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Original poster

Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

641 replies

FirstNight · 22/03/2026 19:43

23years ago I found mumsnet and became the network I shared and found strength and support as I raised my 3 children and make 100s of Mars lemon drizzle cake 😁

Really didn't think I'd be back here so soon seeking advice.

2026 the final child is 18. The mortgage will be paid in 2mths and the silver wedding anniversary will be upon us in the autumn.

Middle child ..21 in Sept. Moved out 2 yrs ago with the boyfriend. Back in December they noted the tenancy on flat was up and won't be renewed (house being sold). In January they asked if could bunk down with us for 6mths so they could save some extra £ before moving to a new place. Yes of course we say...for a rent payment that covers utilities and food and evidence of saving.

Now today...we have an excited couple informing us they are pregnant. But no other plans than still to move in with us. Dd job is likely not to pay more than maternity allowance , the only saving grace is that career chosen is term time so in 6 yrs will work well for them. Boyfriend has just moved from salaried to self employed...so not a positive for applying for new tenancies.

I was looking forward to enjoying freedom without a small child hanging about and time to reconnect to hubby. Seems we may end up as additional hands, broken nights sleep and a kitchen and lounge full of baby related paraphernalia.

I want to be excited but all I'm thinking and remembering is those first few years with our eldest and the struggles and challenges that come with this.

OP posts:
Solutionssought2026 · 23/03/2026 20:10

MyTrivia · 23/03/2026 19:59

Social housing was impossible to get 18 years ago and it’s even harder to get today.

A couple would have absolutely NO chance unless they are disabled.

The only woman I know who has social housing was a victim of D & V and her partner was kicking her out.

Depends where you are in the country, some of it is readily available

teamaven · 23/03/2026 20:10

catchingup1 · 23/03/2026 20:09

Get a grip yourself.

Just because you would do that does not mean everyone else has to.

Show quote history

That’s fine, and your child should resent you for it. Case closed

catchingup1 · 23/03/2026 20:09

teamaven · 23/03/2026 19:03

No, you’re wrong. Unless my child had committed a heinous crime there is no situation in which I would not move hell and high water to help them or let them live in my house, even if it meant I had to turn my living room into a bedroom. There is no situation in which I would have my child or grandchild be homeless or in a bed sit or hostel. Get a grip

Show quote history

Get a grip yourself.

Just because you would do that does not mean everyone else has to.

teamaven · 23/03/2026 20:09

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:05

@Netcurtainnelly But she isn't 14. They can find their own accommodation. Of course it won't be easy but tough luck!

And these people joke about their children going no contact.

’you are absolutely not welcome to live here so find somewhere else no matter what living conditions…but we would like to see our grandchild once a week’ ermmm absolutely not

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:09

@Netcurtainnelly She doesn't have to "cope". Why should she upend her life and have them in her home? Her daughter is an adult and the planned baby the responsibility of the parents.

TakeMeDancing · 23/03/2026 20:07

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 20:03

That's what I mean
She's hardly a teen schoolgirl.
How would some of the posters on here have coped if she'd been a schoolgirl.
Finding your own accommodation wouldn't even come into it.
Child would be at home with you and the baby.

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She’s not a schoolgirl though. She’s someone who is 5 years out from GCSEs who can’t even keep a roof over her head, and thinks it’s a good idea to start a family with a man who can’t keep a roof over his head either, and quit a permanent job with grand ideas of becoming an entrepreneur. Sounds great.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 20:07

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/03/2026 20:04

She is certainly acting like a 14 year old. I'd expect more from an actual adult.

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That's not the question if you can't cope with your 21 year old daughter who has a partner getting pregnant how would you cope with a 14 year old schoolgirl?

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:05

@Netcurtainnelly But she isn't 14. They can find their own accommodation. Of course it won't be easy but tough luck!

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 20:05

MyTrivia · 23/03/2026 19:59

Social housing was impossible to get 18 years ago and it’s even harder to get today.

A couple would have absolutely NO chance unless they are disabled.

The only woman I know who has social housing was a victim of D & V and her partner was kicking her out.

Exactly this post is showing all the naivety about council housing.

Get onto the council, get on the register (sigh)

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/03/2026 20:04

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 19:59

Anyone would think the daughter is a 14 year old single schoolgirl the way some people are carrying on.

How on earth would some of you cope if your daughter was pregnant at 14 Or 15 with a child.

