Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

It must be a huge shock OP and hard to feel excited when you are rightly worried about how your dd will cope and what impact the baby will have on your life.

My dc are still in their teens so I can imagine being excited about a new stage where you can put yourself first after years of parenting - and of course you're still working ft so bus enough. This is not what you expected! There may be some difficult conversations ahead and you and dh will need to agree on boundaries with the living situation and what kind of support you are prepared to offer.

You don't mention any concerns about your DD's partner - do you think they will work well together and rise to the challenge?

I hope once the shock has worn off, you can have some decent conversations about the practicalities and feel calmer about the sutuation.

What about those young familes who move back in with parents cos life is too expensive

We didnt have a baby when we were living with her rent free. That happened 6 years after we moved out to buy a flat. Dh's white british colleague (dh works for a bank) also did the same thing as us and unlike us are not jewish. Except we were legally married and he wasnt, he lived with girlfriends parents before buying a little house in reading and then getting cat/dog/baby before getting legally married. This was in 2019. Its even more common now i suspect.

Ironically dh's sisters who immigrated are now living with inlaws with their young families.

A rental property is at least making the effort to be independent. It isn't just getting pregnant with little to no thought as to where that baby will live or expecting someone else to put them up without even a discussion first.

OP's child is not in their 30's and has plenty of time to have children which is also different.

She's 21/22 years old! She'll need no more support than any other mum.

A couple in their 30s could be in the same financial situation as OP's kid. In this case they are.

But with MN women need to know their place, feminism is only for other people's children

What about your father? Is he around? How involved is he with your kids?

My house was full with all the baby stuff in the early days. Play gym, moses basket, changing mat, nappies, bottles, steriliser, clothes, baby bath, highchair, car seats, pram. Then everything had to be rearranged once DC started crawling. I wouldn't want to go back to those days again!

People or women? There seems to be this expectation of women doing nothing but be care providers. Even when they have adult children.

There isn't this expectation on men.

Support doesn't mean giving in to their every demands. You don't do that with toddlers so why would you do it with adults?

Support might also be different to what they expect or want. I'd support them but it wouldn't be with them living in my house with a baby. I don't think that makes anyone a dragon.

It’s not about they are eighteen and still your child.

When life doesn’t go to plan that doesn’t mean that as a parent you should champion it or sacrifice your own finances and time to fix it. Supporting your child doesn’t mean you have to feel pleased about every decision that they make. The op is allowed to have her own feelings.

I dunno......when I had my first DC I felt our house was full of baby paraphernalia.....from bouncy chair to car seat (in and out of house if they'd fallen asleep in it) - same goes for the pushchair, changing mats, playmat, bottle steriliser, box of nappies + cream + wipes both upstairs and downstairs....we were overrun with "stuff"

Well, you said they can move in, you should still honour that, make it clear what the rules are on you not being a live in babysitter but obviously offer to help, its what families are supposed to be for... to help each other.

Your 1st grand child will benefit from you helping his or her parents out. I just do not understand people who have kids and want to forget they are part of a family forever! My own mother is a selfish woman with her time for me and my kids, we do not have a good relationship.

This ... adult choices, have adult consequences.

The emotional blackmail on here. So as mothers we're expected to cheer on terrible choices that our children make or else:

they'll choose a shit nursing home
they'll never speak to us again or see us again.

For some reason we're not seen as people in our own right, we're just support team for our adult children and the decisions they make.

If we don't comply with their demands then that's it - get rid of us. We're clearly only worth a relationship if we're paying for stuff, or providing childcare services.

Has it ever occurred to people that it's probably better not to have a relationship with children who view you this way?

As to the care home - already got my advance directive thanks. I'm making my own decisions about what happens to me.

Just saw your update that you can't
Fund a deposit
Have to keep working full time
Can't presumably go on weekends away.
I guess then all you can do is ask them gently if they can move out after 6 months.

But you can't insist because then your DD may go no contact and put you in a care home! Also it looks like they can't afford to move out. So I guess you will have to hope that you enjoy this experience, like some posters have.

Why are they so excited when they can't even afford to live independently?

Good question. It’s really immature. Whilst they might have decided to go ahead with the pregnancy, they should have some major concerns and worries, and I’d be really concerned that they were just excited with no plan instead. It doesn’t bode well.

I’m not sure congratulations are right - it sounds like the OP is in a shit situation and will end up suffering because her daughter/partner aren’t grown up enough to take responsibility for their decisions

Yes tread carefully OP because you could damage your relationship permanently if you follow some
of the advice on here.

Why are people dragons because they would not be so keen in such a situation? People are allowed to feel differently than you.

Deleted bcos quote failed.

I don't blame you @FirstNight I would not be keen either. Why are they so excited when they can't even afford to live independently?

Something else to bear in mind. A friend of mine was in this position and her health took a real battering. The baby and inevitably toddler was constantly getting illnesses (all normal of course). She would catch them too. The child was fine after a day or two but it took her a lot longer to recover.

Also there are nearly always greater expectations of the grandmother in terms of helping than grandfathers. My friends life was turned upside down while her DH carried on as normal.

Congrats on impending grandmotherhood.

How many will you have at home?

Suggest you pre-book lots of weekends away to reconnect with hubby 😉

No, but my duty of care to my children means making them into responsible parents for the children they have chosen to have. My future grandchildren need me to make sure my children are capable of providing for them.