Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

Touching a baby on the bus? Where on earth did this sentimental tosh come from? I’ll pet every dog in the park. Tell them they are wonderful and a good boy. Same with cute babies. Still don’t want one living in my house!

I certainly wouldn’t ‘abandon’ my child but I would expect them to sort out a plan as to how they’re going to look after themselves and their child in their own home. That is what they need. They won’t thrive as parents whilst living with and relying on us for day to day care, nights up with the baby etc. it would be for everyone’s good that it was sorted and we would of course be on hand to be GPs but not primary carers housing them long term.

The partner fair enough, the grandchild no. They are literally an extension of you.

Ah the old transactional approach. Never mind the fact the parents brought them all up,
they have to continue to support them (presumably financially as well) even when they make stupid decisions in case.

oh and you do know that not everyone goes in a care home,
right?

‘Trample all over you’. No but if you abandon your child in their major time of need I’m sure they’ll do the same.

@teamaven

There is a difference between looking after your child and looking after their dependents.

My child is welcome back anytime. Dependents are not - not boyfriends, not partners, not pets.

Just have very clear ground rules. All these people saying she’s too young, not in a secure place etc- well it’s too late for that now.
Be firm about what help you can and can’t offer and make it clear that they need to get their own place ASAP.

I honestly think I live in a parallel universe to most mumsnetters. No way would I turn away my pregnant dd no matter what the situation was. People sound very judgemental and actually not nice in some cases. I don’t mean op- Um referring to those saying don’t let her stay, no help etc.

Ah yes, the care home threat! If you dont let your kids trample all over you, they will chuck you into a care home.

Let them! I can afford a good one.

OP don’t you think there’s a chance your pregnant daughter is on MN? This is a very specific thread full of details, unless you’ve changed a lot of them.

No, both my adult kids live and have lived with me entirely rent free. My house is always open to them.

But they know the deal: no babies they can't support.

MN is obsessed with going NC with parents, but no one I know ever has because they were told to support their own babies.

Also, to the people saying ‘tell her she can’t live with you’. Ok where are they going to go - the streets? I would much rather be inconvenienced than see my own child and their baby begging for a council house or sofa surfing. I genuinely cannot believe some of these comments. When you have children you are making a pledge to look after them for life, not just until 18.

Additionally, I’d keep in mind that your children will be the ones who eventually make the decision on whether or not to put you in a care home, and whether or not it will be a nice one 🙂

I understand you are disappointed and have every right to those feelings. I also thought my kids would be independent well before now but in fact my son got extremely ill with multiple hospital stays and set backs and is still home at 24. It's been a huge strain and not how DH and I imagined our lives would be but of course I'm just happy he's well and come so far over the past few years. Life just doesn't pan out like you expect sometimes and you have to be glad for what you've got.

Can you give them a deposit and help them buy their own home ? Giving them and their baby housing stability and also keeping your own privacy /sanctuary

Is OPs daughter under threat of war? Did I miss something? 🤔

Yes I think I would be equally concerned if my 21 year old dd announced this with no stability, it's way too young when you have no stable home. As others have said, allow them to move in but be clear they need to find somewhere else before the baby is born. Be supportive in whatever way you can, financially , a bit of childcare etc but ultimately they need to be doing everything they can to make this work.

If it’s any consolation, I had to move in with my mother when my daughter was six weeks old and I could not I’ve got out of there fast enough
I started work the moment she was able to go to Nursery after her first set of injections and the umbilical cord fell off
I got myself a job with a company car and I had a flat in under a month
There was just no way we could’ve had two mother Hens quacking away in that house with the baby

I would rather not have grandkids at all, than house and rear any more babies.

Don't care if that makes me sound cold.
If there was an actual emergency, I would. But this isn't an emergency. It's carelessness and entitlement.

It’s so sad. The OP is allowed to feel disappointed, but you don’t just have your children for 18 years you have them for life. OP - please do not make your feelings known to you DD. I cannot imagine being pregnant, vulnerable and have an unsupportive mother.

Just say no to living with a baby. They don’t have to have a baby and they need to stand on their own feet. They can’t just make it someone else’s problem which is basically what they are doing

Why they’ve made choices that will have a massive impact on impact on OP
and doesn’t sound like they’ve give any consideration for that
i love my kids done my sleepless nights and value my space and privacy
goes without saying mine would be welcome with open arms in an emergency situation
but nowhere to live , self employed with no established accounts do renting , affordability checks and no possibility of a mortgage and now pregnant all of these are choice that ultimately OP will bear the brunt of

Christ, these replies. Do you all really just only give a shit until they turn 18 and then they’re on their own? Someone actually said “tell them they’re not welcome”. I cannot think of any time in my 40+ years of living when I wasn’t welcome at my parents house. I could turn up in the next ten minutes with a suitcase and they’d put the kettle on.

Some of you should be ashamed of yourselves, or at the very least, not be surprised when your kids don’t bother to come to see you more than twice a year.

Your child is in a committed relationship expecting a wanted baby. In five years, ten years time she’ll be in a very different place from now. But she’ll always remember how you reacted so for your sake I hope you managed to share the joy as well as the responsibility.

I don’t get this
I was looking forward to enjoying freedom without a small child hanging about and time to reconnect to hubby
your youngest child is 18 , it’s been years since you’ve had a small child , even if they are living with you you can still make it clear that you don’t want to be a hands on GP if that is what you want . If you wanted time for just you and your husband it probably wasn’t a good idea to agree to them moving in , with or without a baby .

Oh gosh, I’d be super gutted too… I say this as someone who had my first child at 17 but I lived alone with DH, I’d never have relied so heavily on my parents. My DC have had it drilled into them not to have children until they’re in a stable position financially and I mean, if that’s never then so be it.

I just think your DD is making life unnecessarily difficult for herself really. I’d be a real bitch and have to be firm here, especially given she’s 21 not 15. She should find her own place. If she wants the responsibility of parenthood so young, she needs to stand on her own two feet. If not, you’ll end up basically being a parent all over again when you’re just about getting your independence back again.

Why do they need to get married? How will that help OP not to have to house them?