Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

Exactly my point....she needs a village ideally

Nope I’m not saying that just saying what I personally would do and that I have never heard of so I genuinely don’t know about the “oestrogen/caring hormone draining away”. The majority of my friends are my age and older I don’t see them displaying and signs of it either when it comes to their loved ones.
I was brought to be kind and compassionate to people and for me this works well others may not agree and that Ive no doubt works well for then neither of us wrong we do what feels best for us as individuals.

I think it's a difficult situation TBH. In a perfect world DD would have got her contraception watertight .However young women are fertile, and these things happen.I think maybe for a while they are not unreasonable to ask to stay with you. They are in a tight spot . Rents are expensive and DD wants to enjoy her pregnancy .When we have DC its tempting to think that they will be "off our hands" The reality is that life often throws a curveball when we least expect it

But surely you wouldn’t recommend anyone to do what you did, get pregnant while still living with your parents while in a relationship of two months, however well things happened to work out for you?

She has already said she can’t do this.

Peak MN. I looooooooove my children so much more than youuuuuu etc

How about matching them, pound for pound, with what they save for a house deposit and setting an end date for them to find somewhere to buy. (12 months)
Even a bedsit saves them paying rent.

This isn’t falling on hard times it’s choosing to have a child when you have very little room for manoeuvre, barely any financial stability and potentially imposing yourself on your parents to be a support network. If OPs DD was in her own home with a secure mortgage and her OH was in steady work then fine, but that’s not the case, OP is looking forward to an easier life not being a village chief.

This. I can totally imagine you must be feeling deflated at the idea of not getting the freedom as soon as you were hoping. It’s not ideal. Would have been nice to have a few years of ‘you’ time, to also enjoy a different phase of relationship with your children. But life doesn’t always work out as we plan and I think it would be best for your relationship with youur DD and future GC if you can think of a way to give time limited support that works ok for you and has an end date

Whenever an older woman draws boundaries or tries to wrest back freedom after a lifetime of childrearing, everyone- including other women- will gather to call her a dragon, cruel, uncaring... and threaten her with care homes or no contact, the ultimate punishment. It's a terribly unfeminist position for a woman's site.

“It takes a village” highlights the importance of community influence on child development. It does not mean the village is obliged to submit meekly to unpaid childcare foisted upon them without a choice.

They need to move out. Simple as that.

im well past my 50’s 🤣🤣🤣 I don’t know anything about oestrogen/caring hormone being drained away. I care deeply and passionately about my children I work in a caring profession and care deeply for those I look after. I also love the time I have to myself and my space and I’m lucky I have both in abundance and quality but I would still not hesitate to support my DC their partner and grand child in the OPs situation.

Contraception can Fail.

But even then things can happen, that change things.
People split up, illness, job loss.

As already been said be kind and supportive to your own flesh and blood.
You might just find you cause division otherwise.

TBH, much as my baby-adoring mother doted on my children when they were tiny, I think she might have given rhyme time a miss too.

OP I’m with you on this. It’s the chaos and paraphernalia that comes with a new born, let alone the fact they’re young parents with little awareness of how massive the impact of parenting will have on their lives.

Terrible mistake to be making at their age but if it’s a learning curve they want then you need to stipulate the 6 months of the original agreement will not be extended. It’s absolutely not your responsibility to parent DD SIL and DGC by proxy should they wish to stay on longer.

I’m coming off this thread I find it so sad that so many people are so uncaring. Luckily I don’t see this attitude from my friends colleagues or the many people I come into contact with in fact the complete opposite.

Do you think you may feel differently by the time you are in your fifties? I used to think this, but post menopause the oestrogen/ caring hormone has drained out of me and I want some time and space entirely to myself, before I settle in for elder care.

This is quite common, I think.

@Snugglemonkey Agreed. Far more than in the past but the birth rate is going down as a result. Only the better off have larger families and those who depend on the state and grandparents. Everyone else waits and pays for childcare and homes.

It’s so easy to be judgemental.
Im highly educated financially independent and work full time and only have my income, if my DC were in this position I wouldn’t hesitate to help. I wouldn’t give up my job to do child care but I’d offer them a warm secure roof over both their heads and my grand child whilst encouraging and hopefully enabling them them to sort their lives out. Why because I believe that is what caring loving decent parents do. And I also know that if I fell on hard times and no one knows what’s round the corner because life often throws us a curve ball my children wouldn’t hesitate to do the same.

Plenty of people wait until the circumstances are right!

@Miss1983 You are very naive! She has a term time only job. Possibly a nanny or similar? She will get maternity allowance but no pay. So she’s not working for a local authority with good conditions of service but you think she can pay for a nursery? Or a child minder? Not likely is it? Of course the op will be involved.

The boyfriend does need to be encouraged to be an involved dad. Sending him away is not a great idea! Get him doing his share and he needs to bond with the baby.

In what world is it “unkind” for a man who says that he is ready to be a father, should be expected to put a roof over his and his child’s head, especially after being generously being given a generous 6-month head start?

What about housing the DD and het baby while the BF stays with his parents? What's wrong with that? Unless they live in another city.