Page 6 | AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

HannahW2768 · 2026-03-22T22:46:54+00:00

Hello dont know if chose correct topic but am I wrong/unreasonable for this? My son who is almost 6 years old was with me when I went into clarks to buy myself some work shoes the other day and he really really liked the pair of ballet flats I got and said he wants a pair like them for himself I told him no as these are for girls and people may not like him wearing them but was that wrong to do and should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 10:39

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canisquaeso · 23/03/2026 10:35

HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:34

This is the first time he has ever taken an interest in anything fashion that wasn't a Halloween costume

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I would try to ask him where the interest came from. He might just like the look really, or he might like that it’s ballet related, which then is worth exploring.

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 10:33

Coffeeandbooks88 · 23/03/2026 10:25

Why discourage it? Why not let them wear it? Most boys have a phase for dressing in princess dresses etc. They grow out of it. I wouldn't make a fuss about it.

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Perhaps so & nothing wrong with that but would you be happy for a boy to attend school in a princess dress on non uniform days.Ridiculous.

BillieWiper · 23/03/2026 10:32

Mammut · 22/03/2026 23:33

I’m pretty sure they are the same??? In what way are they different? Ballet flats are no good for children of either sex.

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Yeah. This. Prepubescent children's bodies are virtually identical bar the genitals? Kids feet are just feet. I remember Clarks had a girly shoe and a 'boys' style of trainer with space things on it. And I had both.

Newusername0 · 23/03/2026 10:31

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:32

So if the same 6 year old boy wanted to go to a friend's birthday party wearing ballet flats & a tutu people think thats ok. Call me what you like but my son wouldn't be leaving the house dressed like that.

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Yes, if my 6 year old son wanted to wear a tutu I would let him. I’m sorry you think that would make him less somehow, but that’s a you issue.

Coffeeandbooks88 · 23/03/2026 10:25

TigTails · 22/03/2026 22:53

YANBU. It’s actually ok (though a bit unfashionable) to discourage boys from wearing clothes made for girls. It’s ok for them to know that they are different. Equal, but different.

Why discourage it? Why not let them wear it? Most boys have a phase for dressing in princess dresses etc. They grow out of it. I wouldn't make a fuss about it.

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 10:20

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Is there anything wrong with it? No
Is it a good look for a boy,or a man unless they are genuinely trans or a drag queen? NO

This is my opinion. Thankfully there is a movement towards change in this respect. Allow boys to be boys and girls to be girls & embrace their differences, including the way they dress.

Sesma · 23/03/2026 10:12

YABU to not come back to your thread

icantbelievet23432 · 23/03/2026 10:11

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:58

No I don't think it would make him gay or trans & I see nothing wrong in either if thats how they are. I wouldn't encourage a boy to attend a party in a a tutu & ballet flats any more than I'd like to go on a night out with my husband wearing a dress. This idea of children getting a thought in their heads & everything being acceptable is what's wrong. Children need guidance in all aspects of life including their choice of clothing. Playing dress up in the house is different to how they present themselves in general at such a young age. I also believe there are parents who actively encourage eg the tutu idea for their sons just for attention & to create controversy.

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I can understand where you're coming from. it's how those fetishists get away with womanface and gimp gear in public. but i'm glad we don't need to wear suits/proper dresses everyday like they used to in the 60's. and kids wearing normal clothes in public/a bday party is not exactly the same as an adult wearing indecent clothes a formal setting. a kilt can look very good on a man at a wedding, but a man in a sexy maid dress is very wrong.

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 10:08

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NameChange0101010101 · 23/03/2026 10:08

Darkladyofthesonnets · 23/03/2026 00:47

I support trans rights far more than is generally the case on mumsnet. I wouldn't have bought the ballet flats though - at his age he is unaware of the reception he might get wearing them. There is a huge amount of discrimination against trans people who don't easily pass and if I could dissuade a child from exploring this idea I would - for their sake.

For fucks sake they're shoes.

Its got nothing to do with 'exploring his gender'🙄 he probably doesn't know what gender is!

(Leaving aside the issue of them being bad for feet), this is why I would not let a boy wear obviously girly things - some people will make stupid comments about his gender which would be confusing for a 6 year old.

