AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

Of course you shouldn’t give in. He probably doesn’t even want them. More than half of the stuff young children “want” is just them noticing something and fancying it for a second. They don’t actually want or need it, they just like it. And they will continue to like it for approximately seven minutes, at which point they will “want” something else that they lay eyes upon and forget about the other thing entirely. 😂

and you see nothing wrong with that situation? I suppose if the child's parents were Neanderthals I suppose it is an attractive quality in a partner even in 2026 I suppose

Because a girl wont metaphorically get 7 bells kicked out of her for wearing them!

So what clothes or shoes should we tell girls not to wear because they are for boys?

and yes 99% of the trans moden bandwagon nonsense I dont agree with but not once will I ever tell any child of mine they cant do something because other people let their children bully or tease others

parents educate your children not to tease not other way around

Putting aside whether they’re bad for feet… I think it’s right to tell him that this style is usually worn by girls. Kids that age are sensitive to social norms and it would be rubbish to get him shoes and then he’s surprised and upset by teasing. But I’d tell him it’s fine to wear clothes made for girls if he wants to. Because they are in fact just clothes.

MN has a weird habit of both insisting wearing "girls" clothes doesn't make you trans but a "man in a dress" and also insisting that boys can't wear "girls" clothes

@FrenchBunionSoup Erm…you actually think these things are there because boys’ feet and ‘wider’ and ‘need’ all that extra goodness but girls’ feet don’t? No. It is sexism. If you trusted shoe companies, you’d be certain girls feet are there only for looking pretty, not for being practical.

there is no physical difference that means a 6 year old boy can’t wear a pair of ballet pumps but girl’s can. The mum is being an arse. He expressed that something she had brought him joy and she shamed him for it. that sucks. Poor little thing.

Ironically she’s MORE likely to have triggered ideas of ‘I’m trans’ in him because she did that. He’s now thinking oh what I like is “girls stuff’ so I mustn’t be a good or proper boy… she’s not made him stop liking the shoes, just embarrassed him enough that it becomes a shameful secret. Good luck with that in ten years time.

They are just shoes. I think most of mumsnet would agree that wearing girls shoes doesn't make him a girl.

I support trans rights far more than is generally the case on mumsnet. I wouldn't have bought the ballet flats though - at his age he is unaware of the reception he might get wearing them. There is a huge amount of discrimination against trans people who don't easily pass and if I could dissuade a child from exploring this idea I would - for their sake.

YABU for instilling archaic gender norms in him at that age. Shoes don't have a gender

Ballet flats aren't suitable shoes for that age and you don't need to buy kids everything they ask for but making it about "these shoes are for girls and people won't like you wearing them" is regressive behaviour

Of course boys and girls are different, but as it’s not their clothes that make them different, I don’t see the problem in letting them wear what they like.

The notion of which clothes are ‘for boys’ and which are ‘for girls’ is completely arbitrary when they’re little, as pre-puberty boys and girls don’t have a different body shape and there’s no issue with clothes being cut differently.

If you’re going to tell a boy he can’t wear ballet pumps because they’re ’for girls’ you’d have to tell girls they can’t wear a blue t-shirt with a car on it because they’re ’for boys’, and it does girls no favours whatsoever to be repeatedly told that certain things aren’t for them.

I'd say no on the basis they are really impractical and terrible for your (his) feet.

But...but...they might make him trans!!!!! Fate worse than death on here.
Reminds me of "boys playing house will make them gay" from the 50s. Exact same playbook.

should I have said yes and got him similar pair in his size?

"Should" parents buy everything their children want just because they want it unless there's a reason not to?

How about "no, we're not buying shoes for you today"?

No need to go into any further detail, surely.

ETA, just to add that if you were to have got him a pair then yes, "in his size" would definitely have been optimal.

Terrible shoes for girls or boys of that age.

They are wider on average.

And according to Google "boys' shoes are generally designed with a wider last, greater foot volume, and flatter, broader toe boxes compared to girls' shoes"

I would have a look for some simple slip on plimsolls like these.

I'd say no. They have no support or structure. A hindrance to playing, restrict running and are unsafe.

I’m pretty sure they are the same??? In what way are they different? Ballet flats are no good for children of either sex.

So if a girl wanted to wear trainers she should be told no they are for boys you have to wear pink and ''girlie'' shoes only?

You are the adult. You make the choices!

I thought this was going to be about foot health for 5 year olds and read it for advice as I’d like to refuse requests like that from my dd if she starts making them, because they aren’t supportive shoes for active play.

what about the canvas plimsoll / sandshoe type? We have them in lots of nice prints for boys and girls

I think, like others, I'd probably have gone with 'these are for mummy not for you' - it's a bit weird to say 'people may not like you wearing them' and I don't think I would encourage a child to think other people get to influence how they dress (mainly because it's bloody pain when you get to the 'oh but everyone else gets to wear these mum!' stage).

I doubt many shoe shops sell ballet flats for children, so you'd likely struggle anyway.

Chances are he'd be just as happy with a pair of black plimsolls or similar, don't you think? Or you could ask him what he liked about them - it might be it was the colour or the little bow or something totally trivial. I remember DD desperately wanting to wear my bra when she was younger than your DS, and it turned out what she actually wanted was the little metal 'b' tag (Debenhams Ted Baker, remember?!) hanging off it, so I just snipped it off and let her keep it.

Not something I would encourage and not something I would want him to be picked on or bullied for. It would be a simple no.

Plenty of shoes in the boys section for boys. There is nothing wrong with saying it as it is.

I think you’ve done the right thing.