Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

But if all the colleagues are meeting up with their wives then it is leaving one person out. Yes she may be “invited” but not everyone would be comfortable with that dynamic. Either go out as work colleagues or do your own thing as individuals not as a group leaving one person out…

They all made there own individual plans
what to do in there own time after they’d clocked off

I don’t always so I either colleagues when on courses

I don’t think it’s normal to constantly have a spouse tagging along on work trips. The only time I’ve ever heard of it was for a guy who was self employed & traveled a lot. It wouldn’t be BAU in audit at all. I think that is relevant.

Taking OH on a work trip is very strange to me. I think the way she has worded the complaint is OTT & odd, but to me a work trip
is a work trip, not a chance for an OH to take a free holiday.
Saying it’s created a happy environment & wouldn’t have impacted the bottom line is missing the point to me.
Work trips are about work. if you go out for dinner with work colleagues you can talk about work. You can’t & in a lot of cases shouldn’t do that with others present.

I don’t think it’s normal to constantly have a spouse tagging along on work trips. The only time I’ve ever heard of it was for a guy who was self employed & traveled a lot. It wouldn’t be BAU in audit at all. I think that is relevant.

There's at least some jobs where you also couldn't talk about work whilst out for dinner either!

It just seems pointless to me for people to keep generalising about what should happen on trips like these. There's obviously so much variation.

It sounds like she was embarrassed to find out evening plans had been made with no regard for her, and understandably so. Saying she could join a colleague she barely knows and his wife (!) after she'd asked what the plans were for dinner must've been so bloody awkward for everyone involved. I'm not sure I'd have complained if I were her, but it would've put my nose out of joint and I'd probably try to find out if it was the norm.

Taking OH on a work trip is very strange to me. I think the way she has worded the complaint is OTT & odd, but to me a work trip
is a work trip, not a chance for an OH to take a free holiday.
Saying it’s created a happy environment & wouldn’t have impacted the bottom line is missing the point to me.
Work trips are about work. if you go out for dinner with work colleagues you can talk about work. You can’t & in a lot of cases shouldn’t do that with others present.

Almost sounds like there's a missing bit of information. Could one of the husbands have lightheartedly said to her they couldn't invite her as the wife would complain or something like that?

But for many work ‘trips’ it is exactly the same as at home - you are just working in a different location during the day. No clients to answer to, no requirement to be ‘on’ for work reasons.

The OP hasn’t expanded on the actual work but her first post mentioned audits which suggests the sort of work which needs to be done off base occasionally. Nothing about that suggests evening commitments are expected - hence it’s same as being at home - you’ve clocked off for the day and it’s your own time.

Agree! It's all really weird.

Saying that I do think it's unusual that spouses were ever allowed to tag along in the first place. I used to do a lot of travelling with work and it was pretty much expected that you'd at least spend an hour sharing an evening meal with your colleague. What you did then varied, if you wanted to go to the gym or back to your room and chill (alone!) absolutely fine but if you were close friends and wanted to go for a drink or something that was fine too. So I can see why she might have been a bit annoyed if she was expecting to get to know her new colleagues and have a nice meal with them, to find out that everyone else had brought partners and she either had to eat alone or awkwardly third wheel with a married couple.

But agree that the way her complaint w as worded (or at least the way you've heard it worded) is bizarre.

So background. DH works in a fairly male dominated industry.

When he first started in this company he would be away fairly often. One or two nights away every 4/6 weeks. One week in April and the odd conference.

I almost always went with him if I could for no other reason than the free hotel. If there were other colleagues they would have have their spouses with them as well. We became friends with many of them and still socialise. Irrelevant to my post but we always had separate bills and we never exploited expenses and we never saw other colleagues do this either but obviously the room was the same price regardless of occupancy.

Covid came along and other ways of doing things came about so audits etc were done remotely and these trips are now few and far between.

Last week I did join him for the first time in probably 6 months. He was leaving the centre with a male colleague in his fifties and a female colleague (mid thirties but I don’t know if anyone will find ages relevant) who had joined the company around three to six months ago (DH and colleague differ on the dates).

As they left to check into hotel the female colleague asked if they were eating, but they said that they had their wives with them and the male colleague said that she was welcome to join them but she declined. We had booked a pub meal on our own.

They were all together on Friday but over the weekend she has made a complaint suggesting that I and the other colleague’s wife had deliberately tagged along as they believed she would be unprofessional and inappropriate.

An email has now gone out saying that spouses are no longer able to tag along.

Colleague was spoken to face to face and the bosses did seem apologetic. DH was on a site and saw the email and was phoned by one of the directors again with apologies.

Surely she should have been told about the culture of the company. I am really gobsmacked. Two other wives have texted me this morning and they feel the same. We had a really nice lifestyle there which is bound to have created a nice work environment.

This. I work in an advisory role. If I was to go on a work trip what happens in the evenings is up to the clients. It’s not the same as a day at home.

She has told everyone who she is and they should behave accordingly. Stay away from one to ones with her, always have a witness, no socialising at all unless it is a company do where there are plenty of people around.

It's definitely giving off those vibes.

But it's equally possible that somebody has told her something that led her to believe the wives think she needs keeping an eye on, or someone has said something in jest that's been taken the wrong way.

Making up lies about multiple colleagues wives less than six months into a new job would be quite the gamble 😅

It's awkward for people in relationships if they aren't allowed to maintain their relationship the way that works for them because their colleagues want their company out of work hours.

The spare wheel in this scenario was expecting to have dinner with the colleagues she was working with whilst out of town. Hardly unusual, normal practice on short trips as work extends into the evenings. WAGs regularly tagging along on business trips OTOH - very unusual and has tax implications.

Its awkward for single people if wives and husbands are allowed to tag along on work trips. On the whole I think companies are right to ban this practice.

Yep, it's fine if the company decides no more spouses can tag along for free. Of course, they can still go if they want to go on their own dime and the company can't stop that.

But none of that is relevant to this woman's behaviour - refusing dinner with her colleagues because their wives were there, inventing scenarios in her own head where they are expecting her to behave inappropriately.

She has told everyone who she is and they should behave accordingly. Stay away from one to ones with her, always have a witness, no socialising at all unless it is a company do where there are plenty of people around.