Im not excited with announcement of the first grandchild

It’s supposed to come from W.African Igbo culture, although I suspect it’s an apocryphal Western invention.

Based on the Nigerian women I know - I can guess what their likely reaction to a knocked up DD knocking on their door is like to be. 😄

Ok I admit it I care deeply about my now adult children and would cheerfully move heaven and earth if necessary to support them when they need help. If that inclination opens me up to criticism and judgement from people on here go on then it won’t change my opinion one jot it works for me.
And I am a baby boomer I got pregnant in my 30s I’m wasn’t sure it was what I wanted at the time but have not a single regret now and it was bloody hard at times but it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I now have 2 amazing DCs they bring me so much happiness and joy I have an excellent caring relationship with them. Ive proudly watched them go out into the world and be caring compassionate adults.

Agree

A bit different from saying they didn’t actually want their children as teamaven states.

I’m reminded of a thread from a while back, group of childfree friends (childfree as in not having children ever), one of them got pregnant on a one night stand and decided to keep the baby, and took it completely for granted that the rest of the group would happily participate in a babysitting rota.

Doesn't have to be women....
I was lucky that my mum had retired by the time I had first DD and also lucky that she wanted to be part of our live. She said her happiest times were when DD was small as all other GC lived in different parts of the UK so she cherished those few short years.
But yes times have changed and family can often live far away.... but at the detriment to many mum's mental health. There isn't necessarily an easy solution to the lack of village

Yes ‘absent parents’ because the mothers dared to start being able to have choices about their futures. They didn’t have to devote their entire existence to their children, they could show them that it’s possible to have a career and a life.

I agree with a lot of posters. You have a right to enjoy your life. They're choosing to bring a new life into the world and they need to provide for that life.
That said, 21 is very, very young and the first year can be really tough. I would be inclined to work out exactly what you're comfortable with and then sit DD down and set out your terms.
You might want to stick to the original 6 month plan, or you might be willing to say 1 year to give them time to save and support your DD in the first six months, but I think a lot of your flexibility will depend on how they are as a couple. Are they the sort of people to recognise your generosity and take your deadline seriously?

I really hope it all works out for you all OP xxx

What? A whole generation of women didn’t want to be parents and sent their children to their grandparents? I think I’m in that ‘quite old’ generation (Jones/late Boomer) and can’t remember this happening, mainly because my own now deceased parents were often enjoying their own retirement. They did help out sometimes as needed and I was grateful, but I was responsible for day to day childcare arrangements.

And I couldn’t wait to have children and was thrilled each time I was expecting.

Where are you getting this stuff from? You realise it’s actually rather unpleasant?

Literally. Someone commented saying she should go and live in a bedsit!! I never really understood why people in my generation went no contact with their parents and thought it was a bit extreme but if these are the parents they are referring to then goodness me I understand

In an ideal world a lot of things would be different - the OP’s DD needs to decide how, if she continues with the pregnancy, she/her partner are going to live and support their child.

I totally agree with that...my point is that generally people should have the right to earn sufficiently well enough so that they can realistically afford to save up for a deposit or rent and pay bills and live independently to rear these children.

At this time presumably the daughter has to weigh up the kind of life she can give a kid and act accordingly

Even though the daughter knows she isn’t in a position to have a child right now? At what point do people take responsibility for themselves?

Funny how the ‘village’ is always comprised of women having to step up…

The village was a thing if the friends and family were housewives and had the time to devote to helping out extended family etc.

Now most women have lives of their own and have enough going on that the village concept is dying out

Or more likely they’ll end up in temporary accommodation/B and B for months if not years. Would you want this for your grandchild with all the long term implication for health child development etc if you have space which I’m assuming the OP does as she was happy for them to move in with her before her DD got pregnant.
I know I’ve just been accused of loving my children “so much more than youuuuuu etc” but you’d have bloody callous and uncaring to let your child and grandchild live in at best highly unsuitable and worst squalor of temporary accommodation if you have space.

Widely known fact? That's conclusive then.

Probably because OP said the "very excited" couple told them about the pregnancy. It would be completely inappropriate to tell the daughter that she will have support to end the pregnancy where she is happy about it.

It is not a human right to have children your mum has to house and rear! Goodness.

It’s not ageist it’s a widely known fact. Boomers are the generation of absent grandparents, primarily because they did not want to be parents in the first place

But it should be a human right to be allowed to have children if you so wish.....the economy depends on it.
I personally didn't have children until I could afford it and certainly don't agree with people have child after child and expecting the state to pay....that's irresponsible but it's also not right that 2 people should now be expected to work full time just to survive 🤦🏻‍♀️

I wasn’t expecting you to admit it. You seem to have a very narrow idea of what constitutes “care and compassion” - which actually takes many different forms - based entirely on your own inclinations.

Ah, the everpresent ageism on MN returns. Along with the generalisations. You have no idea what we did.

I think everyone is also missing the point that her DD had already moved out and they both had jobs and wanted to buy a house, they are obviously mature enough to stand on their own two feet.

In answer to your question, I would not recommend someone to have a termination if they want to keep the baby unless they are already homeless/penniless and have nowhere to go, however they are staying at their parents house and are already getting their life on track. Their parents kicking them out because of the pregnancy would just be cruel.

I can tell a lot of people on this thread are quite old, ironically the generation that sent their children to THEIR grandparents most of the time. Ironically, it is widely known that that generation of parents never wanted to be parents and that is why they are now absent grandparents.

And just for the record, my kind mum would still welcome me, my partner and my two DDs indefinitely if we ever needed to move back.

Send a letter to council housing “kicking them out” and they should get help with council housing.

The only people I know who have been successful with getting a council house have done this (I private rent before anyone jumps on me).