AIBU to say no when my nearly 6-year-old wants ballet flats?

Yes you’re right that they have different bodies - my point was more that girls’ feet are no better equipped to wear shoes that aren’t good for feet than boys are. So if you’ll put girls in them there’s literally no reason you shouldn’t put boys in. Because those shoes have no support, no shape, no contouring, they’re not designed for feet in anyway other than having something between the floor and your foot skin.

So a girl is not going to be benefitting from those while a boy is getting his feet screwed up - both boys and girls will get screwy feet from them.

There is huge overlap in individuals between male and female anatomy, an overlap which is far greater before puberty and I'm sure that overlap is absolutely enormous in the case of 6 year old children's feet.

Could you point to what research suggests that 6 year olds' feet differ by sex, and how?

Feel free to Google. But if you do so with your filter firmly set at “I’m right” no doubt you’ll find information to back you up.

As other posters have said, ballet flats are terrible for most people of either sex. I have never bought them for me or my DD for that reason.

I don’t understand your logic here. By not allowing boys to wear non boyish clothes their ability to express themselves is diminished.

So tell me how a 5 year old boys foot is different from a 5 year old girls foot @disappearingfish ? Or alternatively, how is a ballet flat shoe designed so that its wearable by a whole range of girls but not a single boy?

Male and female anatomy, including feet, are different from birth and detectable when babies start walking. Good shoe brands should take that into account.

Women are not just small men. Their physiology is fundamentally different to men’s and the differences start in early childhood. Unfortunately it is always recognised in product design.

Had a quick look before lights out to see where I made a mistake in my last post. It's obvious I meant 'don't hold the belief' & not hold the belief but I agree a post has to be correct if an opinion is to be properly understood.

Just correcting typos

id you type what you meant to type?

I'm sure the posters who basically don't approve of school age boys wearing dresses & bows to school on non uniform days hold the belief it would make them gay or trans, nor would they be bothered if they were.

Its about far more than that. It's about boys being free to express themselves with an identity that separates them from girls & vice versa. Although they have similarities & should be treated as equals, boys & girls will in the vast majority of cases always be different to each other & they should be respected for those differences.

My son wanted sparkly pink jelly shoes when aged 4. I didn’t buy them because they weren’t very practical. I did let him wear nail polish and bracelets to school when he was about 7 or 8. My friend’s son wore a princess dress constantly for a while. Neither were bullied nor are they now trans or gay. I wouldn’t care if they were though! I think this thread is a bit sad tbh.

I was an oddball at school and still am years later. I was bullied regardless of whether I was trying to fit in or not, so I gave up.

I would have been inclined to say they’re adult shoes rather than making him feel ashamed for liking them as a boy… They’re not really suitable for young children after all, they’re flimsy and awful when it rains.

I think it depends. I think people DO care when it affects them or their children's choices. At that point it goes to crab bucket brain...."don't rock the boat or you will get bullied" or a more supportive and open attitude or of course "playing witll dolls will make your son gay"

None of these make fashion ballet flats better for your feet though!

My thought on gendered norms is that people are entitled to make their own choices but not other people's

There are immeasurable ways to exert individuality without making a clown of yourself. I dont think anyone here is expecting children to be void of personality or act like robots which appears to be inferred by the replies supporting school boys in princess dresses & balley flats. If a child said they wished to rock up to school in non uniform days wearing nothing but their underwear & a bow in their hair, according to many of the posters this would be entirely acceptable. After all they are just daring to be 'different' which should be celebrated.

I don’t think it’s sad. Difference is good! The more “oddballs” there are the less bullying there will be.

i was raised to not do anything that didn’t conform. It’s boring, restrictive, and as an adult I am missing out on so much because I can’t bring myself to take a risk, even a small one.

kids don’t “humiliate themselves”. Society humiliates anyone daring to be different.

would you have told Ruby Bridges parents to conform to societal norms? That she would be “humiliated”? I’d hate to think where society would be if brave people like them didn’t stand up and do something very different.

I meant to add to my last post 'on non uniform day' too.late to edit

It's sad to see so many parents encouraging their children to be oddballs at school. Children need parental guidance and to be kept from hurting or humiliating themselves.

The day the vast majority of school age boys beg their parents to attend school wearing ballet flats, or a Princess dress including ribbons & bows in their hair there will be a blue moon in the sky. There will always be the very odd exception in the early years of school but that's exactly how it will stay. I find it intriguing & strange there are parents who would actively encourage it. There are plenty of brightly coloured clothes around in the boys section of stores without making them appear like a fairy princess.

Lol so what you are saying its fine for women and girls to break gender norms but boys need to be kept in their box.

Insisting that boys only dress in stereotypical ways regardless of their personal preference is the definition of adults inflicting their issues on their child.

No, not unreasonable, you weren't buying shoes for him. You could get some secondhand clothes, shoes etc for dressing up play, a lot of children enjoy that.

I wouldn’t buy them for any six year old and would have said no because they’re unsuitable for children and not very comfortable.

It would be a hard no from me. Probably followed quickly with a trip to "The Works" 😂

Not only would they be awful for his ( any child's ) feet, 6 isn't old enough to appreciate and be willing to accept the consequences of wearing girls shoes at school. Kids can be so cruel.

Emotionally developed enough to not care a hoot whilst being himself, then fine. But for the sake of his social safety and his little feet. Not at 6.

Societal norms still exist as much as you may not want them to.

Well, they only exist for as long as society upholds them. Modern gender norms are much different today than other times in history.

Do most people even want change? With all the issues in the world I think most people don’t really care that we have certain norms for women and men. While there’s still a divide it’s less strict than it was. I really find no issue with going out without makeup and wearing masculine clothing, for example.

I think parents have to be careful not to inflict issues on their child in the name of being progressive.