Let kids be kids without giving them silly ideas.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 23/03/2026 10:07

It’d be a firm no from me. Unless they’re for ballet, such flats are terrible for anyone’s feet. However if he’d like ballet lessons, he can have a pair for the purpose.

PurpleNightingale · 23/03/2026 10:07

I bought a pair of girls trainers for my son before. He really wanted glittery shoes, they were in shades of blue and green as well as sparkly so I felt they looked fine. They were well made and practical for climbing and running and playing though. I avoid ballet flats for my daughter unless its dress up/ a party so I would discourage my son on the basis they limit kids from having fun.

AnnaQuayRules · 23/03/2026 10:05

YABU for saying no on the grounds he's a boy.

But they are crap for growing feet and I wouldn't buy them for a child of either sex

Mulledjuice · 23/03/2026 10:05

Duckyfondant · 22/03/2026 22:52

Girls' and boys' feet are not the same. Nothing wrong with making that clear at a young age.

How do they differ?

icantbelievet23432 · 23/03/2026 10:03

godmum56 · 23/03/2026 09:58

intersting though that that comment was what came out of your mouth when you were flustered and rushed........

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it's a completely normal reaction, this sort of thing has been ingrained into us from childhood. it takes more thoughts to get out of it.

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:58

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No I don't think it would make him gay or trans & I see nothing wrong in either if thats how they are. I wouldn't encourage a boy to attend a party in a a tutu & ballet flats any more than I'd like to go on a night out with my husband wearing a dress. This idea of children getting a thought in their heads & everything being acceptable is what's wrong. Children need guidance in all aspects of life including their choice of clothing. Playing dress up in the house is different to how they present themselves in general at such a young age. I also believe there are parents who actively encourage eg the tutu idea for their sons just for attention & to create controversy.

godmum56 · 23/03/2026 09:58

HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:33

Yeah i kinda regret my reasons I said no to them and mostly said them as was panicking and rushed it but wouldn't want him growing up thinking that might be for girls so he can't have it

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intersting though that that comment was what came out of your mouth when you were flustered and rushed........

lemoncurdcupcake · 23/03/2026 09:51

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:13

how she wouldn't really like hearing him saying being a girl like it's a bad thing

I think this bit is extra important

Why is a boy wearing pink/"girly" clothes being called a girl an insult? Because being a girl is a bad thing?

This thread is depressingly encouraging this opinions

right?! Seems some people have not evolved from 1993

Girls can wear jeans and cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots, 'cause it's okay to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading

Pffft.

Choccyp1g · 23/03/2026 09:48

FrenchBunionSoup · 22/03/2026 23:54

They are wider on average.

And according to Google "boys' shoes are generally designed with a wider last, greater foot volume, and flatter, broader toe boxes compared to girls' shoes"

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In other words, boys shoes are foot-shaped, unlike most girls/womens' shoes

FineDayForCricket · 23/03/2026 09:44

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Labelledelune · 23/03/2026 09:42

BeenChangedForGood · 22/03/2026 22:54

@HannahW2768 I really hate the “they’re for girls” thing 🙄🙄 I have a DS the same age and he picks and wears what he likes - what’s the issue with it?!

That being said - I would have said no to the ballet flats for both boys and girls on the grounds that they’re terrible for little feet & completely impractical for playing in 🤷🏻‍♀️

fo you buy him dresses?

Rainbowcat77 · 23/03/2026 09:41

Well ballet flats aren’t great for any six year old to attend school in or to do anything that involves running around in. I’d explain that rather than start with all the “not for boys, people will disapprove” nonsense.
maybe get him a cheap pair that he can wear around the house/have as part of his dressing up box if he chooses. He just wants to be like his mum at the moment, please don’t try to turn this into something bigger.

Arosewithnothorns · 23/03/2026 09:41

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The next time my DH is shopping for a new suit for work I'll say to him how about a dress. I can imagine his reaction. 😂

icantbelievet23432 · 23/03/2026 09:40

HannahW2768 · 23/03/2026 09:34

This is the first time he has ever taken an interest in anything fashion that wasn't a Halloween costume

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Bring him with you though to choose - you never know he might have changed his mind already 😂