Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

OP's DD asked for help before telling OP she was pregnant. That's the difference.

If she came to OP telling her she was pregnant and asking if the help offered was still ok which would acknowledge that it isn't just about them then it might be different but coming to OP like a happy couple ready to have a baby when they are expecting OP to house them and their baby is completely different.

I also never said that it's never ok to ask for parental help but you can ask for help without acting entitled.

Doubtful shes a teacher if she's only 20. In any case not a great job gor family life!

There are lots of grandparents who help out because they are not given any choice, do people who keep on making choices that effect the grandparents ever speak to them before hand?

Not saying in the OP situation but a 20 year who has 3 kids may need the grandparents to supply child care but did the now 20 year old give even one thought to what kind of like the grandparents want at whatever tage they are?

do people even think of their parents when they have to keep on bailing them out of situations? or assume because they are getting the help their parents stick a smile on their face and keep on quietly helping because they have no choice?

especially the old MN cliche of 'you will do what I say or I will go no contact with you'

Surely they will have the deposit on the old place back?
Thry are a pair of selfish f**ks. Make sure you make it crystal clear they are to be out after 6 months as planned.

It’s fine to depend on parents if you’re older? I get the feeling people are making these kind of judgements based on their own life choices to have children older - because if anything you’d expect a 30+ year old couple who wanted a child to a foundation and financial stability before getting pregnant. More so than an early 20s couple.

Either it’s ok to ask for parental help or it’s not (fine) but you can’t say no to one and not the other.

People who muddled through with a little bit of family help in the old days weren’t living in a COLC. Love and goodwill can only get you so far in that situation.

Of course she’ll need more support than other mums. She has nowhere to bloody live! In contrast to many other mums who might have bought a home by the time a baby came along. These replies are so harsh. My lovely mum helped me loads when my dc were little. I helped her loads when she was older and eventually dying. It’s part of being a family. Throughout our lives my mum, siblings and in laws - we have all pulled together. Life can be rough and family get you through.

To me it sounds like you're not delighted with the circumstances in which you're becoming a grandparent

Well aren't you intuitive!

OP has quite literally told us she's not happy with the circumstances in which she's becoming a grandparent.

The 6 month tenancy deal should not change just because they decided to have a baby. You need to make it clear that they should move out before baby is born.

No idea what you’re talking about polly, perhaps call it a night?

Being a doormat isnt good parenting. These two need to stand on their own two feet and not expect to be bailed out. They can rent a flat and make the best of a situation that only they created. Why should OP's life be turned upside down because of their choices.

lead to

Quite understandable as looking forward to peace

they need to find somewhere asap or by the time baby is born or they will be with you for months after birth as if not working they won’t be able to show agencies they can’t afford to rent

are his parents local ? Maybe they can live with them

You need to have a tough conversation about what their expectations are still. And be very clear and firm on what your capacity is.

Were they trying for a baby prior to moving in with you? Moving in in January and announcing this in March is quite quick. How far along is it? Did they know back in December when they chose not to renew? That's a big thing to add into this especially if they knew sooner but waited until moving in. It is better to wait past a certain point before announcements so how long did they wait? I would be nervous that was an expectation they kept from you knowing being made leave will be harder with a baby involved 😔 Especially with the partner leaving his more stable job, is the pregnancy changing anything on that front too? A baby has a lot more expenses so how is their planning going now?

The 'village' just means women having caring responsibilities for the rest of their lives. No thanks.

Hi, no need to stop me about harmful stereotypes. There is none of that in my post. I was merely stating facts. The poster talked about things generally being better as she is Asian. She discussed no babies before marriage as one example. I took that to mean a criticism of having children outside marriage and being Asian made her exempt from that.
Fwiw, I had a baby outside of marriage and I don't consider that to be a terrible, harmful situation. Your post implies that it is.
Families helping to raise kids and care for their elderly is wonderful and not attributable to specific cultures. I appreciate that it seems to be more prevelant in some cultures and considered the norm.
Indeed, that is lovely to hear.

Getting pregnant then expecting people to bail you out is never going to be a good thing

Agree 100%.
Where’s the village sentiment gone?
In the bad old days babies were born to much younger mothers, today’s 40plus would be positively geriatric.

That sounds good.
...........

Op, 'they' are not pregnant, she is.

I understand your misgivings about them moving in. It will be a pain unless you have a separate annexe. I'm surprised they want to, except for a few weeks maybe.

She's very young to be starting a family too.

That's what I've been saying from the off. Shocking. Felt like something from the dark ages.

Hopefully you're worrying for nothing. I have a great relationship with my daughter but I know that if she was going to have a baby she'd be super eager to set up home for herself,partner and baby. Fingers crossed your daughter feels the same about it.

Like any culture including British if it works for everyone then all fne great none of anyone elses business, if a woman is put in their place and is not allowed full freedom and have to do what they are told and is used as a brood mare then yes this is an issue

Women should be more than just breeding and caring and living very small lives unless it is solely their choice, taking aside issues they had growing up or other mental health issues going on

I’m going to stop you there with those terrible harmful stereotypes that you’ve pushed out because you cannot fathom another culture having positives over western. Those challenges exist across the board. Asians do tend to rely on family network to raise their kids and look after their elderly and there isn’t anything wrong with that.

I agree. Ridiculously irresponsible to get pregnant when knowing they don’t have a home and that they’re moving in with you. I fear this was almost done on the assumption that let’s have the baby whilst under parents roof and get help etc

My first grandchild was born in not the most perfect circumstances but as a family we all gathered together and supported my daughter with her decision.
Now a few years later my daughter has been the most amazing role model for her child.
She took an MA that allowed her to have the job she now has .
Yes at times it was hard for us having a little one living with us for a year plus COVID but the relationship we have with our grandchild is incredible because of the close bond we formed at the beginning .
As a Mum I would just try and be as supportive as you can but set a few rules from the outset.

I am very pleased that your rules suit your family.
Re 'generally being very different for us, thank goodness'.
I know Asian women who have been pregnant and unmarried. I know Asian women who do not like living with their mother in law. I know Asian women who were made to feel they had failed as they had a daughter and not a son. I know Asian women who aren't happily married.
There is plenty of high profile press reports of Asian women being abused /murdered for not adhering to the 'rules' and the associated 'shame' on the family.
I work in public services.
Let's not delude ourselves that being part of a specific culture makes us exempt from life's challenges.
Ime, for some people, it's more about covering up and presenting a perceived 'ideal'.