague about your/their spouse/family.

It’s like something from the Victorian era thinking that a spouse is a part of your at work persona, isn’t it?

Who said anything about making them part of your 'work persona'? What does that even mean? It's not a binary choice between people knowing nothing about your partner or centering them in everything you say and do at work.

Happily I am judged for my talents and skills, and mine alone.

You may well be, but if you've worked with people for any length of time and have never once asked any of them a single thing about their home life - and refuse to discuss yours - then trust me, they are almost certainly judging you on your personality as well.

In my workplace taking spouses along would be agreed as a one off or if we were making a trip after (tacking on a weekend break in a city I was working in) but wouldn’t be encouraged as a regular thing. The expectation is although our time is our own after working hours we should remain professional and be fully prepared for the next day - so usual routine is a meal with colleagues, some go off to gym or whatever, a glass of wine or two max and then off to rooms to rest or prep for the next day. It’s a good opportunity to get to know colleagues a bit better. Regularly taking advantage of work trips for all the wives to come along and go out to the pub or for a dinner, making it more of a social event, would be a bit frowned upon as the purpose of the trip is professional.

Wives and husbands are all encouraged to come along for annual party etc.

No, there isn't. There are different sections for benefit in kind and self-covered expenses. OP is compliant.

work extends into the evenings

Well, it doesn't on these trips, does it?

It may shock you to learn that not every job is exactly like yours.