AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

Well said!

My son loves pink. Proper hot pink, loves it! Yes people have made comments, and they have been hurtful. So we discuss how all through life there will be a percentage of people who take issue with the hair/clothes/job/house/whatever of others and ultimately everyone has a choice. You can conform to their opinion/societal expectations or you can say 'I like this and it's okay for me to like it, you're welcome to your opinion but I disagree'. I remember a friend of mine being admonished by an old lady for dressing her baby daughter in blue. My friends response was 'but you're wearing blue'!

I've offered that he can switch from his hot pink rain coat to something more school colours, but he's decided that he likes his coat and so why not. Not breaking any school rules, and means he's visible by the road.

Proudest day ever when someone told me he'd responded to being asked if he was a girl (due to the coat) with something along the lines of that he likes it and that doesn't stop him being a boy, but then followed it up with something about this kids older sister being able to kick both their butts (she's really into kickboxing) and how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing (not verbatim what was said, I wasn't there, but that was the vibe). This is the type of human I want to raise, content in themselves, understanding that not everyone will like what you do and then choosing what to do and not do based on their own decisions. Sod the bullies.

The negative 'Like a girl' narrative starts so young.

s

Still would have vetoed the ballet flats though, for DS or DD. Naff all support or grip.

this. I have got extraordinarily wide feet. When I was a small child, some 65 years ago, the winter school shoes all the other girls had were too narrow for me so I had "boys' s shoes" The best pair I had were Bata Wayfinders with a compass hidden in the inside of the heel of the shoe. I am neither gay nor trans.

PS https://elht.nhs.uk/services/integrated-therapy-service/common-early-years-conditions/common-early-years-conditions

So much depressing engrained sexism on this thread.

I hope no one saying no to them is gender critical!

🤣🤣🤣

I came on thinking you were talking about a girl, and still would've said its a waste of money as theyre impractical for playing and not supportive for walking far.
Get him some crocs if he wants some slip on shoes for the garden.

It's worth understanding that boys and girls will always want to wear what they want, and the ones who aren't allowed by very strict parents are going to be the ones who really "wish they were the opposite sex" in order to do those things.

So, I'd allow it. You don't want your child wanting a BODY change just to wear certain clothes/shoes.

I think I'd do the same, except I would pay £40 - I'd get him a pair second hand

As somene who has fitted childrens shoes for over 20 years tere is very little difference between boys feet and girls feet except boys are slightly wider on average. That said you can have girls with wide feet and boys with narrow. Clarks do kids trainers in many different colours and the size doesn't change just because it's pink or blue.
I have wide feet and often wear mens trainers as they fit better. As long as the shoes fit then it wouldn't bother me what the style was.
That said I wouldn't put slip on shoes on a child that small as they will not fit and are not good for running around in. If there is decent growing room they will slip and otherwise will last 5 mins. You don't want them gripping the shoes with their toes to keep them on as they will get calluses on the tops of their toes and could permanently damage growing feet.

So be a good little boy and conform ?

That's what you're teaching

"Don't step outside the box because the world might be cruel. It's not the bully's fault they are being cruel, it's yours for daring to express yourself"

I voted Yanbu on the basis that ballet flats are not supportive enough for a 6 year old’s feet.

1. Not all ballet flats are pink
2. Pink isn't just for girls
3. What do you think male ballet dancers wear?

And ballet pumps aren't for girls

I'd say if the "climate" is bad, challenge it!

I've buzzcut my hair, to show the girls at school it's perfectly fine, I'm still a mummy, I haven't changed sex!

My DD has had “boys” shoes but my DS never had girls shoes as girls shoes can be more flimsy/ not always practical for a 6 year old. If he really wanted pink trainers, I’d say yes.
Unlike pp I think girls and boys feet are the same.

It's weird you support stereotyping.

My son wears what he wants, and being preemptive of bullying is overproctection. He's never been bullied for what he wears. In fact, when he wears pink, girls just love it, and boys are impressed because they like pink too (who doesn't) but aren't brave enough to wear it.

Whatever he wears, he's still a boy due to his biology alone!

Cars and Lego aren't for boys (there's a big thing at the moment about Let Her Build from Lego)

By your logic we shouldn't ever question stereotypes or try to challenge them because people might mock and instead should just conform

What a sad state of affairs

You are his mother. If you don't want him to have them, for ANY reason, say no! Kids cannot just get whatever they want!

The issue is you’re setting your kid up to be bullied in later life. Or now.

I would have bought him a pair, but explained how they don't give very good support for feet because of their flat construction, and therefore they were to be used as 'house shoes' for padding about the house in rather than as regular shoes. He'd have had a regular pair of shoes for outdoors/school.
I'd have said just the same to a 6 year old girl.

And I'm in my 60s, my parenting days were long before all this gendering/trans or whatever debate was raging.

I’d have got him a cheap pair to play dressing up with at home
I would have done the same for a girl, they’re not the type of shoe I’d want any child wearing for long periods of time

Putting aside how bad they are for feet, can you articulate why a boy shouldn't wear pink ballet flats if he likes them or a girl a pair of black trainers with spiderman on the side?

Don't you think that's part of how we got into the trans pickle, girls thinking they must be male if they want to wear clothes designed for boys, and vice versa?

I voted YANBU simply because ballet flats are terrible for children’s feet. They need shoes which are supportive and that they don’t have to curl up their toes to stop them from slipping off their feet.

Its actually interesting to read the opinions of others.

There definitely are trainers, usually black, sold in boys sections in shoe shops, so the point was valid.

It's 2026, for gods sakes, are mothers still making these decisions on the basis that the target market was gender orientated?

Huge difference in trainers and 'girly' flats.

Trainers also come in all shapes and colours for both boys and girls. But ballet flats in pink are obviously for girls.

But you do you. We can all choose what we would and wouldn't buy for kids without judgement from other parents