AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

Would you have bought him other Clark’s shoes on a whim?

When I was that ageI needed/wanted glittery jelly shoes. THOSE are bad for your feet. Eventually my mum got me a cheap pair and made it clear they were play shoes and not every day shoes. I’d get my kids (both boys) sparkly ballet flats for toys. My oldest often chooses purple sneakers sometimes with glitter. I have no problem with that.

Not good for children's feet I remember my daughter wanting them for school shoes years ago id say No !! No matter what gender there not supportive enough for small children growing feet x

On reflection it's undeniable drag queens if popular can become celebrities & make a fortune. Perhaps the parents who support & encourage their boys to go out in princess dresses etc aren't so ridiculous after all. Definitely not for me though but each to their own.

I wouldn't have said they are for girls but I would have said they are only for grown-ups as they don't fit or stay on children's feet well. My daughter's aren't allowed then yet either.

I wouldn't discourage wearing a "girl's" item in general at that age, but I wouldn't let a young child of either sex wear ballet flats because they're just unhealthy, impractical and won't last long. Since you wear them yourself, you're best bet would probably be to claim that they're unhealthy specifically when your feet are still growing. (And consider getting a more supportive version yourself - FitFlop do quite good ones. )

My son wore dresses off and on, costumes mainly, colourful sparkly trainers etc. he's 8 and has never been bullied and is really a very popular child. He still often chooses a 'girlier' accessory like pink pencil cases etc. Loves anything with unicorns on. Doesn't seem to be doing him any harm

This may be a bit controversial but I think it depends on the child. My DS likes to dress up and sometimes dresses up as a princess (I’m pretty sure he likes the feeling of the netting stuff because he’s always rubbing his face on it). We don’t allow him to go out in them because honestly, if he got picked on for it he wouldn’t be able to handle it. He’s pretty shy and sensitive. We are working on it and once he’s a bit more assertive and able to stand up for himself I won’t give a fuck what he wears but right now given how he is it’s not worth the trouble. I probably wouldn’t let him have ballet flats, also they’re bad for your feet.

I feel perhaps you're the slow one on here. Why are 'girls' clothes on boys not maintaining standards? Why are 'girly' things inferior?

If I'm hit with an unexpected question from my little ones I just say something like "oh good question, let's make a note and think about it"
Then it avoids any knee jerk responses I may regret and let's us potentially discuss later (once I've played through the scenarios in my head)
For cheap things/tat from The Works my response is usually "sure have you got enough money though?"

Yeah I agree. Ballet pumps are ok for an occasion, my wee girl had some sparkly ones for a wedding and wears to princess parties but that's it. Otherwise it's trainers or proper shoes

I saw something on socials where they called them the 'practical section' and the 'colourful section', which I thought was a nice spin! I often shop in the mens bit if I want a longer t shirt or more robust fabrics!

My daughters friend had a princess party, her whole nursery class was there, 2 of the boys wore princess costumes. My son at pre school age loved dressing up. He still has the massive box of costumes, he had paw patrol, spidey characters, a fairy costume in rainbow colours with tutu and a red dress from the girl in sing who sings taylor swift songs, he also had a leather jacket of another character. He wore what he wanted. He's 8 now, he entirely wears standard 'boy' clothes these days maybe 99% of the time, he occasionally asks for 'gitlier' accessories like a care bear lunch bag, sparkly pens, gabby dollhouse water bottle and that's all fine. He had some sparkly rainbow shoes for a while from the girl range, he was a big fan of rainbows for ages so wore rainbow themed things a lot. I'd no more say no to him than I would to my daughter wanting to attend a super hero party as spidey

I'd have said no, but I'd also have said no to a DD. I'd probably have stuck with "we're not buying shoes for you today", or maybe pointed out the limited times they would use them (not suitable for playing or school, only really an option with a dress at a party)

You have done the right thing.
It's just common sense that there is a boys' range and a girls' range and also a unisex range - like riding boots and runners..

However take him into the fashion shoe section for boys and let him try on some casual shoes that he likes

I agree with others that may be he simply like the look of the shoe and the ease of pulling it on or off - would something like the flat elasticated front plimsolls we all seemed to have worn, regardless of sex, in the 1980s at primary school appeal?

As a grown woman I frequently wear men's shoes. No one ever comments.

I would have just said no, because they’re rubbish shoes for any little feet and also if you don’t need to buy something, it’s perfectly acceptable to say no. In fact I think it’s essential that kids don’t get every little thing they want.

Surely he just saw some shoes that were pretty or eye catching, boys love that as much as girls, and wanted them in the same way he might want a toy or sweets. He’s 5, it means nothing beyond a child wanting something.
You don’t need to go into gender woo at all. A simple no, we’re not buying them is fine.
DS12 loved putting on my heels playing dress up when he was small. His size 11 flippers don’t get the chance now, to be fair he’s not asked since he was about 5. He is not at all confused as to his maleness.

I would say no regardless of sex . Poor support and protection.

Societal norms still exist as much as you may not want them to. I’d never let my son wear girl’s clothing as culturally, he’d be bullied which is a worse outcome for him than being told no with the explanation.

Also, kids are fickle and will switch to something else if guided carefully.

What doesn’t need to be encouraged?

I would say that children don’t need to be pushed into gender stereotypes at a young age or indeed any age.

@Labelledelune He’s never asked other than for costumes - so no, I haven’t. He’s 5yo and able to read so is very aware of the girls/boys division that usually signed in shops. He will often ask for T-shirts or trousers from the girls section because he likes the colours better or the design on the graphic t-shirts etc. He did ask for a nightie once for bed which I bought for him as we were shopping for pyjamas anyway. He wore it once and decided he didn’t like it as it kept riding up in bed and he didn’t like that it didn’t have “bottoms”. He asked to give it to his friend (female) who he knows likes wearing dresses and decided it wasn’t something he liked wearing himself 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's be a no from me on wearing them from a foot health POV. However from a social POV it's just bits of material you're covering your body with. If you can't be free to express yourself and experiment with gender and social conformity when you're 6 then when the heck can you?! Childhood and adolescence is exactly the age when children should be learning about and finding their place within social norms. If he goes to school and is teased then he will have to make a decision as to whether his fashion preferences are worth being teased about. If they aren't he'll conform, if it's important to him then some of the most interesting pop artists as just one example are none-conforming with lots of things including gender stereotypes (David Bowie, Annie Lennox, Pink... you get my point) I think it's perfectly reasonable to warn him that most people see certain items as 'for girls' and warn him that he may get teased but if he thinks they'll make him feel good then you will support him to wear them. I think a blanket 'absolutely not they're for girls' is more likely to have the opposite effect as what you intend and blur the lines even more between gender stereotypes and clinical gender/sexuality.