AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

I don’t agree with stereotyping clothes - he can wear what he wants when he is older.

I would have said no purely because they are not sensible shoes for a child regardless of their sex. I would have gone down that road as an explanation as to why he couldn’t have them.

Perhaps in the future it will be - 'but I want to wear girls clothes, so I must be a girl'?

I think you made a mistake personally.

Whether it’s shoes, days out or after school snack at 6 you get to decide and steer him to something more suitable for whatever reason.

What would your answer have been if you had purchased heels that he liked?

I wouldn’t of said people might not like him wearing them just left it as ‘no sweetie they are the girls shoes’

Ballet flats are impractical shoes for DC and best left for formal occasions not everyday wear so I wouldn’t buy them for a boy or a girl just because they randomly spotted some and asked. If we were actually shopping for some shoes for them to wear to a wedding/party then I’d maybe consider it. But in your case it’s easily shut down by you don’t need new shoes, we came here to buy shoes for mummy not for you and those are party shoes that you definitely don’t need right now. You don’t have to get into the ‘they’re for girls’ argument at all.

Fine to say no but because theyre not good for kids feet.

There was a brief moment where movements like let clothes be clothes were extremely popular. It was all about how girls or boys can wear clothes/ play with toys ‘for’ the opposite sex, and that was okay - didn’t change anything about them etc! It was breaking down sexist stereotypes.
However, sexist stereotypes are very much ‘in’ again, and this time he’ll have people telling him he’s really a girl! So no, unfortunately I don’t think you were being unreasonable given the climate. But I probably would’ve told him that theyre too expensive/ doesn’t need more. I think telling him things he wants are for girls, could make him feel some gender dysphoria. I know as a child I felt that way as I wanted Lego and cars which were for boys!

Surely gender stereotypes are an essential part of being trans gender.

How about :
No
You have plenty of shoes
I cant afford it
I want doesn't get

Why cant you be superman at a birthday party was my first thought too. Then I thought maybe because it might draw attention away from the birthday child?

I actually love seeing kids in outfits they've clearly chosen themselves when I'm out and about! Within common sense obviously eg a swimming costume in Tesco or a snowsuit in the middle of a heat wave are not good choices.

I wouldn’t allow them due to terrible foot support and having worn nothing but ballet flats or heels for the majority of my teens and 20s, I now have terrible issues with my feet. But I’d never have told him no as they’re for girls. If he ends up being in to more feminine things I’d never want him to feel I am shaming him. I’d not actively encourage it, but I wouldn’t make a big deal of it

Genuinely curious how they are different excluding size.

My dd has always chosen "boys" shoes because they were more comfortable and stayed on etc. From my pov they were always much sturdier and more practical.

Now she is a size 9 I'm glad she prefers "boys" shoes!

As others have already said, I would have just done down the route of although they sell them in children's sizes they aren't great for children's feet (unless you also have a daughter you allow to wear these shoes). I can't walk in them myself so wouldn't let my child have them. Watching girls at school flop about in them and constantly lose their foot in them (maybe as they are the wrong sizes, or maybe just because they lack any support) is enough to put me off them for children.

I would have just told him that they're not suitable for children because his feet are still growing and they offer no support around the foot.

I know you put random examples and to me school uniform is a rule that has to be followed

But why would it matter if a child wanted to wear a costume to a non fancy dress party? No i would not allow a a tee shirt and shorts if it was minus 20 and again actual rules need to be followed

But why are people so hung up on what children wear if practical is not important for the occasion

Is he into fashion? Ballet?

I didn’t say to tell him not to wear it but that it’s helpful to explain current social norms. Say a kid wanted to wear pajamas to a non uniform day at school, or wear a Superman outfit to a birthday party that’s not fancy dress, whatever, then I’d say something similar like that’s not what people will expect you to wear for whatever reason and you might get comments but you totally can if you want to. It’s not that you shouldn’t do something that others will comment on but it’s useful information. As a kid that never managed to read social expectations on my own I would have valued the heads up. Still would in many situations tbh.

Is your son Harry Styles? Or Dec from Ant and Dec? Assume this post is based on those recent examples of men wearing ballet flats. Or has your son been inspired?

No. There is no significant difference between the feet of boys and girls of this age.

The difference in shoe design for children of this age is sexism.

That's it.

Boys are given robust, well constructed and supportive shoes to enable them to run, climb and play etc safely to protect their r feet and support their play.

Girls are provided with less substantial shoes that are unsupportive and don't facilitate active play to discourage girls from running, climbing etc and to encourage quieter and more feminine play.

That is all.

I'd also have said no.

Ballet flats are terrible for young children's feet - unsupportive and impractical.

My response would have been along those lines to both of my children at that age - the male one and the female one.

YANBU for not buying your child something when you've gone into a shop to buy something for you unless he's in need of new shoes. It's important for them to hear no.

I think my response would be, "Mummy needs shoes for X reason. You don't need any today because you have X pair and X pair." and not even got into the gender issue.

If you had been shopping for him, I'd have gently informed him that those shoes were normally for girls. Although it's possible he might get unkind comments or funny looks from some people, if it's something he really likes, he could still have them. I'd take him to look at others and tell him we could go back for them in a week or two if he didn't change his mind (unless he'd be wearing them all the time - in which case could go down the "bad for growing feet" line.

100% agree

Because he is a boy and not only will he look ridiculous he will be ridiculed by his peers. Social groups are extremely important to children.

I’d judge any parent who lets a child wear ballet pumps as a shit parent. Who’d do that to their child’s feet?

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