AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

I wouldn’t let any of my children wear ballet flats because there is no support whatsoever and they’re shit! But I wouldn’t use the argument of ‘he’s a boy, so must wear boy stuff’! That’s a very outdated position.

I would probably have said that they weren’t good for growing feet rather than place the emphasis on them being for girls. But I would have been secretly glad to have a solid reason to use, because children can be horrible about this sort of thing. My eldest son has been wearing alternative clothing for a couple of years now (he’s a teenager) and the bullying is relentless. He doesn’t wear dresses or anything, but will wear fishnets showing through ripped jeans, sparkly stuff and eyeliner (alongside heavy metal t shirts and chunky biker boots.) He’s a throwback to the eighties🤣 He says there is not one day goes by when someone doesn’t call him a horrible name. The love of sparkly stuff started when he was small and I went with the flow, but even back then there were a lot of comments and teasing about him being a girl. He’s not trans. Just likes playing about with different looks. I think he looks fantastic. And I admire his resilience/stubbornness!

It would be a no from me also, but I'd also not buy any of my children ballet type shoes - absolutely awful footwear choice for support!

What a silly comment.

Perhaps he just thought they looked easy to take on and off like plimsolls

Same, my boy wears whatever the hell he wants. He knows he’s a boy who likes typically feminine things.
It’s when parents start saying “no it’s for girls” that they start thinking they should be a girl.

YRBU because ballet flats are terrible for anyone’s feet full stop, especially a childs

Surely the point is did he need shoes and if so, did these meet the requirements?

You don't have to make it about gender. I wouldn't buy these for my six year old girl just because she liked them. And I wouldn't buy them her for school because they don't cover enough of her foot for walking through playground mud and grass and would fall off her feet.

A child pestering for something isn't a reason to buy anything.

But trainers are not for boys? 😕

This is an odd post

1. you do not spontaneously buy children Clarks shoes when they don't need them
2. Six year olds take random interests in things 100 times a day; you don't buy all the things they take a fancy to
3. If they are for school, then they are impractical (for girls and boys) at this age because they are likely to be running round, climbing, playing football etc in them
4. You can tell your 6 year old "no" for any reason whether it's good or not

I actually can't see why OP has started the thread unless to stir things up.

I opened this thinking it was a girl and was going to agree you aren't unreasonable as they are terrible for feet....but also still feel agreeved that my mum wouldn't let me have a pair in 1986 when all the cool girls had them in patent leather in p2 and I had clarks t-bar sandals.

But no matter thats its your little boy I do agree as now being a mother I (shudder) agree with my Mum and they are terrible for feet.

My son wore (still wears to a lesser extent now he's 13/clothes have got slightly better) a lot of girls clothes and shoes as he had always liked bright colours and mostly high street shops boys choices were navy, black, khaki and beige. We had a lot of next girls stuff including rainbow trainers for quite a few years.

At 6 my DS was desperate for a pair of high heels - I did buy him some plastic princess pairs to wear in the house.

Would a pair of ballet slippers do to wear at home if he does keep coming back to this?

Don’t say they’re for girls just say they’re bad for your feet. Which they are for both sexes as they have no arch support

I probably would have gone with 'these style shoes are for adults, but it's nice you like them'. Or 'we're not buying shoes for you today, but it's nice you like Mummy's new shoes'.

Ballet flats aren't suitable for children, there's zero support.

This. Boys don't wear girls clothes/ shoes. If he wants to do it when he's older and at a non uniform that's up to him. Just now the answer is no

Exactly this. Ballet shoes are terrible for feet. Fine for special occasions/dressing up/ballet but no good for school/running/playing.

Why can't it be a simple matter of the right footwear for growing feet ? There are differences between boys and girls’ feet - surely the priority is what’s healthy for the child.

Of course school uniform is a rule to be followed, I said for a non-uniform day.

It doesn’t matter if they wear fancy dress any time, it was just an example where someone might make a comment. It’s an important part of child development to figure out social norms and that often results in a phase where some kids make unkind comments if you get it “wrong”. Obviously the unkind comments need to be addressed. It’s also valuable to the child who is less aware of or hung up on these “rules” to be able to discuss them with a parent.

The fancy dress example actually happened recently to a child of a friend of mine, a sensitive child who was very upset by another child’s comment and thinking that she’d got it wrong. So mum of course told her the other girl shouldn’t have been mean and you can wear what makes you feel good. But they also talked about when fancy dress is and isn’t expected, because that’s useful information for the future.

learning what people expect you to wear (and other rules of social behavior) in different situations is useful, it’s not equally easy for everyone to learn without explicit discussion. The child should definitely be supported to wear what they want while also building the skills to understand how that might be viewed.

You don’t say no because they are for girls. It doesn’t matter who they are generally aimed at

you say no because his feet are growing and the offer rubbish support and he needs and deserves proper kids shoes while he is still growing to ensure his feet don’t get damaged

I wouldn’t but ballet flats for a 5 year old… they need more structure and support

Your reasons are wrong, and you shouldn't really voice sexist views to children. But also you don't have to buy a child something just because they ask. Just because it's a wee boy wanting something stereotypically 'for girls' doesn't mean you need to rush out to facilitate it.

For weekends or short periods of time why not? I think they are not great for feet but for short times probably fine . I let my dc wear whatever they like while they were little it was a way for them to express themselves

I would have said they are not for children because they are bad for your feet, and left it at that.

I’ve read this thread before.

In what way are the feet of 6 yr old children different based on gender?