Husband’s female colleague’s issue being taken very seriously.

Or maybe you could find the sort of job that would enable you to travel to such places off your own back?

As many have explained it isn’t universal. And the HR department do see a risk that the company has decided not to carry. That how business works, you decided what risks you are willing to take.

She’s quite capable of understanding for herself that evenings are your own when you work away from home, it shouldn’t have needed any explanation. I don’t see what “risk” there could possibly be.

Ha, @Hellometime, you've just reminded me about two of the older men in my last office, who ensured one of them always had a chess set in his briefcase. If they were being exhorted to socialise when they did not want to socialise, they'd earnestly plead a chess date and root themselves in a quiet corner with their mediaeval military analogy.

The other older men carried on behaving like Don Draper. One of them had a literal 'office wife' who, like him, was married to somebody else. They'd been a couple for so long that most people thought they were married to each other.

@CautiousLurker2 Enjoy. Honestly don’t let this thread put you off. I’ve loved the opportunity to travel to places I’ve never been.

She was on a work trip with two senior work colleagues. Why was it not on them to spell it out? Why didn’t they explain the plan for the trip for her, it’s not akin to going to football after work. It’s a business trip when you’re away with collegues. The least they could have done was explain her evenings are her own.

By the sounds of things it wasn’t an official policy in any case. It was overlooked/tolerated/not an issue until somebody made it an issue. And then the company decided it was too risky.

I have actually seen it, it’s all about the man’s work being the centre of the universe. And the wife being the support act & socialising with the other wives & how they feel about the young girls in the office.

To me, saying things like me being there helps my husband, and contributes to company culture positively is very Mad Men. It’s the husband’s job, not the wife’s. Going to a few conferences etc fine. Going on every single trip even short trips for the purpose of carrying out an audit seems way OTT. I can see how more junior female colleagues might feel sidelined by this group of not only men who are pals in a male dominated workplace but their wives who all hang out together.

Oh I missed that - hilarious. I'm quite capable of pandering to my own wants and needs.

@WhatWouldDianeLockhartDo but there wasn’t some foursome couples dinner planned.
I can see if they were all eating together and hadn’t invited her she’d feel left out.
But 50s bloke had plans at a restaurant and the DH had plans at a pub.
Yes ideally she should have been told the evenings are your free time up to you what you do you get £25 meal allowance or whatever. But that’s on employer not spelling it out.
If she’s moved from a different firm where everyone pooled meal allowances and had a meal together then it will have been a surprise.
But all firms are different and work cultures differ. The employer can’t direct how they spend their free time.
She may move to a firm where the colleagues play football in evening or go to a place of worship together and equally feel left out.

Funnily as a result of this thread, I emailed DH to make sure he knew the policy and I would be able to visit without jeopardising his career in anyway. Fortunately, his company seems to be relaxed about it - possibly because he checked first and also because he has been working there for 20 years and has a stellar rep for being ethical.

As DH hopes to only have another 5 years until he takes early retirement and because he has done several decades of travelling alone, leaving me at home with the kids, I think being able to take me with him some times [I also have a life LOL] was kind of a sweetener for him. I think it was going to make the last few years of working at his level/age a bit more bearable.

He has offices in some amazing cities and I can’t wait to see some of the places he has talked about for so long and see his work-life through a new lens.

Sorry It was more of a point about the thread in general.

I wish PP would stop going on about Mad Men; it's very irritating. If they'd actually seen it, they'd be aware that the 1950s-60s (and 70s) businessman kept his wifey at homey while he caroused around doing Business and inserting as much of himself as possible into as many women as possible - or men, I guess, though he'd have to keep that quiet.

It wasn't so different in my 1980s - 2010s career, either, except that more of us were women and fewer of the partners were at home. I've already said that [a] many of us ended up as same-industry couples, which had much the same effect as 'tag-along' spouses only with everyone on expenses, and [b] the family-friendly outfits are the ones with the best employee retention, loyalty and longevity.

I suspect family-exclusionary may actually be the style that's going out of fashion.

Wow - how misogynistic is this??

He is not going to be ‘pandering to his wife’s wants and needs’ during the working day in another city any more than he does when he WFH or from his usual work-based office and goes home at night.

