Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

Nah the forced apart bit was in reference to lots of people saying they wouldn't allow the dad to move in, even though the OP seems to have no problem with that bit. So if you only allow the daughter and not the partner move in would that not be considered forcing a young family apart?

Forcing apart? You mean that really normal act of your adult kids leaving home and starting a family in a home of their own! Nobody is being forced apart!

There's no reason why op needs to do this. When my sister lived at home with my parents my neice went to nursery full time as soon as my sister went back to school and then work. No reason to think op will have to take on additional responsibility if she sets her line in the sand now. Similarly I lived with parents for a few months following a seperation, my child was in full time childcare and my mum was never ever expected to do any parenting. She made it clear at the outset she wanted to be a hands off 'fun' granny with none of the heavy lifting and that's exactly what she is. I wouldn't have expected her to take on anything else then the role she wanted to take. At the same time my mum will absolutely expect me and my sibling to keep her out of a nursing home and provide her care for her as needed for as long as we are physically able whether we want to or not doesn't come into it!

Forcing apart? You mean that really normal act of your adult kids leaving home and starting a family in a home of their own! Nobody is being forced apart!

Might not be an awful life for her but it is impinging on the OP who after bringing her own children up for years was looking forward to some time to herself and her DH.

Forcing apart? You mean that really normal act of your adult kids leaving home and starting a family in a home of their own! Nobody is being forced apart!

Lots of people questioning if she should continue the pregnancy, ie abortion, which I think would be crazy for a first time mother, who is excited about her pregnancy to abort her baby because she may have to live with her parents short term. It's hardly an awful start to life.

What's done is done, still doesn't change the fact that the poster is saying she'd rather force a young family apart, her own daughter and her granddaughter at that. But hey, they've got to be taught a lesson right?

Lots of people questioning if she should continue the pregnancy, ie abortion, which I think would be crazy for a first time mother, who is excited about her pregnancy to abort her baby because she may have to live with her parents short term. It's hardly an awful start to life.

But we aren't in the 50s! Many of these woman that are becoming grandparents are working for a living to help keep a household running, and you think that it's fair to expect them to house you, feed you, raise your kids for you! Because that's what'll likely happen, they'll go back to work and the OP will be expected to be childcare because living under the same roof will corner her into it. She's done her years of being sat at home with small screaming kids, bedtimes, potty training, having to to watch kids TV all day, getting every bug going that the kids bring into the house. Can you honestly not see the issue and why OP doesn't want this?

Saddled with your own daughter get a grip. You sound fun.

Exactly this is an awful thread.
It's clinical and cold and business like

No support for the daughter. No love, no excitement at having a grandchild.
Loads of people would love that.
Sounds like we are in the 1950s reading this.

Enjoying having babies around or not, I would not be suggesting my daughter abort her baby in this situation or force the young family apart or not support her in any way I could.

You clearly are made of steel!
And enjoy having babies around.
But some of us don't want to be parenting forever.

I just don’t know how mothers can turn off the caring nurturing part of them to their children even when they are adults and have made a mistake/choice you wouldn’t. Surely you just want to help your children? I would be delighted if this was me in the OPs situation. It’s a baby - not a bomb. I would let them stay for as long as they need, make the spare room into a nursery, and the rent they pay I would save up and give it to them as a lump sum when they are about to get their next place. I’d also be offering to buy prams/cots etc. For those who are thinking well when does the help stop? It should always be there whenever they need it. I’m so grateful this is our way as a family, and how my family is/were growing up. My husbands family are very much ‘you’ve made your bed go lie in it’ and it’s fractured with no real relationships/connections. That attitude is somewhat removed from the emotional attachment of a family. Perhaps that thinking is what you would apply to a stranger but not to your family? I honestly am shocked at what people are saying

Myself and Dh are late 40s, have 5 children ranging from 28 down to 7 year old twins, have just recently taken a foster placement of a now 6 month old baby boy in the short term. I will never turn my back on any of my children, especially if its such a temporary thing. We have always worked, own our own 5 bedroom house, going to have the mortgage cleared by summer time. Doesn't mean other people have to follow our path.
This particular young couple don't seem to be in an awful situation at all.

@Poetnojo Myself and my husband are 45 and 50 and both work, always have done.
However, we are not in particularly well-paid jobs which means we simply can't afford to buy our own home and long-term rent privately. Definitely not "privileged" by any stretch.
Realistically we'd never have had a child together if we waited until we were in a position to buy; we have a daughter age 5 who is very much adored.
But...
We are both in work and have always been. Of course a rental property is never 100% secure by its very nature, but we have been there 4 years now and know our landlady well as she lives just around the corner. We are relatively confident she would give us plenty of notice should she wish to sell which would allow us time to find somewhere else.
As much as possible we made sure all of these provisions were in place before considering a pregnancy which this couple have clearly failed to do. And, unlike us, they have time on their side!!

I wonder how old many of the posters are. I was born in 92, my dh in 1990. We were married abroad and moved back to the uk at 23/26 in 2016, was waiting on a visa for me so moved in with MIL until it was issued. It was an eu visa so was almost a year. Employment gaps (for both of us) meant that by the time i could even look at rentals, we had been there for 2 years and had saved 40k so had 50k in total of savings. 71k combined income
2.5 years once dh passed probation. At that time in 2018 you could buy tiny 2 bed houses in less desirable parts of borehamwood/high wycombe for 300k and 2 bed share of freehold flats in north finchley for 300k. I started looking and as we got gazumped, our savings grew and we talked to brokers, our budget became 400k and we could afford 2 bed flat in a nice part of finchley. The search/buying process took a year. So we only moved out in 2019, i was 26, dh 29. At 2% interest rate and longest possible mortgage term( we later overpaid 30k), we were lucky to have a 1k mortgage payment we could afford. The money saved also went to paying back dh's student loan in full and building up big emergency fund.

Fast forward 6 years, our mortgage fixed at 1252 until 2031 which has allowed us to weather maternity leave and a baby on basically 1 income.

We were lucky in many ways. But we barely scraped it. We also had 120k combined household income until i got pregnant. We have never had a car.

Dh's siblings are not so lucky, like Op's daughter they rented at an early age and had to return home to live. I am not sure how they can replicate what we did as market conditions are very different now. DH and i scaled up our earnings massively in 2022 and went from 70k combined to 120k and we banked most of it in savings as our mortgage was 1k and we had no car. Just went on weekend breaks to other european countries and stayed mainly in budget hotels. We were planning for a baby and wanted the money to be used for that.

I understand why it would be annoying to have a grandbaby unexpectedly foisted upon you - but I agree with you.

Unless I had an already poor relationship with my adult child, I would let them stay with me. Without paying market rent, they can save up a good amount get established.

I just don’t know how mothers can turn off the caring nurturing part of them to their children even when they are adults and have made a mistake/choice you wouldn’t. Surely you just want to help your children? I would be delighted if this was me in the OPs situation. It’s a baby - not a bomb. I would let them stay for as long as they need, make the spare room into a nursery, and the rent they pay I would save up and give it to them as a lump sum when they are about to get their next place. I’d also be offering to buy prams/cots etc. For those who are thinking well when does the help stop? It should always be there whenever they need it. I’m so grateful this is our way as a family, and how my family is/were growing up. My husbands family are very much ‘you’ve made your bed go lie in it’ and it’s fractured with no real relationships/connections. That attitude is somewhat removed from the emotional attachment of a family. Perhaps that thinking is what you would apply to a stranger but not to your family? I honestly am shocked at what people are saying