Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some honest advice because I feel like I’m at my limit with a friendship and I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or finally seeing things clearly.
I’ve been friends with this girl since my early 20s (I’m now late 20s and currently 25 weeks pregnant with my first baby). Over the years I’ve helped her a lot – lending money, babysitting, doing favours. Looking back, it’s always felt quite one-sided but I didn’t really clock it properly at the time.
She has a child already (7 years old) and is now pregnant with her second. She actually announced her pregnancy about 2 months after I shared mine, and ever since then she’s suddenly become very full on – calling weekly, saying things like “we’re doing motherhood together” and “we’ve got no excuses now, we’ll both be on maternity leave so we’ll see each other loads.”
I’ll be honest, it’s started to feel like she’s attaching herself to my pregnancy and assuming a level of closeness that just isn’t there. Before this, we could go weeks without speaking and I hadn’t properly seen her in nearly 2 years.
The main issue is she still asks me for money and favours. During this pregnancy alone she’s asked me multiple times to borrow money, which I find quite shocking given I’m literally preparing for a baby and a huge life change myself. This isn’t new either – she’s asked for money consistently over the years. What bothers me is she’ll ask me for money but at the same time be spending on things like a car or going on holiday.
There’s also a pattern where she only really reaches out when she needs something. For example, I hadn’t seen her for about a year, then she asked me to babysit. After that I didn’t hear from her for weeks, she posted indirect stuff about “friends not being there,” then messaged saying she missed me… and shortly after asked for another favour.
She also tends to fall out with friends (including other mums) and says they “don’t show up for her,” but I’m starting to wonder if it’s because people get fed up of the same pattern.
Another thing that put me off was when I babysat for her, she seemed a bit off because I asked her to bring her child to my place rather than me going to hers. She dropped her off in pyjamas, barely interacted, was gone for about 1.5 hours, then called me to bring her outside when she came back. It just felt very transactional.
Now she’s pushing this “mum friendship” idea and I honestly don’t want it. I don’t want childcare swaps, I don’t want constant contact, and I definitely don’t want to feel like I’m becoming part of her support system when I’m about to have my own baby.
I’ve started distancing myself (not answering calls, saying no to money) and I’ve realised I just feel drained by the whole thing. The friendship doesn’t really benefit me anymore and hasn’t for a long time.
Am I being unreasonable for wanting to step back or end the friendship? Has anyone dealt with something similar?