Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

Can the boyfriends parents help out on this! I would make it clear that she will not be living with you when the baby arrives.

If you want to help her.
Suggest you could help her out with a short term repayable loan as a one month rent/deposit on a small one bedroom flat.

Get a proper legal letter written up.
She really needs to grow up and start paying her way She ounds very entitled with unreal expectations.

All the best.
🤞

A grandchild , that’s wonderful 😍 but the living situation isn’t ideal .
I would keep your promise to have them stay with you for the short term .
I think you might find they want to move out to their own place as soon as practical .
Reason I’m saying this is because I was in a similar sort of situation where I had to stay at my in-laws .
I didn’t ask for help at all with the baby because I didn’t want them to feel I was bothering them .
I managed by myself , helped around the house lots , helped with pets and their teenage kids .
i was desperate to get back into our own home with just my husband and our baby

Well, that's just too bad isn't it? They might not want that but ultimately, it isn't their house so they don't get the final say.

Again, something they should've thought of before happily announcing the pregnancy to OP without seemingly any plan but for OP to solve the issue they have created.

@icreatedascene I wouldn't give them the choice!
You have to learn sooner or later in life that "You burn your arse, you have to sit on the blister."

The sooner they get on the list the better then and I can speak from experience having worked for the council that you don’t actually have to stay at the B&B
You can literally just appear to and live elsewhere and remaining a priority on the list

The daughter and her partner are highly unlikely to want to give up their room in OPs for a room in a B&B with a shared kitchen. Even if they were, depending where they are in the UK, the wait could be years anyway.

I know many will shoot me down in flames here but I wouldn't accept the assumption that DD baby will do early years back living at home. They seem thrilled, so likely this was planned- so why haven't they planned somewhere to stay?
All the self employed means they can't get a tenancy is nonsense, they will probably have to compromise (but what is moving back in with your Mum , if it's not compromise. If I were you I would feel like I had been ambushed.
Your DD and her partner have made decisions they are not in a position to make , without asking you first- the definition of an ambush.

Sounds like you’re the one who needs to get a grip. People aren’t wrong just because they have a different opinion than you.These two young people have behaved extremely irresponsibly and being excited about a pregnancy when he’s just gone self employed, she’s on minimum wage and they don’t have a home just proves exactly how immature and detached from reality they are. Even if ultimately their parents wouldn’t see them down and out, the first response should definitely be ok, what’s your plan? It’s not anything to be excited about, it’s a fuck up of monumental proportions and that fact doesn’t need sugar coating.

Get them to approach the council so they can be emergency housed and wait for a permanent home. It depends on what area you are whether things will progress quickly or not. You will have to say to the council they cannot live with you so they can be declared unintentionally homeless, otherwise council wont help.

I was in just that position...daughter,her husband and baby moved in with me for 2 years. I think it gave them a great start.
It was hard work for all of us but honestly I look back fondly to those days.

@teamaven There is no reason as to why your child would be homeless - they can take responsibility and house themselves rather than living with you?
Young people are too reliant on the "goodwill" of parents these days and I do think it makes them more likely to make irresponsible decisions.
I categorically knew that if I got pregnant (accidentally) at a young age it would quite rightly be down to me (and my partner) to find somewhere to live - social housing/temporary housing/any housing. The responsibility would be mine. We would both have to work to pay the bills and make ends meet as best we could.
I would never have expected to up-end my parents' lives with my own foolish decisions.

No, you’re wrong. Unless my child had committed a heinous crime there is no situation in which I would not move hell and high water to help them or let them live in my house, even if it meant I had to turn my living room into a bedroom. There is no situation in which I would have my child or grandchild be homeless or in a bed sit or hostel. Get a grip

@Pollqueen Did your daughter and her partner move in with you? For how long?

You are me 12 years ago when my youngest DD announced her pregnancy at 23 with no settled career and tenuous living conditions. In fact I went further and was gutted

12 years on, my DGC is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine a world without her in it. There were some hairy moments and DD struggled at times, but it all came right in the end as I am sure it will with your DD

@catchingup1 Agreed.
And it would appear the OP's daughter and her partner decided for her to get pregnant knowing full well about their precarious housing position.
They now have the responsibility of housing not only themselves, but their baby.

No one’s saying people stop caring about their kids at 18. But caring about them doesn’t automatically mean you can, or should, let them move back in with a partner and a baby. That’s a huge ask, and for some households it would cause stress, overcrowding, or tension with other children.

Also, there’s a difference between “you’re always welcome in my life” and “you can move back in whenever you want.” Those aren’t the same thing.

Part of growing up is taking responsibility for your own choices. Parents can support, guide, and help where they can, but they’re not there to carry everything indefinitely. Sometimes setting a boundary is actually the more sensible, long-term supportive thing to do.

The bit about kids not visiting if parents don’t let them move back in is dramatic as well. Most adult relationships with parents come down to how they treat each other overall, not one decision like this.

It’s great your parents could always do that, but not everyone is in the same position. Everyone doesn't have to be like your parents. You do understand that in your 40+ years of living that people are different right?

It's absolutely not up to you to house them. Now your daughter is pregnant that is the responsibility of both herself and her partner. Their baby, not yours.

In this case, what assets?

I wouldn't be encouraging my 21 year old to rush into a marriage just because she happens to be pregnant.

Why would you not want to marry the parent of your child? There are plenty of benefits to being married. It shows you are serious about the relationship and have made a formal commitment and contract with each other. It gives you rights should the relationship break down-how many times have you heard of someone being left vulnerable-and it tends to be the woman-because they have no rights over assets and support-so important when there are children involved. I’d be upset if my dd had a baby without being married.Thankfully, she feels the same as me.

Sorry not the person saying they would tell their own child they can’t stay with them and ‘how selfish of them to think they can stay with you’? Your own flesh and blood. Mmmmmkay

Hi OP, new mum here! I am an older mum! :) so totally get you. There is kids stuff EVERYWHERE…I love my child more than I can say buy living with a young child is stressful so I don’t blame you for feeling that way. I am generally not one to push a child out. I will not be charging my child rent ever if she chooses to live in our/her home but I am going to have to agree with the majority here and say no to them moving in now. I am holiday with my toddler visiting my parents 11 hours away from London and she is wrecking this place with just ordinary toddler stuff… my parents arent that bothered but I am mortified. Her schedule is totally dictating the day (from what time we eat/ where we go etc! Dad is taking the dog out at nap times so DDog doesn’t get the Baby up. Also so DDog can have a break from the constant petting and hugging! Having a baby/toddler is gruelling work so it’s ok on this on occasion to help make alternative arrangements to help then

That is definitely what I'd be suggesting and willing to help with.

How harsh are you!!!!!

Same thing happened to me although not living with me. I was not pleased as I thought he’d be a terrible father. He left and he is. Grandchild 6 years old. I look after him during the week After school now. I love him to bits and wouldn’t be without him. It will be fine. Just make sure they don’t take advantage and help them more as quickly as possible.

What an unkind comment.