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Original poster

AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

286 replies

HannahW2768 · 22/03/2026 22:46

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this?
My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself
I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

OP posts:
icantbelievet23432 · 23/03/2026 09:37

DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:29

Of course not, but they can and do represent something of it. Partly why it's uncomfortable and weird when we see men in dresses. It's not that there's anything wrong with those clothes per se. But they're misrepresenting themselves.

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Yes, that's cos it's often used a fetish or for making fun of women.

but look at eg Rupaul or Jeffre Star, they look wonderful and not weird at all, because, for them, they just love the clothes for real

DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:37

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Oh no! I'm outdated! 😱😂

I will, thanks.

ContentedAlpaca · 23/03/2026 09:37

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:32

So if the same 6 year old boy wanted to go to a friend's birthday party wearing ballet flats & a tutu people think thats ok. Call me what you like but my son wouldn't be leaving the house dressed like that.

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And this is why you have to tread carefully op. Some parties it would be absolutely not out of the ordinary for a boy to be wearing those shoes and others, the parents running it and possibly some of the children there would be a lot more, for want of a better word, 'traditional'.

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:35

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Tonissister · 23/03/2026 09:35

Duckyfondant · 22/03/2026 22:52

Girls' and boys' feet are not the same. Nothing wrong with making that clear at a young age.

But they wreck girls' feet too. Does that matter less? It used to really puzzle me that boys had sturdy shoes in winter but girls trailed into school with freezing soaking wet feet from their horrible uniform-approved ballet flats.

Original poster
HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:34

canisquaeso · 23/03/2026 06:12

Is he into fashion? Ballet?

This is the first time he has ever taken an interest in anything fashion that wasn't a Halloween costume

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FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:34

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FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:34

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Original poster
HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:33

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 00:41

YABU for instilling archaic gender norms in him at that age. Shoes don't have a gender

Ballet flats aren't suitable shoes for that age and you don't need to buy kids everything they ask for but making it about "these shoes are for girls and people won't like you wearing them" is regressive behaviour

Yeah i kinda regret my reasons I said no to them and mostly said them as was panicking and rushed it but wouldn't want him growing up thinking that might be for girls so he can't have it

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DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:32

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Okay.

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:32

Newusername0 · 23/03/2026 08:05

I wouldn’t let any of my children wear ballet flats because there is no support whatsoever and they’re shit! But I wouldn’t use the argument of ‘he’s a boy, so must wear boy stuff’! That’s a very outdated position.

So if the same 6 year old boy wanted to go to a friend's birthday party wearing ballet flats & a tutu people think thats ok. Call me what you like but my son wouldn't be leaving the house dressed like that.

Imdunfer · 23/03/2026 09:32

DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:29

Of course not, but they can and do represent something of it. Partly why it's uncomfortable and weird when we see men in dresses. It's not that there's anything wrong with those clothes per se. But they're misrepresenting themselves.

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What century do you live in?

My clothes do not represent my gender. You cannot "misrepresent" yourself in the way you are suggesting.

This is entirely cultural, many cultures have men in skirts.

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:31

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Original poster
HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:31

LadyHester · 22/03/2026 22:49

Why on earth not? Unless you would turn down the request from th same aged girl on tb grounds that they are bad for young feet.

Yeah all these replies have made me think maybe should get him similar shoes that are appropriate as I'm finding out ballet flats arent the best for little kids

OP posts:
Original poster
HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:30

CrocusesFlowering · 22/03/2026 22:48

What was his reaction when you said no?

He seemed upset when I said no and why for about half an hour until we got home and he went on his Nintendo switch

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DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:29

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Of course not, but they can and do represent something of it. Partly why it's uncomfortable and weird when we see men in dresses. It's not that there's anything wrong with those clothes per se. But they're misrepresenting themselves.

ContentedAlpaca · 23/03/2026 09:26

Honestly? My kids would have had the shoes if they were inexpensive as they probably wouldn't be worn much. They also had dress up - both captain America, buzz light-year etc plus tutus and princess and witch dresses.

That was back when clothes were clothes and toys were toys. Now some people think men putting on a dress and a bit of lippy makes them a woman and I think the nuance of the decision has changed. I don't think it has been helped by stereotyping clothes and toys.

With an awareness that wearing them to school may result in bullying or people suggesting it means more than that he just wanted some shoes like mammy, I think I would have still got him them for dress up but said he couldn't wear them to school as he needed 'school shoes' for that.

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:25

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DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:24

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:13

how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing

I think this bit is extra important

Why is a boy wearing pink/"girly" clothes being called a girl an insult? Because being a girl is a bad thing?

This thread is depressingly encouraging this opinions

It's not that it's a bad thing. It's just that it's not what he is.

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:24

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FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:24

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Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:23

Sending a 6 year old boy to school wearing ballet flats is a recipe for bullying.I would have no hesitation in saying no.

DreamyScroller · 23/03/2026 09:22

For the slow ones on here.... A boy wearing ballet shoes is not the same as a girl wearing a blue t-shirt or football shoes.

And while no one wants to be rigid or forceful with what is and isn't 'allowed' for the sexes, how about some standards, still? We're not in the gender-neutral dystopian equity blob yet.

YetAnotherAlias62 · 23/03/2026 09:21

Same as PP say, ballet flats are pretty bad for your feet so I wouldn't be buying them for myself and definitely not for a child whose feet are still developing, whether that's a boy or a girl.
If they were another type of shoe with good support for young feet, yes - I'd buy them if he wanted them - I'm not sure most people would actually notice!

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:13

how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing

I think this bit is extra important

Why is a boy wearing pink/"girly" clothes being called a girl an insult? Because being a girl is a bad thing?

This thread is depressingly encouraging this opinions

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