Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

I would honestly consider removing the offer of accommodation - they have materially changed the deal you agreed to.

I’d be more than happy to join in with a playgroup and look after them whilst my children have a day to themselves, but that is very different from having them living with you because they got pregnant with no plan, without fully established careers and thinking they may expect me to virtually play parent to my grandchildren. It’s irresponsible of them and quite entitled.

Don't be surprised if you end up estranged talking like that.

So many different responses and none are necessarily right. Some women have stated how awful it would be for them personally so they can't relate at all to alternative. Others would be in the same frame of mind as me and relish the chance to help nurture and raise a grandchild knowing that both my DD and DGC were safe and secure .

It won't be the same as your own years child rearing OP , this baby will have a mother to be primary carer . She is not a young teen . Her partner will also be on hand especially if self employed.

Is space a problem ? I know it would work for me as I have the room. Can you think about how it would work .
It's OK not to be thrilled at the idea of them moving in with new baby . Have a calm chat about what they forseen as a plan for them and a timely move . But please don't let them know that you are less than enthusiastic about the pregnancy. It might be devastating to your DD and hard to recover any closeness between you .

Well we are in the 50s as women have to have babies and of course not work then have to wait around for the grandchildren to be born so they can raise them too

Of course sons and grands sons are allowed to work and do other things but daughters need to keep home and care for everyone and the next generation

It’s fairly basic to expect people to have a home, a plan, a reliable way of supporting themselves and their baby. If they don’t have that, they’re not suitable to be parents right now. Children deserve to have parents that can actually take care of them and provide for them.

Jeez. My mum helps me with my kids but there’s absolutely no way I’d expect her to house us for any length of time! We will probably stay with her later this year for a couple of weeks when we have our kitchen done and I feel guilty about that! Kids have a way of taking over the whole house. They will end up living with you long term if given the opportunity. When are they due to move in with you? I think I’d make it clear that they can stay with you while she is pregnant but need to have moved out before the baby arrives, so they may need to rethink the arrangement as moving whilst heavily pregnant isn’t ideal. They sound rather naive and immature - normal at that age but perhaps not ready for this upcoming responsibility.

Tbh, I’d be horrified. Yes I know there will be posters saying babies bring joy etc but this is a long planned time you were looking forward to. You would probably be delighted if they were married, had their own home and were mature enough to understand the sacrifices you have to make to be a parent. Ignore the poster being mean about being saddled with your own daughter. We raise our children in the expectation they will be functioning, independent adults, not children who will be forever in the family home. Is there any way you can help them financially find their own place? If not, discuss boundaries with them and lay out what you are and aren’t willing to do. What about his parents?

Reading this thread has made me understand why my MIL has refused all my invitations to join me and my son at the library for rhyme time. All her other kids live overseas, 2 with their inlaws.

After raisinf 4 she likely wants to spend all her time alone which is why mothers day for her involved a solo jaunt around kew gardens.

I’d be careful - youre probably in shock. I don’t blame you at not being thrilled, and being worried about getting roped in, but you will fall so in love with that baby, as you should. They’re a young couple needing help and you should greet this news outwardly positively I suggest.

Just be careful you're not too cold to your DD. If she remembers being young and a new Mum and you basically telling her to move out and get on with it, it may tarnish your relationship for good.

By all means don’t let them take the piss or have you doing loads of childcare, but make sure the first thing you say to them isn’t “so, when will you be moving out?”

I wouldn't be thrilled about a young couple that isn't financially self sufficient and soon to be living under my roof having a baby either. And the bf just went self employed. Unless he's raking it in, he's going to have to go back to work and maybe work 2 jobs.

You know if you let them move in they will be living with you for years and probably adding more kids.

Put a time limit on their stay. He has to be working and bringing in enough that they can live on. If he doesn't, he doesn't live there.

It's not about sounding fun its about wanting a break from caring responsibilities once you've raised your own children to adulthood. That and a bit of peace in your own home.

I think you're being quite nice in the circumstances, much nicer than I would be.

I'm pretty soft on my kids but the one thing I have been crystal clear on is that children deserve decent parents that put them first.

This couple are not decent parents - they have made no provision, no thought to this child and I would be telling my own child that. They are in no position to have a child and they are entirely relying on you to supply the necessary housing and likely childcare so they can play 'happy families'

I would be raining all over their parade and making it clear that they will not be staying with you - because they have entirely changed the deal.

You've read it wrong. She's saying that the fact it's term time will be useful when the child is at school, NOT that they'll only GET a job at that point.

I get what you mean but I’d be so excited by the the prospect of a grandchild under my roof. I only had one child in my 40s and whilst I am so blessed to have my son I’m sad I might not be around for grandchildren, seeing that people have kids later now.

I understand your reticence. I would feel exactly the same. I would not want a small child around me after all your child-rearing.

Personally, I would be delighted if my kids gave me grandchildren, at any age. However, I totally understand how you feel and I think you are totally within your rights not to be offering long term accommodation for your child and her child.

It used to be very common for couples to start married life living with in-laws! My parents did it!

But it should be temporary and I think it is right to make it clear to your adult child, she needs to find a place to live in the long term.

If everyone waited for the right time to have a baby, nobody would ever have one.

Nothing should be changing in their housing arrangement. You agreed to give them six months to save while they live with you. You could honour that and during those 6 months they find their own place to move into. They will want to move out before the baby is born so that will give them the momentum to find somewhere suitable.

I absolutely love my DCs and DGC but there is no way, unless there was a huge problem, that I would have them living with DH and I now.

Don't give them a chance to expect to live with you for longer. Nip it in the bud now.

Saddled with your own daughter get a grip. You sound fun.

Exactly this is an awful thread.
It's clinical and cold and business like

No support for the daughter. No love, no excitement at having a grandchild.
Loads of people would love that.
Sounds like we are in the 1950s reading this.

I would ask how they have planned for the baby since you might sell your place to move to another city. Might.

I have 2 SILs who are living with inlaws in their 30s. One was renting when she had her baby but moved back in with inlaws when baby was 22. She isnt saving any money living with inlaws (in detroit) so unlikely to be able to move out..another SIL has gotten pregnant while living with inlaws and recently married but she is living in netherlands and there are literally 200 applicants per apartment. Not a great chance.

The only reason dh and i are not in that position is because we lived with his mum in our 20s, saved up 58k in 3 years and bought a flat in london. Our mortgage is 1252 (fixed until 2031) which is the cost of a room rental in London. Dh had a vasectomy when i was 6 months pregnant so we wouldnt need to move (2 bedrooms). Cant expect everyone to be like us. Based on our family there is a nearly 100% chance of 3 generation family setups as the young ones cant afford to move out.

I wouldn’t want my dc to start their parenting journey in my home. I think new parents need space and the responsibility of being in it as a couple. In your shoes I’d do whatever required to help them set up their own home (maybe being a guarantor?)