Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

I’d be gutted you’ll be saddled with them. your house won’t be your own
disturbed nights and there friends and family round
your home won’t be your own

And?
People are different and thinking that carrying on the pregnancy is not ideal is a perfectly valid opinion.

In contrast to you, decades ago I was 23 and had an unplanned pregnancy with my boyfriend whom I later married. We both had good jobs, but were renting, no savings so couldn't buy. I decided not to continue with the pregnancy and had an abortion because we only wanted to have children when we were in the circumstances we could give a child the best we could.

I never regretted it and several years later, when our circumstances were much improved we had 2 children.

I think they need to move now without disclosing the pregnancy to a landlord, rather than move in with you, if you are able to, help them to do this (financially), once she is on maternity allowance, with him newly self employed they're going to really struggle to rent anywhere

@FirstNight oh no OP, that would be my worst nightmare! I really do hope to have a ten year gap from when my youngest turns 18 in 3 years time.

I have no advice for you, except maybe run away - you and DH go away travelling for a year once your mortgage is paid? Tell them they must be moved out by the time you’re back.

Council housing register. Does that word even exist.
Do you know how many other people need accommodation? Loads.

I would of asked them what’s their plans on moving out, not fair of them to move in with you and have a baby!

So she will be raising the child in her own home?

Are you able to help them with buying somewhere? Or help with deposits etc for renting?
If not, help with getting on the council housing register. It sounds like she’s going to need some support if they haven’t any meaningful income.

She can get pregnant. In her own house.
OP deserves child free space and time with her husband, don"t you think?

How very dare she get pregnant lol.

You need to set expectations. I would be asking them where they plan to live, how they’re going to pay for everything they and their baby needs. They need to understand that although you will enjoy a reasonable amount of GP ‘duties’, you won’t be housing them and doing every day care.

Maybe your daughter will re think going through with the pregnancy when real life is presented to her.Or they’ll both have to get their shit together and work out how they’re going to do this.

If the boyfriend is self employed, he’ll need to get a part time employed job evenings and weekends and your daughter might also need to get an extra job too to pass the landlord affordability checks.

Their priority right now needs to be securing a home for their family. You can hopefully give them a leg up by helping them with the rental deposit - usually 5 weeks rent.

Oh gosh I would feel the exact same OP. Mine are 22 and 21 and like you I have on here since I was pregnant with my eldest. Neither are at home now and quite frankly I am so so enjoying life and having so much time and freedom back. I would have to support them like no doubt you will but I would not be overjoyed at their lack of plans to be independent.

What have they said they are planning to do?

I think I would feel exactly.the same as you. Your daughter is being very entitled.

Me and brother would love to have given grandchildren to our parents - just not to be.

I got pregnant, unplanned, at 21 whilst still living with my parents. My partner (who I’d actually only been with for a couple of months) had his own house (rented) but not suitable for a child to live in. We put a deposit down on a cheap new build as it’s all we could afford and moved in 9 months later. 4 of those months included living with my parents, and the baby for part of it (which they loved). Fast-forward 6 years and we have quadrupled our salaries and have another baby.

My parents would have NEVER told me terminate the pregnancy because they didn’t want me to live with them nor would they have told me I couldn’t live there, what an awful thing to do, throwing out your own child and baby grandchild. Fair enough if your daughter is 14 and still in school but I’m sure they will make it work for themselves! And they will remember how you reacted.

Your post isn’t clear whether they are actually living with you yet? You mention the plan is still to move in with you suggesting that may not yet have happened?

I don’t think they are in a position to have a baby if they are relying on living in your house to do so.

If they had asked if they could do this presumably you’d have said no!

How will they be able to save up for six months for a new place when they will need to save up for the baby now? How will they be able to take on a new tenancy when DD will only be getting maternity pay for nine months. Her partner will not be able to prove he has a reliable source of income if he has just become self employed…

As they haven’t moved in yet, I would be telling them that the baby changes everything and they need to find somewhere else to live and get themselves sorted out now - otherwise they’ll move in and not leave. What do they need to save up for anyway, they just need a deposit and references surely? DD’s partner may have to forget about being self employed and get a proper job with a guaranteed income, having a baby is not the time to try something new. He needs to step up and provide for his family now.

Be prepared for them not to be happy about your change of mind though.

How incredibly selfish of them to have a baby - knowing they will be evicted and giving up full time employment - and expecting you to pick up the slack. I would be furious if any of my DC did this. I have no advise to offer but what ever happens, there will be tears.

Bloody hell sounds like a business meeting

Family should be. We’ve lost that.

Honestly OP I think the way you feel is totally normal given the circumstances. My parents were really happy when I fell pregnant with my first baby but we were married, stable jobs, home owners, baby was planned etc, I know they wouldn’t have felt the same way if I was still living at home, no real money/plan/stability and I wouldn’t have blamed them at all. I have a friend who had a baby before moving out etc and I do think it blurs the line between grandparents and just parents again, it’s not the same relationship and I don’t think it works particularly well. My mum always says one of the best things about being a grandparent is that you get the best bits without the hard bits, that just isn’t the same if you’re all living under the same roof.

I would speak to her/them about it, their expectations and yours. It may be that they plan to knuckle down and get moved out before baby arrives, I hope that is the case.

Can you just use your voice? That’s wonderful news darling and your six months with us will be up three months before the baby is born so give yourself plenty of time to find the right flat and move in in plenty of time. There’s no need at all to change your arrangement now there is a baby on the horizon - you are giving them a massive six months rent free to get on top of things.

Closeness should not be code for free childcare is this all grandparents are allowed to care for everybody?

You need to have the conversation that they need to be settled somewhere before the baby is born or they'll have to sort something now

Personally they've changed the deal, they can't move in with you.