He will put in a day’s work while she is off exploring the city on their own dime and then will meet to eat and talk in the evening, as he would after any day at work at home. Maybe go sight seeing/see a play etc. There is no legal obligation to spend your evening with colleagues just because you are in a different city - unless the employee and spouse [I know of a retired DH who joins his exec wife on some business trips] choose to or it is a pre-planned event such as a business dinner of conference, in which case wives probably don’t visit anyway.

'Some woman' being the actual employee of the company you aren't an employee of! If you were/ are lonely then that's your responsibility to resolve, not a new employee who has raised an issue with company policy at her new employers.

Maybe. My experience (not audit) is younger staff often struggle with work a distance away and overnights due to childcare, school runs etc and often older staff will pick up slack.
If it was known they were always up for a job as Mrs liked a night away I’d suspect they were a safe bet to ring when colleagues child had chickenpox etc.

Maybe they don’t. Experience still counts.

Maybe they want to get rid of these longstanding staff members though? If they are of an age when their kids have left home they’d struggle to find work elsewhere due to the (sad) age discrimination.

Some people seem gleeful that something that was viewed as a little perk has ended.
It’s how you piss off longstanding staff.
I was on a course recently and an auditor was saying it was impossible to recruit senior skilled staff.
Lots of firms operate on goodwill.
If I was the DH I’d do my contracted audits and no more. No covering colleagues if they have an emergency or travelling at weekends/evenings. No unofficial socialising with colleagues in evening. I’d be professional and cautious around her. Zero chance I’d be eating with her.

I agree with you, that is an old-fashioned attitude - but I didn't say anything of the sort?

OP mentions both audits and conferences, I have just said what's normal in my office with conferences - my post was more directed towards those who said they think it's unprofessional to take anyone "extra" on any trip at all. I don't see why you have picked my post to make your point with.

How is it a work jolly when it’s not her work and she’s paying for herself?

I travel for work a fair amount and I know some people take their spouses where it suits. However, if I went away with two co-workers of any sex and they had their spouses turn up for the meal and I didn’t know them well, I would very much feel like they didn’t want me imposing and that I should eat somewhere else without them. The fair thing to do would have been to warn her and ensure she knew she was absolutely invited as she was likely looking forward to the bonding time with colleagues and felt excluded. Additionally, she may have thought she would have bought her spouse if she had been told.

So your client is in the same city that you live and work in - when you are auditing that client you don’t stay in a hotel because you can just drive home as usual.

You finish each day and drive home to your spouse.

So how is that different from getting the elevator up to a hotel room where your spouse is?

It’s not.

I don’t see how the dh has pandered to his wife.
It sounds like he went to client office. Did job.
At end of day went with two colleagues to check in hotel.
Presumably staying overnight due to it being a 2 day job and distance. No suggestion of there being any work related event in evening.
Wife didn’t go near the place of work or see the colleagues at hotel
If the two men had said we usually make our own plans and sort our own evening meal see you at 8.30am tomorrow she’d have been none the wiser about wives.
There’s no obligation to socialise with colleagues in your own free time in the evening. They also can’t be discussing confidential audit info in public.
Some sectors it’s difficult to recruit and retain skilled staff.
I suspect employer has shot himself in foot.
Some posters may sneer at an overnight in a ‘holiday inn’ being a perk but if it made these two employees more likely to say yes to travel and zero cost to employer then it’s shortsighted to have cut it off and by the boss speaking personally to them he is obviously trying to keep them onside.
Two longstanding employees without dependants that are willing to travel are valuable.
Going forward if they work to their contract and don’t go above and beyond I suspect employer will realise. I’d guess they were a good choice to step in if colleagues couldn’t go due to a sick child etc. If he’s lost their goodwill then there may be implications like having to cancel client jobs last minute.

A conference & carrying out an audit aren’t the same thing though.

People saying things like they’d be staring at the walls when their husband is away, that the contribute positively to the company by socialising on their husband’s trips to carry out audits and their husbands need them to de-stress on a short business trip is very Mad Men in 2026.

Being invited to attend a conference with a spouse isn’t the same as an audit or similar.

OP’s work jollies lifestyle has been ended. That’s the nub of this.