What would you do kick her out on the street?🙄

She is certainly acting like a 14 year old. I'd expect more from an actual adult.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 20:03

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:00

@Netcurtainnelly The pregnant woman is 21, with a partner, and with a planned pregnancy by the sounds of it.

That's what I mean
She's hardly a teen schoolgirl.
How would some of the posters on here have coped if she'd been a schoolgirl.
Finding your own accommodation wouldn't even come into it.
Child would be at home with you and the baby.

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:02

@MyTrivia That's not quite right. The pregnant young lady would, however, have to declare that she had nowhere else to live in terms of family help.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 20:01

LouiseK93 · 23/03/2026 19:19

Get them to approach the council so they can be emergency housed and wait for a permanent home. It depends on what area you are whether things will progress quickly or not. You will have to say to the council they cannot live with you so they can be declared unintentionally homeless, otherwise council wont help.

and how many others do you think are doing that across the country?

The council hardly have any accommodation today.

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 20:00

@Netcurtainnelly The pregnant woman is 21, with a partner, and with a planned pregnancy by the sounds of it.

MyTrivia · 23/03/2026 19:59

Social housing was impossible to get 18 years ago and it’s even harder to get today.

A couple would have absolutely NO chance unless they are disabled.

The only woman I know who has social housing was a victim of D & V and her partner was kicking her out.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 19:59

Anyone would think the daughter is a 14 year old single schoolgirl the way some people are carrying on.

How on earth would some of you cope if your daughter was pregnant at 14 Or 15 with a child.

What would you do kick her out on the street?🙄

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 19:57

@mathanxiety Daughter and boyfriend both equally to blame for the pregnancy.

Newyearawaits · 23/03/2026 19:57

mathanxiety · 23/03/2026 19:50

For me it's child or grandchild - yes, move in, move back, whatever.

Boyfriend - no way! I would not be giving an irresponsible young man the idea that his choices were OK by me.

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Unbelievably judgmental post.
Are you for real?

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 19:55

@Netcurtainnelly Of course there is!!! But not OP's problem.
I'm 45 and in privately rented. Expensive, yes. Possible? Also yes.

MyTrivia · 23/03/2026 19:55

I doubt they will want to stay with you for the long term.

I have young adults too though and in your position I would give them unconditional support.

Newyearawaits · 23/03/2026 19:55

ldnmusic87 · 23/03/2026 16:32

I'm surprised people are sympathising with a couple so clueless.

And I'm surprised by those who are judgemental and have zero empathy

SouthLondonMum22 · 23/03/2026 19:52

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 19:51

There's no bloody social housing or council housing wake up.
It's going to get very hard to find rental accommodation soon too.
Separate thread on here today.

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Sounds like it is OP's DD and boyfriend who need to wake up.

Netcurtainnelly · 23/03/2026 19:51

Youshouldbestrongerthanme · 23/03/2026 19:10

@teamaven There is no reason as to why your child would be homeless - they can take responsibility and house themselves rather than living with you?
Young people are too reliant on the "goodwill" of parents these days and I do think it makes them more likely to make irresponsible decisions.
I categorically knew that if I got pregnant (accidentally) at a young age it would quite rightly be down to me (and my partner) to find somewhere to live - social housing/temporary housing/any housing. The responsibility would be mine. We would both have to work to pay the bills and make ends meet as best we could.
I would never have expected to up-end my parents' lives with my own foolish decisions.

Edited

There's no bloody social housing or council housing wake up.
It's going to get very hard to find rental accommodation soon too.
Separate thread on here today.

mathanxiety · 23/03/2026 19:50

teamaven · 23/03/2026 19:03

No, you’re wrong. Unless my child had committed a heinous crime there is no situation in which I would not move hell and high water to help them or let them live in my house, even if it meant I had to turn my living room into a bedroom. There is no situation in which I would have my child or grandchild be homeless or in a bed sit or hostel. Get a grip

Show quote history

For me it's child or grandchild - yes, move in, move back, whatever.

Boyfriend - no way! I would not be giving an irresponsible young man the idea that his choices were OK by me.

mathanxiety · 23/03/2026 19:46

Tell boyfriend he has six weeks to become an employee again, but he and your DD will be moving out in six weeks regardless.

BF needs to put his nose to the grindstone now that he's going to be a father, because you and husband are NOT going to be supporting the pair of them, and someone needs to pay nursery fees - it will not be the nursery of granny and grandad.

You made a huge mistake allowing this young man to live virtually rent free under your roof. I suspect it just encouraged him to take the piss massively.