Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

This sounds a bit incestuous 😂 maybe rephrase

You sre in a strong position to support your daughter so short term I would support them through the pregnancy and help them the first few months,

but

they need a plan longer term. i understand why youre upset. You have plans too! Your husband could step up more if he is retiring and what about the father's parents where are they in all this?

Get them onto housing wait lists and encourage them to save as much now as they can.

The partner sounds supportive so thats a good thing. Many are not.

Its not ideal but it could be worse.

i completely understand where you’re coming from op. I would feel the same way.

You need to sit down with them and discuss their plans. What you don’t want is for them to drift towards the due date with no plans to get their own place and suddenly the baby is here and they just don’t move out. It’s very difficult op. You want to be supportive but you are looking forward to kicking back a bit and enjoying your freedom.

Did you ask them what their plans were in terms of jobs, accommodation and finances?

You need to have a proper talk with them and explain that the pregnancy changes things somewhat with regard to them moving in. It will be much harder for them to find a rental on a reduced wage if dd is on mat leave etc. And you need to be clear that staying beyond 6 months is not an option. Realistically, will they actually be able to afford the next place once she has had the baby? Like the ppl said, maybe they need to make themselves homeless by refusing to leave current accommodation.

💯 agree with this and it is also my approach.

Who said 'the government' is paying for anything?

You don't get a council property just because you apply. There can be waiting times of years for those who are homeless, if the DD is living with OP she will not get priority banding.

If their tenancy is up and she is pregnant, wouldn't it be worth them applying for council housing as opposed to living with you?

You don’t think any other generation in the last 150 years were living in a cost of living crisis? No, perhaps the destitution in times gone by wasn’t a crisis, it was just the way it was.

This thread has reminded me, again, how fortunate my friends and I are to have close families who care.

You're a bit behind with the evolution of childcare. Term time only will work from the point they get funded hours, that's 9 months old. If they can find a term time nursery, it will be basically free and they'll just to fund wraparound care.

I think they need to contact the council housing team and say they are pregnant and homeless. If they move in with you it is less likely they will be housed. With only one self employed wage they are unlikely to find a private rental when your daughter’s money drops due to maternity leave. I think you need to say no op. Their situation has changed.

OP didn’t say it would take six years for DD to get a term time job - she has that now, but it will become relevant when the child starts school. And not everyone qualifies for standard maternity pay - the rule is you need 26 weeks unbroken service up to the 15th week before due date to be eligible for SMP. If not MA is the alternative.

Id be "excitedly" telling them they need their own place for DGCs arrival and asking if they need help making a plan. Baby is 6 months away so they have time to plan

I was just reading about the mental health crisis in gen x women and this thread sums it up. (It's on the guardian).
Why are women who have spent 25 to 30 years raising a family and looking after ageing parents made to feel guilty for wanting some time to themselves. Most had absolutely no help, had to give up their careers and are now left with little money or pension.
I look after my grandchildren 2 days a week and do school pick ups and I love spending time with them but I couldn't do full-time childcare. To be honest I'm exhausted and have had health issues of my own. My daughters understand this and don't put pressure on me to do more.
This whole 'village' idea is ridiculous, I don't know anyone who's had dozens of people helping them raise their children. Most people don't even live near family now due to housing costs, jobs etc. It's just another thing to make women feel bad.

I’d be horrified on several fronts.

Having a child at 21yo is not what I want for any of mine, although most of mine are well past that, but still none are in what I would think is a ‘suitable space’ in life to start with kids. But 21yo would have been heartbreaking to me.

In addition to the ‘don’t have a child before being in a suitable position in life’ speech, I drummed into mine, I also gave a ‘and if it does happen, under no circumstances will you be living here with a baby, and there will be no back down’ speech. I find it much better to have very clear understanding all round in these sorts of matters up front and BEFORE such an incidence should arise. Mine know I’m deadly serious so it makes them think twice before acting sillily.

Say nothing, until you’ve worked out what you’re happy with. My guess, you’ll feel differently when the baby arrives.

I’d be gutted if my 22 year old got pregnant with no plans on how to proceed. I’d feel obligated to help of course but I’d know my life would be changed without having a real choice and I’d be upset that all my plans for my future retirement would be up in smoke. I’d also be annoyed with people telling me I should be happy - you are allowed to feel how you feel.

Ironically her children want to leave as much as possible. Youngest has now gone to germany to care for her grandfather. The same SIL she wanted to place in the front room, she pays for a hotel when she is in london despite living with inlaws (so money clearly not plentiful).

MIL now has 0 kids in her house and most grandkids overseas.

Not really … the daughter and her bf won’t be able to manage financially on their own and the baby is a reality. Unless you are in favour of forced abortions.

They are adults and have no right to assume they can just live with the gfs family… we have a support network in society to deal with scenarios like this.

And shouldnt the message be stop having the government to house and pay for you to have children, yes things can happen in the future but to there is only so many time the government should have to step in because multiple forms of contraception are not used because people cant be bothered, if people are mature enough to have sex they are mature enought not leave it all to the government or grandparents

As i’ve got older i’d understood my mother’s reaction more to the news I was pregnant at 16. Though it was more the shame than not wanting to live with a baby. That baby is 32 now, and we lived there for 18 months, would have been less if i’d have been able to move out earlier. My mum interfered a lot. I remember how bad she made me feel as he was constipated a lot (later had a minor surgery) like it was my fault (it wasn’t, and i’d taken him to the GP multiple times). I eventually moved 5hrs drive away when he was 7. She still is very close to my eldest, she was only 39 when he was born. So I’d be supportive, but encourage them to look for their own place ahead of the birth. You want to enjoy being a grandma, and that’s hard when baby is living with you.

This happened to my friend though her daughter was even younger.

She was just clear from the start that while she would be supporting her daughter (emotionally, practically & financially), her daughter would not be living at home with the baby. Daughter ended up on benefits and then slowly, slowly worked up from a very part time job to a full time job today, now her 2 children (yes she had another one a couple of years later) are at school.

Your daughter & her bf rented before and they can do so again. They will be entitled to housing benefit & need to look into exactly what they will be entitled to now & once the baby is born.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/pensions/voluntary-national-insurance-contributions/#step2

As you were caring for children you should be able to sort the missing years more easily

I think DD & BF need a come to Jesus moment with you. Let them know that you did not sign up for this and feel very manipulated. Tell them that you did not agree to housing them to enable BF to risk a secure income to work for himself or to raise their child, and that now that they have moved their goalposts, you will too. Let them know that they have 3, 6, whatever months to find themselves somewhere else to live. *Also make it clear that they had better not be making plans around you babysitting full time because that isn’t going to happen.